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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I didn't clean up the toys!!!

178 replies

Powwow401 · 31/01/2021 21:00

Hello all sorry I need to have a rant before I loose my mind! You might think I'm over reacting. I've been at home all day with my two year old. In between looking after her, when I've had chance I've been redecorating the kitchen. It's a big job so I'm doing it when I can. Downstairs looking like a bombs gone off. Before DH came home from work, I ran around upstairs with the hoover cleaned bathroom etc. Tidied what I could down stairs, but left the toys in the room for the baby! I was cooking tea when my husband came in and started moaning about the mess, said he shouldn't have to come home from work to clean up after us both!!! I said it's not like I've been sat on my a@se all day and it's only toys it can go away when she goes to bed. He's saying he shouldn't have to come home and clean up toys that were everywhere (I never asked him and it took 5 mins). I'm livid!! I've been flat out all day and he's moaning about a few toys in the living room. Am I overreacting??

OP posts:
cataclysmiclife · 31/01/2021 21:54

My OH did this type of thing to me. Said all I did all day was sit about all day (I was looking after 1 year old triplets by myself). The little digs became more frequent and unreasonable so hence he is now a STBEXH. A less stronger person would begin to quest themselves snd start changing their behaviour- which I was doing until I gave my head a wobble. So Yes he's being a twat. Keep an eye on this type of behaviour as it can really grind you down. It sounds like you are doing a cracking job snd DIY too! Thanks

rattlemehearties · 31/01/2021 21:54

Sounds like he doesn't like you feeling happy and proud of your achievements op. How do you feel about that?

whydoyouhateclocks · 31/01/2021 21:57

Why are you letting him walk all over you? You're not a doormat and you don't deserve to be treated as one - by others or yourself.

Original poster
Powwow401 · 31/01/2021 21:59

@whydoyouhateclocks

Why are you letting him walk all over you? You're not a doormat and you don't deserve to be treated as one - by others or yourself.
I've kicked him out to his mothers! I agree completely I'm not a doormat or a slave and I'm not putting up with this bullshit
OP posts:
Original poster
Powwow401 · 31/01/2021 22:00

@rattlemehearties

Sounds like he doesn't like you feeling happy and proud of your achievements op. How do you feel about that?
Perhaps I really don't know! Maybe he wanted us to do it together 🤷‍♀️ I really don't know.
OP posts:
Original poster
Powwow401 · 31/01/2021 22:03

@cataclysmiclife

My OH did this type of thing to me. Said all I did all day was sit about all day (I was looking after 1 year old triplets by myself). The little digs became more frequent and unreasonable so hence he is now a STBEXH. A less stronger person would begin to quest themselves snd start changing their behaviour- which I was doing until I gave my head a wobble. So Yes he's being a twat. Keep an eye on this type of behaviour as it can really grind you down. It sounds like you are doing a cracking job snd DIY too! Thanks
It's left me feeling pretty shitty to be honest. I've worked my arse off today I do so much in this house and I'm happy to do it but not to be treated like this over a few f@@king toys that the baby was still playing with and normally wouldn't go away till after she went to bed!!! Word is she suppose to do till bedtime is she not allowed played with her toys now. And to be honest I don't really think it's a big deal if he had to clean some toys up!!
OP posts:
MessAllOver · 31/01/2021 22:04

Nope, not overreacting.

Clean up the toys tomorrow, feed LO beans on toast and order a takeaway for one.

Original poster
Powwow401 · 31/01/2021 22:06

@MessAllOver

Nope, not overreacting.

Clean up the toys tomorrow, feed LO beans on toast and order a takeaway for one.

He cleaned the toys up lol the tea went straight back in the fridge and a takeaway for one is on its way!
OP posts:
nimbuscloud · 31/01/2021 22:08

I've kicked him out to his mothers!

What? Why on earth did you think that was in any way an appropriate reaction???? Now his mother is going to be involved in your disagreements. That’s infantile of you.

Original poster
Powwow401 · 31/01/2021 22:10

@nimbuscloud

I've kicked him out to his mothers!

What? Why on earth did you think that was in any way an appropriate reaction???? Now his mother is going to be involved in your disagreements. That’s infantile of you.

Perhaps but I was so upset and angry and I didn't want the baby to be over hearing arguments!
OP posts:
nimbuscloud · 31/01/2021 22:13

So if he gets upset or angry with you he can kick you out to your mother’s? That is no way to deal with disagreements in your own home.

nimbuscloud · 31/01/2021 22:14

Call him and tell him to come home.

AnnaMagdalena · 31/01/2021 22:15

@johnd2

He only knows what happened at work and you only know what happened at home. Both of you need to explain to each other how your experience is and listen to the other. I think you are almost certainly going to be justified in having left the toys out but the important thing is you accept each others feelings and explain your own. If he doesn't accept that then you have a problem but it didn't sound like you are there yet, If i read thing right. Good luck!
This is sensible.
Original poster
Powwow401 · 31/01/2021 22:21

@nimbuscloud

Call him and tell him to come home.
I thank you for your advice, however when your having a disagreement with someone who repeatedly stands by what they've said even after I cried and said I've been busy all day it's just a few toys, this isn't an argument that will be resolved while we are both annoyed. Once we have have both calmed down we will discuss it. But for the sake of my daughter I'm not having her hearing an argument. Trust me if I could have gone somewhere to calm down I would have but my family all live abroad so not a option
OP posts:
Audreyhelp · 31/01/2021 22:21

You kicked him out over toys , sorry you sound like hard work to be honest ,

Original poster
Powwow401 · 31/01/2021 22:22

@Audreyhelp

You kicked him out over toys , sorry you sound like hard work to be honest ,
Perhaps but I don't want to be taken for a fool either
OP posts:
nimbuscloud · 31/01/2021 22:24

You have no right to kick him out of his own home.
If you were a man posting that you had kicked your wife out of the house would be shredded and rightly so imo.

Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov · 31/01/2021 22:26

She didn't kick him out over toys, his behaviour got him kicked out. (FWIW I wouldn't have kicked him out but I do acknowledge it wasn't over toys)

Original poster
Powwow401 · 31/01/2021 22:28

@nimbuscloud

You have no right to kick him out of his own home. If you were a man posting that you had kicked your wife out of the house would be shredded and rightly so imo.
To be honest it was done to give us some space to calm down and I've said that to him. Your entitled to your onion of course but if I we're to come home from work and speak to him like he did me I wouldn't expect any differently but I wouldn't speak to him like that, especially not in front of our daughter
OP posts:
Wishitsnows · 31/01/2021 22:28

Good on you for kicking him out for the night and not being a doormat and putting up with his shit. Hopefully this will nip it in the bud and he will be more thankful for what you do.

AnnaMagdalena · 31/01/2021 22:28

OP... I think lockdown fever is getting to everyone.

Kicking him out because he said something a bit knobbish sounds like something from a soap opera.

What's more, you've now put yourself in the wrong, which is never a great idea.

nimbuscloud · 31/01/2021 22:28

Neither of you has any right to kick the other person out of their own home. If one party wants to leave of their own accord that’s a different matter.

MessAllOver · 31/01/2021 22:31

I think you need to lower expectations here. I don't normally cook for my DH but I made the mistake of having a baking weekend last week and making homemade sourdough and banana bread, which I shared with him. Cue a very disappointed face yesterday when he woke up to an absence of freshly baked goods. I would have found it sad if I had a heart, which I don't. To me, it was just a sign of male presumption. This is how the West was lost.

Why don't you forget the cleaning and have a few carpet picnics with the toddler for the next few days to realign expectations? If he asks, tell him that you're statutorily entitled to 20 days' holiday a year from your role as household genie and you've decided to take a few half days. And that he'd better not get you started on the subject of overtime...

Audreyhelp · 31/01/2021 22:31

He made a comment about toys . When I used to work and my husband had kids it was rubbish coming home to a messy house . I probably moaned as I was tired from working , Thang god he didn’t kick me out.

Original poster
Powwow401 · 31/01/2021 22:31

@Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov

She didn't kick him out over toys, his behaviour got him kicked out. (FWIW I wouldn't have kicked him out but I do acknowledge it wasn't over toys)
Thank you, I really don't want my daughter hearing things like this and seeing as he was in now way backing down and kept reinforcing he shouldn't have to come home from work to clean up after us two what do you do?? I shouldn't have to worry now every night when he gets in from work that the house isn't spotless
OP posts:
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