I have one child and one on the way. Sil is single, 2 months pregnant through ivf with a sperm donor.
Sil is entitled. Before we had kids she got upset dh and I got a dog without her because she had visions of choosing from the same litter and going on nightly walks together.
I don’t let sil babysit. I don’t allow alone time and no sleepovers. She has never changed my kids diaper (and has told dh she’s upset with that)
We simply don’t mesh. Whether it was her demanding her own bridesmaid dress for my wedding because she didn’t like the one we chose (she was there when it was chosen), telling me I was ruining her family’s traditions (she is still a part of her original nuclear family. And always will be), to telling me at my baby shower that my baby was part hers and she would be playing a large role (hasn’t happened) I just can’t stand her crybaby attitude and entitlement. She even bought us a photo package and demanded we all wear the same style outfit! She doesn’t know her place.
So now that that’s out of the way. We live close. Maybe 10 mins apart. My main concern is she will expect my husband to play a fatherly role to this child she is bringing into the world and that she will want the cousins to be very close (spending tons of time together, visiting grandparents together, enrolling in same extra curriculars) she is heavily enmeshed with her mother and with our babies being so close in age (3 months apart) I fear this will only get worse.
Questions:
How do I go about addressing my issues with my husband? We separated once over his inability to say no to his family and for allowing them to ruin my PP time with my son
Should we move away? I’ve lived in our city my whole life. I am open to moving if it creates distance. We know the next house we want will have a pool so now I’m worried she will want to come over all the time
How do I create appropriate distance? I’m open to visits twice per month. Nothing more. But sil will push for more and need help as a single mom. I am unwilling to help. She can ask her parents if help is needed. How do I keep to two visits if the kids want to see one another?
My mental health is more important than the relationship between the kids. If contact is consistent and prolonged and they encroach on our family time and act entitled, it will very likely result in a separation for my husband and I. I won’t be put through the same crap we dealt with for two years after the birth of my first.