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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Shouted at because I didnt want to lick his @ss

214 replies

Littlesparrow0 · 30/01/2021 09:58

Exactly how the title is! Last night I was humiliated and shouted at because I said no to a sexual request of licking his bum hole.
Granted our sex life is non existent as we have 2 toddlers and im knackered by the time he looks for sex at 1 or 2am plus its a pretty controlled relationship and since I was in the early stages of pregnancy with our second dc he told me I wouldnt be allowed to bring our kids to my parents house unless he was there etc. My life since having the kids have been really challenging as I dont have a support network since he started pulling me away from my family. Ive been able to deal with having no friends etc basically no life up until my children came along. Since the kids have came along im finding being stuck in the house all the time really frustrating and depressing. I feel like I cant go anywhere without him having an opinion on it and I can see its not healthy for the children

So with all of that and feeling very alone I honestly don't have any attraction towards him anymore as I'm just miserable all the time. I have sex with him just to make the next day a bit easier to deal with so he's not having a huff.

Anyway last night i suggested oral as he was complaining he hadn't had any action for a week. Took into the deed and he kept really thrusting into my throat which I cant stand, I asked him to calm down a bit and he wasn't impressed. He continued to do it anyway and I had to stop a few times as I thought I was going to be sick. Then the request for licking his ass came and I tried to decline as politely as I could. His face was so angry. And he just started shouting at me about the fact I never give him sex and when I do oral how rubbish it is etc. I felt humiliated and embarrassed and less of a woman. Im also so angry that he cant understand ive lost my attraction to him since he started pulling me away from the only people I have left, my family. Hes also putting pressure on me to have another child which I really don't want. Not because I wouldnt like another child, I just don't think I could handle having another child with him. I basically go on as a single sahm anyway as he does very little. I do everything for the kids. He doesn't even bother to get up with us in the mornings, he'll lie on til almost 12 in the afternoon.

I'm disgusted ive spent 15 years with someone who has made me feel totally worthless. The crap ive put up with just makes me feel so ashamed of myself and my kids are fantastic but I completely regret they have him as a father. I wish so badly I could turn back time to when we first got together.

I want to leave so badly especially for my children's sake. I dont want either of them growing up thinking this is what "love" is and having them see my cry or be upset. Its also at the stage now our first child who is 3 now asks if we can visit my mum and dad or asks if we can go somewhere and I keep giving him excuses. I can see thats no way to raise a child and its really upsetting me that I've let my two children down.

Also incredibly embarrassing im airing this to strangers online but I honestly don't have anyone else to share this with. But yep feeling pretty down after the scenario last night. Hes still in bed of course and im dreading what ill have to deal with with he gets up.

I pride myself on being a decent human being, always helping others and putting others before myself. So why or how on earth have I been punished by being in a relationship that has totally ripped me apart throughout the years.

OP posts:
Suzi888 · 30/01/2021 10:26

Contact women’s aid, you need to leave him. I’m
so sorry you are going through this.

TheChip · 30/01/2021 10:27

You know, the threats and shot he gives about telling people stuff if you leave, seem horrendous right now. You're thinking about how you will handle all of that with your current mind set. While you're being held down and restrained mentally by his abuse.

Trust me, when you leave, a huge weight will be lifted off of your shoulders. Yes, he may add weight to it by following through on his threats to say awful stuff about you, but you won't have him grinding you down constantly making you unable to handle it. You will be able to handle it and you will see the strength you had and still do have start to shine through.

Its not a walk in the park by any means, but its a calmer one without being suppressed. If that makes sense.

nottomgates · 30/01/2021 10:28

Also I have to agree licking a bum hole is not something most people would agree to. Being shouted at for not agreeing to something degrading is appalling.
Please find the strength to pack up and leave. This doesn’t have to be a big confrontational leave. You can pack and leave when he is in bed. You do need support from friends/ family please reach out and be honest with them. Please get support from either the police or domestic violence support- like asking GP/boots etc for help. It does sound scary leaving but it’s not as scary as staying. What will he do next? That’s the scary part. You know he’s capable of more. Leave. Leave now.

sunnydays78 · 30/01/2021 10:31

Whatever the things are that he’s going to tell people I’d just tell them first. That way he has no control over you.
Please get out it’ll just get worse

Wenolikeexplodeythings · 30/01/2021 10:32

Pack your kids up and go today. Go to your family. You'll need to sort if throw yourself on their mercy so to speak, for the next few weeks while you wait for your benefit claim to be set up but they are your family.
Get out today. Everything else can be dealt with later. Just get out today.

sausagepastapot · 30/01/2021 10:33

Get out. Go. x

BigPaperBag · 30/01/2021 10:34

🤮 I love my DH but licking his butt, not a chance! Your partner has been watching too much porn OP. Chuck him out, the twat isn’t worth it.

gaijinetal · 30/01/2021 10:34

No wonder you have little sex drive or desire towards him.

The sex sounds coercive, selfish, focused on one sided pleasure/gratification (and porn driven).

And you say he doesn't pull his weight with your kids/around the house too. That you may as well be a single mother and he lies in etc. He's just one of those chauvinist, controlling, user, miserable bastards whose relationships only last as long as they can find a woman who puts up with it (or hide it at the start).

Money wise, as a single, resident parent you'll get - depending on your income - universal credit, housing allowance, child benefit, child maintenance, council tax relief, childcare costs of 85% up to a cap for two kids, school uniform, meals & transport help. You'll be able to earn up to a certain amount before UC payment starts reducing. You need to speak to cab or similar to establish what you budget would be.

Marineboy67 · 30/01/2021 10:36

Horrible bullying bastard I hate men like this. Ignore the threats of what he's going to reveal, nothings going to be as bad as living with this monster. He has no respect for you and has ground you down over the years. You've done the right thing in reaching out for help. My daughter left her controlling husband last year. We had no idea what she'd been going through, always keeping up appearances until the day she turned up with the kids. Best thing she ever done. He tried all the suicide shit and manipulating but with our support she stuck to her guns. We got her a good solicitor who sorted out her legal aid and everything. 12 months on the children are happy in school and their new lifes down here.
It can be done and there is whole new life waiting for you. Take care and don't waste anymore time living like this.

TheotherHemsworthwife · 30/01/2021 10:36

I've been where you are (minus the DC, I had my one already when I entered the relationship, and that's a whole other thread! ). You have already taken the first and hardest step by admitting something is wrong.

You CAN leave and you WILL leave. If not now, it will be very soon.

You know this isn't right. You know your DC should not grow up thinking this is normal.

Call women's aid. Get an order against him. And whatever you do, do not punish yourself. This is 100% on him. He is a pathetic excuse for a human.

Best of luck. I believe in you.

Tanfastic · 30/01/2021 10:37

Tell him to Fuck right off and go and find someone else to lick his arsehole.

Made my blood boil just reading that. I would nit stay with a man who treated me like this. Sounds like you are walking on eggshells. Get out as fast as you can and don't look back.

Butterymuffin · 30/01/2021 10:38

I also know he'll fight for the kids

He won't. He'll tell you that he will to frighten and worry you. But he won't actually want the work of dealing with them.

As for telling people personal things about you, you could do the same about him and his awful behaviour. Even if he actually does it, people won't care after 5 minutes and will forget.

Whose name is the house in?

diddl · 30/01/2021 10:40

You shouldn't be embarrassed or ashamed-he should!

He's supposed to love you you yet is trying to force you to do things that you don't want to.

What "things" does he threaten to tell?

Honestly, people either wouldn't believe him or wouldn't care.

"Those who mind don't matter & those who matter don't mind".

Dery · 30/01/2021 10:41

“Pack a bag. Get your children. Go to your parents. Tell them everything. Stay with them and look at women’s refuges. Look at women’s aid. He’s abusive and you deserve better. He will try to manipulate you to stay. He may threaten allsorts. But he can’t get at you if you are strong. Having people on your side makes you strong and that’s why he has pushed you away from others. He wants you feeling like you only have him. He will probably insult you to try to make you feel like you’re worthless and need him. You don’t. Anyone can start again and so can you.”

This, OP. Given how little he does with the DCs, it’s very unlikely he will want or get 50/50. He’ll say that’s what he wants - he’ll threaten to keep the kids - but he certainly won’t get to keep them. You having been an SAHM and him being a shit dad works massively in your favour here.

As PP have said, what he’s doing is a crime. He has been very calculating in separating you from everyone. He’s tried to make you completely reliant on him. That’s how pre-meditated this is. It’s like there’s a handbook for abusers. You feel appalling because you are living permanently at a crime scene with the criminal. That’s why domestic violence is so hideous. You are living with your attacker, day in day out. Of course you feel appalling.

Don’t worry now about sharing care with him. It will be so much better for your children to be away from a house in which their mother is systematically abused even if they are with him some of the time. Over time, you will be much happier and more relaxed and that will be good for them.

It doesn’t matter what he tells people. Get your parents on side, reach out to a few friends. Speak to Women’s Aid. Speak to the police.

But first of all, get the DCs to your parents as soon as you can. If he sleeps late every day, perhaps you can leave in the morning. Could you call your parents to come and help you leave? Lockdown rules don’t apply when you’re escaping from domestic violence so don’t worry about that.

Do NOT tell him what you’re planning. If someone mugged you in the street, you wouldn’t discuss your escape plans with them. Your H is a criminal so treat this in the same light. Plus he is likely to become more dangerous to you if you discuss your plans with him.

If you have time to pack a few things, here’s a list from Women’s Aid website but remember nothing is more important than getting you and your children to safety - supplies can be bought, documents and things can be replaced - you can’t. Get as much RL support as you can and keep posting here also.

Some form of identification
Birth certificates for you and your children.
Passports (including passports for all your children), visas and work permits.
Money, bankbooks, cheque book and credit and debit cards.
Keys for house, car, and place of work. (You could get an extra set of keys cut, and put them in your emergency bag.)
Cards for payment of Child Benefit and any other welfare benefits you are entitled to.
Driving licence (if you have one) and car registration documents, if applicable.
Prescribed medication.
Copies of documents relating to your housing tenure (for example, mortgage details or lease and rental agreements).
Insurance documents, including national insurance number.
Address book.
Family photographs, your diary, jewellery, small items of sentimental value.
Clothing and toiletries for you and your children.
Your children’s favourite small toys.
You should also take any documentation relating to the abuse – e.g. police reports, court orders such as injunctions and restraining orders, and copies of medical records if you have them.

Dopeyduck · 30/01/2021 10:41

He raped you last night. Report it now and support the police. They’ll keep you safe while you get out of there while he’s in custody. Then let him take you to court if he wants as you can tell them what he’s like. I understand access is a concern but you all don’t have to live like this. Please reach out.

sapnupuas · 30/01/2021 10:45

He won't fight for the kids. As soon as he realised how much they need from him when you're not there will soon make him change his mind.

Do you have money and a car? Stop thinking about it and just leave. Before this escalates from shouting at you for saying no to forcing you.

Jamesworks2hard · 30/01/2021 10:45

Write down as much as you can remember, dates and every little detail will help you no end, the police will accept this as a real version of events, more than you turning up and trying to recall events there and then as you will be under pressure and trying to bring back to mind things that have happened can blend for one thing to another.
I kept a diary for years and when I went through my rather torrid time, it became my backbone and because I'd included what I saw as just things that happened on the day or occasion, it became vitally important in my proof, as not only was it there in black and white with the dates, it triggered my memory and gave me the chance to regress back to the incident and added massively to my cause.

Fluffycloudland77 · 30/01/2021 10:51

If someone told me intimate things about a partner who’d left them I’d assume sour grapes.

Onthedunes · 30/01/2021 10:52

Please Leave.
None of this is your fault, I'm sorry too that you ever met him.

He sounds the aggresive type so you need to be careful how you do this.
Would your parents be supportive if you left and went to them, would he turn aggresive to them also?

Contact Womens Aid, please, ANI at Boots is a good idea if he gets whiff of you making plans.
I'm sure there will be others who are more knowledgable to give advice, you know this has to stop.
You have covered his abuse up for far too long, forget about the threats, lets get you to a place of safety first and everything else can be sorted from there on.
Good luck lovely. Flowers

Shoxfordian · 30/01/2021 10:57

Take your kids and go to your family this morning before he wakes up. Don’t stay with him for one minute longer than you need to

MorrisZapp · 30/01/2021 11:01

If you're the primary carer of two very small kids it's unlikely he'd have them half the time. If he's as useless and lazy as you say, he won't want them much at all in reality when he realises what it means. It's an empty threat and he knows it.

DuzzyFuck · 30/01/2021 11:02

I don't very often jump straight to LTB but in this case please, please leave him. Do it today. Pack the kids up, go to your parents and stay there.

No matter how frightening it is contemplating being a single mum, you've said that he does next to nothing already, what difference will it really make to your day to day, aside from not being humiliated and belittled by him?

Neither your nor your kids deserve to be around this abusive Man. Don't spend any longer letting your DC think this is a normal way to behave, and something to put up with x

Starlia · 30/01/2021 11:03

I'm so sorry OP. You have nothing to be embarrassed about. You are actually quite amazing.
You do have the strength to leave and be healthy and happy on your own. We got you.

littlepattilou · 30/01/2021 11:04

@Dopeyduck

He raped you last night. Report it now and support the police. They’ll keep you safe while you get out of there while he’s in custody. Then let him take you to court if he wants as you can tell them what he’s like. I understand access is a concern but you all don’t have to live like this. Please reach out.
I have to agree with this. ^

I would report this to the police. He sounds utterly vile and abusive. I am so sorry you have had to suffer this @Littlesparrow0 Flowers

If you don't want to contact the police, PLEASE contact 'Women's Aid.'

www.womensaid.org.uk/

Your DP sounds vile. And as for what he asked you to do..... 🤮

As a few posters have said, he has been watching too much porn. Men expect so many horrible, perverted things these days, and they call their woman a prude, or 'boring' if she refuses.

I thank GOD that I was born in the late 1960s, and met my DH in the late 1980s, when there was no internet, and porn was very hard to get hold of.

Also, the post by @Dery at 10.41 has some excellent advice in it. I won't repost it as it's quite long, but it's very informative and helpful...