What's the worst thing your parents have said to you?

[again2020]

Posting on here for solidarity and to prevent me from venting to anyone in real life.

I've been offered 4 days at work from September, up from my usual 3. My parents used to do a bit of childcare before my daughter went to nursery. I broached the subject with them today about childcare 1 day a week (support bubble) and my dad had a huge rant and lost his temper with me, saying he finds DD hard work and he doesn't enjoy seeing his children or grandchildren and he doesn't have many years left to do what he wants (he's 71). Fair enough, a bit upsetting but I know not everyone wants to be childcare for their grandkids.

He later came and said his children (me and DB) have been a huge disappointment and he wouldn't recommend being a parent to anyone.

So as not to drip feed, DB is a recovering addict. He's getting a lot better though. I'm in a difficult relationship and am on antidepressants. But I don't think we've been terrible children or become terrible people. I'm sat on my own upset waiting for DD to finish playing with my mum and I don't plan on coming back to see them anytime soon.

Handhold, anyone? What's the worst thing a parent has said to you?

Just before I was 3 my 'd'm said to me in temper "you don't deserve anything".
Had she said to me that I deserved nothing I'd have been able to argue against it.

‘Just because you’re on the pill now doesn’t mean you can sleep with every Tom Dick and Harry’

Telling friends and family that I wanted money off her as well as her pay for my wedding - completely untrue

‘What will the neighbours think’ when I was pregnant

‘So did the Earth move then?’ said eith disdain after she’d come into my room early ine morning, sat on my bed snd refused to leave until I’d answered her question of whether I was still a virgin ir not.

‘You won’t be able to wear white at your wedding. People will whisper that you’re not a virgin’ - my grandmother as she abd my mother grilled me over not using tampons

‘I’ll tell the council to put a red light outside of your bedroom’ I nan to me after my mother called her up complaining that my not boyfriend was sometimes staying over- I was at university.

‘So you’re going to be a single mother agsin’ when it looked like my partner was turning into an abusivd shit

‘Well you must have done something to anger him - you are a very difficult person’ said to me after my boyfriend assaulted me

‘Where is your loyalty’ because I wouldn’t break up with a boyfriend she didn’t like.

‘It must be lovely to have a child to be proud of’ said about her brother who’s son, my cousin’ got a degree.

I could go on and on snd on.

With my last pregnancy I had mental health issues. I made the mistake of letting her into a meeting with the psychiatrist where she proceeded to tell the lady that I was never any good at mixing with others and was useless at school. I told her to shut up.

She also told me around that time that if I ever got pregnant again I'd have to have an abortion.
I am actually pregnant( planned) and still haven't told her . She will find out after the birth I suppose.

Another one I remember ‘I can’t bear the pity from other parents’ when I didn’t get straight As at GCSE

Another time as a teen aged 17 or 18, I had a lot of anxiety and she was on the phone to the doctor. She grabbed my arm and pinched it really hard. The bitch.
I told her it hurt

Age 12 I started coughing in a cinema. She leaned over, got in my face, gritted her teeth , I heard them crack, and told me to get out.

Lots of other stuff too. I don't like her. Absolute bitch

When I’d been (incorrectly) diagnosed with a mental health condition ‘Well, we always knew there was something wrong with you.’

On my wedding day my mother told me not to come back home when it all went wrong.

When I was about 14 my dad told me no one would ever want to marry me and that he could see me living in a flat with a budgie when I was older. Another time, at primary school he came to sports day and made a big fuss about having to go. He sat and read a book during the whole thing, then told me he was ashamed of me because I sat biting my nails and didn't talk to anybody in between the races. When I was a teenager he also told me that I really annoyed him most of the time and he said no wonder people bullied me at school.

@Dozycuntlaters

‘I love you but I don’t like you.

AussieBean my mum said on occasion I don't ALWAYS like you, but I ALWAYS love you. My mum was wonderful and I know what she meant now I have a son of my own. I guess it's the way it's said but I am sure she did like you most of the time

When my children have been really awful and rude to me I have said this to them. It means I will always love them but at the moment I’m not liking them and their behaviour.

I’m so sooty
We can’t help who are parents are this is not on you
My dad walked out on us when I was 6 months old , my sister was 7 and has awful memories of Hm
When I was 23 I found his email online for his company business and emailed him telling him I thought it was appalling what he did to us all but how good my life is now , that I had a son , was engaged , had a good job etc , he replied saying my life sounded very average , congratulated me on having a child out of wedlock and told me to get on with my boring life and never contact him again , that was 8 years ago x

When my mom found out she was pregnant with me, my dad took her to get an abortion (clearly I was a mistake and unwanted) but found out it was $xxx and couldn't afford it so came running back out the door hahaha...

Said in her own words with the laugh in the end. I mean what parent would ever say this to their own child... Makes me so so sad till this day :(

@again2020

Posting on here for solidarity and to prevent me from venting to anyone in real life.

I've been offered 4 days at work from September, up from my usual 3. My parents used to do a bit of childcare before my daughter went to nursery. I broached the subject with them today about childcare 1 day a week (support bubble) and my dad had a huge rant and lost his temper with me, saying he finds DD hard work and he doesn't enjoy seeing his children or grandchildren and he doesn't have many years left to do what he wants (he's 71). Fair enough, a bit upsetting but I know not everyone wants to be childcare for their grandkids.

He later came and said his children (me and DB) have been a huge disappointment and he wouldn't recommend being a parent to anyone.

So as not to drip feed, DB is a recovering addict. He's getting a lot better though. I'm in a difficult relationship and am on antidepressants. But I don't think we've been terrible children or become terrible people. I'm sat on my own upset waiting for DD to finish playing with my mum and I don't plan on coming back to see them anytime soon.

Handhold, anyone? What's the worst thing a parent has said to you?

He sounds like a selfish uncaring man which is probably why you and your brother are like you are. Stay strong you are better than him. Xx

@coronafiona

My mother has come out with some corkers over the years. Accusing me of being fat and lazy was one of them. I had two, two day old twins and a toddler to look after at the time, and had lost half the blood in my body at the birth. Yeah I wasn't up to doing much exercise at that point

Had something similar. DM called me fat one month after I had my second DC. That drawed the line for me to make me realise how toxic she can be.

My mother told me, repeatedly, when I was a child, that no-one would ever love me. She was right.

That's really awful, OP. I think some time away from him will do you good.

When I was about 6/7 my mum went through a phase of telling me she was going to put me in a home when she was angry which really frightened me. In my teens she frequently called me a selfish cunt. Now I'm very aware of my faults and quite hard on myself but even I know I'm not a selfish person. During one episode in my teens she told me I was a twisted little cunt and she hated me. If I remember correctly, that came as a result of me asking what time we would be having dinner so I knew what time to tell my friend I would be at her house.

She had a hysterectomy and went through early menopause when I was in my late teens and that behaviour all stopped so I think it may have been a hormonal issue with her. We actually have a good relationship now and strangely even during the bad times I always knew deep down that she loved me because between her episodes she was a great mum. But it does really upset me when I think back on how she was with me, I have to block out the memories to be able to have a relationship with her. In my mind I almost think of the version of her from the past and the version I know now as two different people.

OP, I am so sorry handhold from here.

Parents can be vile. My father told me that his lack of grandchildren was as much of a blow to him as the death of my beloved mother. I have endo and wasn't able to have a child. He knows this.

I am now LC with him. I have to keep some semblance of contact for very boring reasons. He thinks we have a good relationship.

Just remembered one of my DMs nasty putdowns. Announced to 'family friends' who we barely ever saw that they were sending me to see a psychiatrist because I had dropped some coal from the fire accidentally onto the carpet. It was in front of their children. I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me. My dad, who was normally deaf to her insults, even tried to smooth it over. It's taken a lot of therapy to convince me I don't have mental problems. Therapist suspects DM has a personality disorder.

My DD once said to me that if I didn't open my legs I would never get a man. It was usual to see his porn magazines in the kitchen drawer when we were small children.

My twin brother died when we were children. Although it happened 60 years ago I still remember my Mum saying that she wished it had been me not him .

That she's so grateful that my brother didn't join the choir of a since convicted paedo priest because that would be oh so terrible. And yet I'd been abused by one of the priests highly likely victims who had been a member of the choir and also used to babysit us. My pleading for him not to fell on deaf ears.

When I was unlucky enough to get pnd with my second child who also happened to be a rainbow baby after two losses she told me that maybe I shouldn't have had children because I obvs struggle with being a mum.

and many more instances but these two still blow my mind

It's awful.what some parents have said to their children, shocking, no wonder people have problems. My mum has always been nice to me, even if she is a bit cross won't say anything unkind.

"Next time you try to kill yourself, make sure you do it properly." (Just after i had taken an overdose at 13)
"You were a twin, and you killed it because you took all the nutrients, that's how f***g selfish you are." (This was a lie, I was never a twin. She also used the twin lie to say my biological father had murdered my twin by kicking her down the stairs-another lie)
"You're just not maternal, not like me, You should have never had children" (HA!)
She also ignored me while I was very ill in hospital after having my first baby, because I "didn't stick up for her" when the "midwife was rude to her" I was off my face on drugs at this point and just had a very traumatic birth where my baby was born not breathing and had to be resuscitated.
When my second baby was born she attacked me and my husband again for not "keeping her involved enough" then when we pulled her up on her shitty behaviour she feigned suicide attempts.

She probably has undiagnosed bpd and possibly npd according to my therapist, and I agree. I have empathy, however I will never forgive nor forget the abuse.

Pleased to say I have broken the generational trauma with my children.

I got a place at Cambridge University when I was 18 and my mum’s reaction was that I was not intelligent enough to go there and would struggle. This is just one example of many similar things she has said over the years.

God that's awful. Yes say no of course. But why say this? Has he always been so awful? I was just thinking this sort of outburst could be the start of dementia or a sign of mental health issues. Or is he just a cunt?