What's the worst thing your parents have said to you?

[again2020]

Posting on here for solidarity and to prevent me from venting to anyone in real life.

I've been offered 4 days at work from September, up from my usual 3. My parents used to do a bit of childcare before my daughter went to nursery. I broached the subject with them today about childcare 1 day a week (support bubble) and my dad had a huge rant and lost his temper with me, saying he finds DD hard work and he doesn't enjoy seeing his children or grandchildren and he doesn't have many years left to do what he wants (he's 71). Fair enough, a bit upsetting but I know not everyone wants to be childcare for their grandkids.

He later came and said his children (me and DB) have been a huge disappointment and he wouldn't recommend being a parent to anyone.

So as not to drip feed, DB is a recovering addict. He's getting a lot better though. I'm in a difficult relationship and am on antidepressants. But I don't think we've been terrible children or become terrible people. I'm sat on my own upset waiting for DD to finish playing with my mum and I don't plan on coming back to see them anytime soon.

Handhold, anyone? What's the worst thing a parent has said to you?

Why do parents say stuff like this ? Do they not think it will affect us in later life

I was a tomboy as a child, with 4 older brothers. I was always being asked why I couldn't be more like my cousin who was a girly girl.

At 13 I was told I would never have a boyfriend or get married if I didn't wear make up because I wasn't pretty enough.

At 30 I left my abusive husband and she said I should stay with him as she was ashamed to tell people she had a divorced child as it would reflect badly on her.

There have been many other comments over the years, to the extent that one of my brothers asked her why she hated me so much. She was genuinely surprised and said she was only trying to help me through life.

We still have a relationship but I moved away as soon as I could.

I fell pregnant at 16. My dad told me he was dissapointed in me.

I got on with it though and made something of myself and a good career. My 12 year old is thriving! He did apologise for saying it and does regret it. But that comment has never left my mind.

In the middle of an argument when I was around 20, that started because I didn't do something immediately my father called me a cunt. He never apologised for it. He has also called me a bitch in a passive aggressive joking manner because i didn't come home enough and implied that I was socially odd

I must say I was lucky to have a normal happy childhood. The worse thing my mum would ever say to me was "Clear up your bedroom"!

I'm in my mid 30s and my mum still semi occasionally tells me how I ruined her life because I went off the rails at 15. Apparently I also only encourage my children to succeed to make myself look good, nothing to do with theie wellbeing whereas she did 'everything' for me (she doesn't see the connection between me going off the rails as a teen and her behaviour). I just shut down and don't argue...so then I'm accused of being cold and uncaring.

Very tame compared to some and they are genuinely very loving parents but they have some old fashioned views, my mum has gone on about my weight for as long as I can remember, anything over her size deserved her commenting on it and when I told her about my eating disorder her response was "there is always something". Also my brother and myself have the same mental disorder, my parents like to pass comments about how he works and doesn't take his meds as if he's made it and I haven't, he doesn't have children, lives alone and has had everything pretty much handed to him whereas my circumstances are very different and it just hurts.

Told me from a young age that she had fallen pregnant accidentally (with all three of us) never wanted children and almost boasted of being not maternal.
Told us things about her relationship that we didn't need to know,like confiding in my she had a secret abortion with her abusive partner.
Told me she doesn't like me as a person when I begged her if we could live with her when was trying to leave my own abusive marriage.
Threatened to stab me when she finally lost it mentally and accused me of sleeping with her ex partner(who physically and sexually abused both myself and my sister)
Told me she would kill herself when I fell pregnant as a teen and bullied me into an abortion.
There are more but I think you get the jist.

Oh yes constantly told me I needed to lose weight. I had an amazing Kelly brook type figure!! But my sister is a size 6/8 (disordered eating) and my mum thinks anyone above that is fat!!
I have turned out average size at a 14,one sister is still v slim(due to diet of cigarettes and vodka) and other is large(size 22). This can all be contributed to my mum's fucked up comments!!

My mum told me if she had her time again she wouldn't have children. She only has me!

With kindness OP, It looks like yr Dad exploded after you broached the subject of childcare for yr child. I am not condoning what yr Dad has said but, it seems he may have reached his own breaking point with what he feels has caused him stress and he has just basically blurted this all out when you broached the childcare question.

I do not know yr Dad but clearly his outburst shows he is at the end of his tether. You have not been terrible children at all, but by your own admission both you and yr brother have clearly had challenges and that will be stressful and worrying for your parents. I feel yr Dads reaction just shows he is reaching his breaking point of what he can cope with.

Your Dad has a right to want to "step down" now and enjoy his retirement, planning his own days. I think yr Dad's outburst was more frustration and stress than truth.

I had no childcare at all from my parents, equally i would never have asked them . They were awful parents and i will not repeat on here some of what they said over the yrs. ! I used nurseries, childminders, breakfast clubs, after sch clubs, summer clubs an and leave.

I think yr Dad has reached his breaking point. We can all say things in anger or frustration. Arrange yr own independent childcare and perhaps try to rely a little less on Dad and more on yourself. I sincerely hope you and yr Dad can repair your relationship. I am sure you can .🙏🏻

Oh endless comments about my weight over the years from my Df, who was always very overweight until he died !
My second husband being black , my parents couldn't accept for over 2 years . The comment I will never be able to forget though was when pregnant with my third baby , my 2nd Dh child , was from Dm , stating she would look at IT in the pram !! I sadly lost the baby and was never able to conceive again . I will never forget !

'If I could describe you in 3 words I'd say Opinionated, Stubborn and Confrontational'

Also, 'your sisters are always telling me how selfish you are'.

But actually, the only stuff that bothers me is when she starts on my kids. She laid into my 1 year old once for being badly behaved... at 1!

The weight stuff is rather meh compared to other stuff.

That I deserved being sexually assaulted.
That she wanted to kill herself because of me when I was a baby.
That I was the enemy.
That she wished she would've beaten me more.
That my tutor sexually assaulting me meant she doesn't have to pay since he's getting his own pay.
That SHE was traumatised by my teenage years.

My mum said she wish she had never had children over and over again. Hard to hear when you are meek and mild kids that were not only unwanted but subjected to DV by my father and her awful subsequent partner.

Getting pregnant after stillbirth, my DM said to me”I’m not buying it anything, I wasted my money last time.
DF has never said anything hurtful.

Mine was my mother attributing my child's disability to some medication I took. There was literally no link between the two and it made me realise that there must be other people out there who somehow think his disability was 'caused'.

"Dad I have met someone really nice"
"You are not very good at relationships though are you?"

Having left a very abusive relationship it was like a knife in my back

My dad had a string of affairs, mother slept in a seperate room and was so unhappy in ther loveless boring marriage

Had to bite my tongue and did not introduce the said 'someone nice' to him

@LowlandLucky

Maybe you need to accept that times are tough for everyone these days. You may just have been the straw that broke your Dad. He is 71 not 41, the average life expectancy for men in the U.K is 78.2years. Maybe you need to remember he has done his share of childcare.

You may just have been the straw that broke your Dad

What a truly appalling comment.

Mine said I love you but I don't like you.

It wasn't even after anything special had happened.

What she meant was. I don't love myself. If you don't like someone you can't love them. You can dislike aspects or habits but not them and actually love them still.
My mum doesn't deserve me (still makes me feel sad though. But have processed it a lot).
I would never say that to my dc. I might say 'you aren't being nice right now'. But I like them so much and love them to the ends of the universe.

My mum during my years of fertility treatment and miscarriage, 'don't worry about it, your brother will give me grandchildren.'

My Dad said, you're not as clever as your sister. She's much smarter. I'm the one whose earning the money. My sister was lazy. I was determined.

My Mum didnt say anything just emotionally neglected me. Then when she realised that she'd coddled my sister to the point that she wasn't very nice, she came back and wanted to be the best mum to me.

Parents can really fk you up. You can either choose to focus on loose words or move on. I'd have asked why didn't you raise me correctly then!

‘If you only had more up top and less down there,then your figure would be perfect’
(Meaning if I had bigger tits and slimmer legs-coming from a woman who was a size 30)

‘If I hadn’t had you,then I could have left your father and been happy’
So what about my brothers?

‘God your ugly-you take after your father’
She’s hardly a supermodel herself

‘Why can’t you be more like me?’
What?a narc?no thanks

(When I was assaulted)
What did you do to lead him on?

‘Your such a shitty mother
(I’d refused to slap dd for having a tantrum)

‘Your too poor to buy that (loudly,in the supermarket)
(A bog standard ready meal-about a quid-she loved that I didn’t have much money and what I did have,she’d do her best to take it away from me)

I wish I’d aborted you
So why didn’t you?I didn’t ask to be born

She’d hand a size 14 me an item of clothing to try on but in a size 8 then crow about how fat I was

Took the piss out of me-she did an impression of me in labour (I’d had a baby 16 hours earlier) in front of her friends-even they just looked at her like she’d lost the plot-it sounded like a fake/painful orgasm

I went back to college to study-her on the phone to me
‘You’ll only pass by handing out blow jobs to all the tutors-there is no way you have the brains to do this’
Jokes on her-all the tutors where female and I passed every exam and qualified two years later
She denies I even took the course

Ten years since I last spoke to her-wish I’d done that at birth

My predominant feeling following the recent death of my father is just one of huge relief and a sense that I won't have to mentally 'reference' everything with 'What will Dad say/think?' Finally free at 60.

My dad sent me an email telling me he didn't want to be in my life anymore. I took him at his word and haven't spoken since. It's sad but my life is better. Plus, however fucked up I am I know I'd never do that to a child so I'm kind of winning!