What's the worst thing your parents have said to you?

[again2020]

Posting on here for solidarity and to prevent me from venting to anyone in real life.

I've been offered 4 days at work from September, up from my usual 3. My parents used to do a bit of childcare before my daughter went to nursery. I broached the subject with them today about childcare 1 day a week (support bubble) and my dad had a huge rant and lost his temper with me, saying he finds DD hard work and he doesn't enjoy seeing his children or grandchildren and he doesn't have many years left to do what he wants (he's 71). Fair enough, a bit upsetting but I know not everyone wants to be childcare for their grandkids.

He later came and said his children (me and DB) have been a huge disappointment and he wouldn't recommend being a parent to anyone.

So as not to drip feed, DB is a recovering addict. He's getting a lot better though. I'm in a difficult relationship and am on antidepressants. But I don't think we've been terrible children or become terrible people. I'm sat on my own upset waiting for DD to finish playing with my mum and I don't plan on coming back to see them anytime soon.

Handhold, anyone? What's the worst thing a parent has said to you?

You are an accident of birth.
I won’t have any respect for you until you’re married.
is a queen compared to you.
I’ll feed you, and I’ll clothe you, but that’s it.
The doctor offered me a termination when he told me I was having you.
When I told my best friend I was having you, she said ‘Oh shit.’

She could have a nasty mouth on her, my mum.

‘I love you but I don’t like you.

AussieBean my mum said on occasion I don't ALWAYS like you, but I ALWAYS love you. My mum was wonderful and I know what she meant now I have a son of my own. I guess it's the way it's said but I am sure she did like you most of the time

My mum didn't approve of my husband as compared to my other brother in laws he wasn't rich enough. She turned my dad against me also and I got married with just my best friend present.

She also told me I'm a whore for sleeping in his bed before we got married, asked me to return any money she had ever given me. She also said she wishes I never become a mother and wishes to see me on the streets begging.

again2020

My mother once said to me that she would never look after any children I went onto have if I went back to work. She stuck to her word. I also overheard her once talking to my dad about me stating that she was worried that my soon to take place marriage would not last (I have been married over 25 years now).

Getting back to you I think you need to leave your parents behind as well as your so called partner (who is anything but as well). I remember replying to you from previous writings. Do not remain with him for the sake of your child and out of your own fear of the unknown; she will not thank you for doing that and she will merely learn damaging lessons about relationships.

I sincerely hope that you somehow and someday (and sooner rather than years later) find the strength which is within you still to get the hell away from them all because you and in turn your DD are being dragged down by them. These people are not worthy of you nor are they fit to tie your shoes.

Mine was when I was 8 and my stepfather had just been arrested for abuse towards me. This was 30 odd years ago I remember the police officer asking her to choose between him and me. She chose him.

I was born in an Eastern Bloc country and my family moved around different places for years before settling in an English speaking country. I was a teenager and had just started wearing makeup and my mum called me an English slut.

"I hate you, and I don't want anything to do with you or your family ever again."

This was said in front of my two young children, my husband and my dad while we were on a luxury holiday that I had treated my parents to. She then denied having ever said it!

I'm sorry you're going through this OP, hurtful things said by a parent cut really deeply.

There are some horrific things said on this post. I feel bad for feeling relieved that I’m not alone :(

As a child, my mum was doing my hair for school and pulled the knots really hard and kept going until she heard me quietly sobbing. She yanked my head and sternly said ‘I hate you, I wish you were never born’. This effected me profoundly and still does. I had bad postnatal depression for a year after having my firstborn and I wouldn’t let my mum help me look after my son for fear of her toxic words and actions.

I wrote her a letter as an adult explaining the effect it had on me and she claimed to not remember as she was depressed. Looking back, I know she was depressed as she took her frustrations out on her kids but I certainly didn’t know it at the time. I felt very unloved and just grateful that my dad was in the house until I was a teenager because he and I remain very close to this day.

However today, she often says how proud she is of me and speaks very highly of me to others so I really do need to let it go and accept that it’s just something that will always be with me.

The positive thing to come out of this is that I’ve learned to choose my words wisely when disciplining my kids, even in anger.

For all of you 💐

I'm so sorry, that's awful :(.

The worst thing my mum ever said to me might not sound like much.

I'd been struggling with anxiety for a little while and finally broke down and told her. Her response was 'I think you need to get a grip love. There are worse things going on in the world.' It made me think I should just live with how I was feeling, and that it wasn't a medical issue.

12 years later I'm finally on medication but it would have been much sooner if my mum had been supportive when I opened up to her. I've wasted a decade of my life being very unhappy and anxious.

My mum's new neighbour was utterly bowled over when she saw me visit mum. Turns out I'm the freakin' doppleganger of her own daughter. I've since seen photos and it's true and very unnerving. Anyway, when my mum was telling me about this for the first time (the neighbour had shown her photos) she kept saying with wonder; "It's strange though, Liz always refers to her beautiful daughter and talks about her with such pride. Then it turns out she looks just like you. I don't understand it".

Ever since then I've felt this yearning for the other daughter's life and jealousy that she grew up with such a lovely mum.

My dad has said lots of properly nasty things over the years but the one which really sticks in my mind was when I was around 10 years old and overheard him talking to an old acquaintance. He said that he already had a perfect son and daughter and there was no way I'd measure up to my older siblings so there was no point in even trying with me and if he'd had his way they would have stopped at two. So much of my life made sense to me in that moment and ever since.

I was told frequently that I was a "mistake" and had ruined her life.

When my brother died I had a horrendous few weeks dealing with everything (he died abroad on holiday, no insurance, thousands of pounds of debts) and I finally managed to get a haircut in time for the funeral. She told me that I looked "like a nazi collaborator".

The last thing she said to me before she died was "I hope you burn in hell".

When beautiful, blonde healthy DS2 was born, "oh for a little girl".

I was a shy and anxious child, enjoyed playing on my own and reading ect, one day when I was about 11 I was walking along the seafront with my dad and my step mum (she was quite new to the scene so I wanted her to like me )
We passed a completely empty play park (I felt to old for these anyway) and my dad said "why don't you go and play in there like a normal kid"
It really hurt my feelings , I just went and sat in a playhouse type thing and cried for about 20 minutes.

When my parents said they wanted NC after I introduced my DH. He's older than me and they were convinced he was grooming me (I was 18 when we met and definitely not being groomed). Instead of pretending that was their actual worry and supporting me they told me to pick between him and them. We now live hundreds of miles away and haven't spoken in 4 years.

There were other horrific incidents but that one had the biggest impact and it made me choose a better life.

My dad told me my face was disgusting when I was 14 years old or so.
When I battling severe depression at the age of 20 due to rape and then being in abusive relationship (amongst other factors), I overheard him telling my mum he “couldn’t be arsed looking after her for the rest of her life” (her being me)

My mother died when I was a child...My parents marriage wasn't always happy and my father used to scream at me if I cried over losing her.

@again2020

Hi Op
That's a really shit comment to say.

You said your father is 71 yrs age,

Your fathers Nasty remark could be the sign he has dementia or something?

Is your father known for saying insensitive ,negative comments then?
Sorry to hear that you experienced this op.
xx

@Smarshian

My mum told me everyone in our family would think it was my fault that my grandfather died. He killed himself after it came out he had been sexually abusing me for 14 years.

Awful.
I'm so sorry.

My Dad regularly used to phone and say "I'm bored so thought I'd phone the most boring person I know" which I suppose is pretty mean. I am an introvert in a family full of extroverts so I suppose I was seen as boring. I had lots of interests and was pretty content much like I am now tbh which is different to my siblings who were/are always looking for the next thing.

It's a bit of a toss up for me between when I was 20 and I was told "if you dropped dead tomorrow nobody would even care, in fact I suspect people would be happy you were gone."

Or when I was around 7 and couldn't find my brothers school jumper "your father left because you're such a horrible little bitch and now you're driving away (new bfs name) you ruin everybodys lives and I'm just sick of it." the jumper was later located at the bottom of DBs school bag, my well deserved apology has never shown up.

My hateful stepmother telling me when I was fourteen that the house wasn’t big enough for two women and I needed to leave as soon as I was able. Bitch.

No wonder your DB is an addict and you've struggled with depression, if your father is like that.

Several gems throughout the years.

A particular gem from my mother was “you’d be better dead, at least then you wouldn’t bring shame to the family”. She also thinks that I’m possessed by the devil.

Whilst going through domestic abuse and dealing with a child with SN who had tried to hang himself and I found myself homeless. I really felt suicidal. My mum told me that I was too needy and to just get over it!
The strange thing is all through my childhood she experienced domestic abuse and was a really crap mother and never bothered with me.
We are actually very close because I don't have anyone else in my life but I don't forget how she treated me.