What's the worst thing your parents have said to you?

[again2020]

Posting on here for solidarity and to prevent me from venting to anyone in real life.

I've been offered 4 days at work from September, up from my usual 3. My parents used to do a bit of childcare before my daughter went to nursery. I broached the subject with them today about childcare 1 day a week (support bubble) and my dad had a huge rant and lost his temper with me, saying he finds DD hard work and he doesn't enjoy seeing his children or grandchildren and he doesn't have many years left to do what he wants (he's 71). Fair enough, a bit upsetting but I know not everyone wants to be childcare for their grandkids.

He later came and said his children (me and DB) have been a huge disappointment and he wouldn't recommend being a parent to anyone.

So as not to drip feed, DB is a recovering addict. He's getting a lot better though. I'm in a difficult relationship and am on antidepressants. But I don't think we've been terrible children or become terrible people. I'm sat on my own upset waiting for DD to finish playing with my mum and I don't plan on coming back to see them anytime soon.

Handhold, anyone? What's the worst thing a parent has said to you?

Reading this thread, some of the comments and circumstances are unthinkable, I'm so sorry people have gone through this. I've had a few gems in my life too, my mum mainly in the form of silence when my brother and I were hit by stepfather over the years, my Dad who was never really interested told me "you can't miss what you've never had" when I asked if he missed me.

BUT...sometimes I wonder if we as children can be quick to judge our parents, who are nothing but human. Our parents can only operate from the toolbox they have been given, which is sometimes very limited. They are open to stress, physical and mental illness just as we are. But, then again, some are resentful, spiteful, jealous and unhappy.

BUT...sometimes I wonder if we as children can be quick to judge our parents, who are nothing but human.

I don't know.

I cut contact with my mother when I was 37 because she was stil saying that stuff (and far worse) then.

@Santaiscovidfree

Haven't had much of a relationship at all with my df tbh.. Once rang him (in my 20's with weekly contact) and said hello df.. He asked who it was.. I am an only dc.. Went downhill fast then tbh. Dm once tried to change my dd's names as apparently my choices were rubbish. Been nc with both for most of my adult life.

Sounds very similar to my ‘d’m who when I rang her one time, the conversation went like this:

Me: Hi, Mum, its me.
Mum: sorry, who?
Me: Sally*
Mum: sorry, WHO???? (Her and dad never went out much, so she couldn’t have known many Sallys* if any except me)
Me: Sally*. Your daughter.
Mum: Oh. You.....

*Not my real name.

I went NC with her and ‘d’ f not long after.

Given your backstory of your dad didn’t want his own kids anyway yet your mum still had kids... I wouldn’t leave my DD with him. He is 71 but there was no need to be so nasty.

On top of everything, my mother had terrible boundaries and a complete inability to prioritise a child's needs over her wants.

Ultimately, we went no contact with her because she posed a safeguarding risk to my children.

It was quite clearly her and ot me but the damage has already been done.

I did not become the person I could have been because of her. For her own reasons, (and i can imagine what they were) she set out destroy me and therapy hasn't yet been able to put it right.

So I just make the best of a really crap situation really.

@again2020

Posting on here for solidarity and to prevent me from venting to anyone in real life.

I've been offered 4 days at work from September, up from my usual 3. My parents used to do a bit of childcare before my daughter went to nursery. I broached the subject with them today about childcare 1 day a week (support bubble) and my dad had a huge rant and lost his temper with me, saying he finds DD hard work and he doesn't enjoy seeing his children or grandchildren and he doesn't have many years left to do what he wants (he's 71). Fair enough, a bit upsetting but I know not everyone wants to be childcare for their grandkids.

He later came and said his children (me and DB) have been a huge disappointment and he wouldn't recommend being a parent to anyone.

So as not to drip feed, DB is a recovering addict. He's getting a lot better though. I'm in a difficult relationship and am on antidepressants. But I don't think we've been terrible children or become terrible people. I'm sat on my own upset waiting for DD to finish playing with my mum and I don't plan on coming back to see them anytime soon.

Handhold, anyone? What's the worst thing a parent has said to you?

Sorry to hear that OP, that was a horrible thing to say to you. I am holding your hand @again2020 and 💐 for you. It’s great news that you have been offered more work, your employers are obviously happy with you, and also good during these uncertain times xxxx

FWIW my elder sister has mental health issues stemming from the way she was ridiculed and taunted by our parents.

None of us are in touch with them now and they have since moved away....I’m hoping its because they can’t cope with the guilt.

• I wish I had never had you
• IF (she did) beat you as a child, you deserved it
• on receipt of an extensive present from me " well it's no more than I deserve for having you"
• being told I was a walking disaster for years
• that I was like my dad a useless cunt aged about 6

Too too many to mention and now denies any wrong doing after years of therapy I now accept she will never apologie but it does hurt

@LowlandLucky

Maybe you need to accept that times are tough for everyone these days. You may just have been the straw that broke your Dad. He is 71 not 41, the average life expectancy for men in the U.K is 78.2years. Maybe you need to remember he has done his share of childcare.

He later came and said his children (me and DB) have been a huge disappointment and he wouldn't recommend being a parent to anyone.

Read that sentence @LowlandLucky and ask yourself if you still think it was the straw that broke the camels back.

He later came.......

*broke your Dad, rather.

My mum pinned me up against a wall by squeezing my cheeks with her hand and repeatedly and calmly told me she hated me.
When I was 11 I had an awkward growth spurt and was starting to fill out like a woman so when I was wearing a matching outfit with my cousin she got upset and told me my cousin looked amazing and I looked like a fat slut (my new hips and bum made my shirt look shorter than on my cousin)
She told me I wouldn't be able to wear ger wedding dress like other daughters do sometimes because I would be too fat for it.
I didn't get put forward to do a dancing exam when I was about 8 because I wasn't quite "getting" the routine... on the way home my mum asked me why I was so useless and not any good at anything 😕
Also... when I was getting in trouble (often) she used to tell my younger brother that I was leaving to go to a children's home and he would never see me again. He would cry and get upset by this so then she used to bring me through to his room to watch him cry to show me what I had "done" ... we were about 12 and 7
It's affected me massively and it affects all my relationships and self esteem every day. I was also physically abused repeatedly

My mum died when I was 11. My dad was totally emotionally unavailable. About 20 years later I mentioned something about my mum and how much I missed her etc.

He said ‘well you might not have got on with each other’

😧😪

My mum had some issues as I was growing up . There was stuff going on behind the scenes I didn’t know about which obviously affected her , but when I was around 10 yrs old she told me I was very ugly and no one would ever want me , later followed by how she hated me and she hoped I didn’t come home from school one day and they found me dead in a ditch . Yeah seriously, I shit you not .
I have long standing self esteem issues , that even to this day ( I’m in my 50’s) I struggle with . Parents can fuck you up

My DM wished she had aborted me. She didn't remember my DS's name (he was her only grandchild). I had years of feeling less than because of having a mother like her

"I love you but I don't like you...I'm surprised that you have any friends"

Still to this day I struggle to maintain friendships as I find it hard to believe that other people can like me considering my own mother didn't.

That's a really awful thing for your dad to say Op, I'm sorry.

My mum had no filter for how to talk to us. She would routinely tell me that I was ugly, that noone would want to have sex with me (this was the biggest compliment to get from a man in her eyes I think). She told me that she never wanted a daughter. She told me that she didn't like my name because my dad chose it, that we were the reason my dad had left, that having children ruins your life, that it was our fault that she'd lost her figure, that noone would ever want me.

I'd say that I went low contact after I left home but the reality is we weren't in the least bit close, she never thought to ring me once I moved out and I only really got in touch with her for her birthday and Christmas. She had no desire to see me or know anything about me.

I have no idea what happened to cause her to be such a bitter and resentful person but it only got worse as she got older and more inward looking.
Parents do need to consider that their children will be human beings with all sorts of faults and complications, there's no guarantee that they will follow a path the parent expects. I have to say I'm glad that these days it is more acceptable for people to choose not to have children as I am certain my mum only did so due to societal expectation and she was never cut out to parent.

Another one relieved I’m not alone. My dm wasn’t content with saying these things to me but developed a whole online identity around being the parent of a shit daughter. She ‘diagnosed’ me with a personality disorder and created a whole online identity regarding being the mother of someone so seriously disturbed and how amazing she was. And I came across it one day.

My mother was a martinet with a sharp tongue and too quick to slap me around the face when she felt I wasn't paying her enough respect. At the age of 14 I came back to the UK and went to live with my Grandparents on their Dorset farm. It was like being released from a foreign prison and sent to live in paradise.

Three things stick in my mind and I'm 51 now.

When I had my 4th failed attempt of IVF my mum said 'looks like I'll be the only person on the street with no grandchildren'! No empathy for me at all.

When I had my hair cut short she told me I looked like a lesbian, I was only 20 at the time.

When my dad tried to assault me I told him I was calling the police, he said 'you had a f'ing policeman and you couldn't keep him'. My ex was a copper and had an affair but apparently they both think it was my fault. My dad hasn't spoken to me for 5 years since that incident as I called him out on his emotional abuse towards my mum, hence him trying to assault me. She still lives with him to!

I truly have a dysfunctional family 😳

My mother has come out with some corkers over the years. Accusing me of being fat and lazy was one of them. I had two, two day old twins and a toddler to look after at the time, and had lost half the blood in my body at the birth. Yeah I wasn't up to doing much exercise at that point

Wow that's awful, nobody should be spoken to like that. His ego has obviously been bruised as he had some wild expectation you weren't party to and didn't achieve. Horrible

I think my dad not taking my hoarder tendencies seriously and laughing at my clutter and inability to get rid of stuff. It's traumatic for me and he doesn't get it. Him and my sister threw stuff away and have never realised what an effect it had.

I constantly get 'well you've only got one child, life is easier for you.'

Every day that is my day, graduation, wedding etc my mother will sulk and ignore me if she does say anything it will be really nasty. Then the next day go back to her usual self.

I remember going with her to visit her brother who had schizophrenia, she told him he should just pull himself together. He committed suicide not long after and she blamed his wife.

That when I was 3 months old she threw me on the bed to stop me crying.

That I was "just like my father" (who she hated).

Finally, on two occasions, that she wished I'd never been born.

After nearly half a century on the planet, if there's one thing I've learned it's to leave these people behind, learn to recognise the signs, and stay well away from such types in the future.

It doesn't matter that they're blood relations. They will drag you down.

So many from my mum...told from a very young age that having kids ruined her life,that she isn't maternal and has never liked babies/young kids.

Leaving us to go live with her abusive dp. We lived with our grandparents and she just assumed they would take on the responsibility of two kids. Thank goodness they did!. We had met her dp twice at that point and he was very clearly a sociopath.

Told us when she fell pregnant with my youngest sibling when I was 13 that she had planned to have an abortion but her abusive dp found out. Later confided to me(again still a teenager) that she had an abortion after he raped her.

Constantly told me I would be prettier if I lost a couple of stone. Compared me to my very slim(via a 40 a day cig habit) sister. Resulting in my having bulimia for a couple of years. Screaming at me when she found empty food wrappers stuffed in my wardrobe instead of questioning why I was eating/hiding so much food.

Bullied me into having an abortion.

Repeatedly told me we are too alike and that's why we don't get on. Hell would freeze over before I walked out on my kids D's!
Am now no contact after she had some sort of mental breakdown and wrote me a crazed letter accusing me of sleeping with her dp(my siblings father) when I was 15. Her dp was physically and sexually abusive to both myself and my sister. When I gently pointed out that I thought she was ill and should seek help she told me if I ever darkened her door again she would stab me.
I had councelling for years to try and stop the over riding guilt I feel about everything. I now know I'm her scapegoat as she simply cannot face her own failings.

I dropped out of a PGSE after several months of really struggling mentally with the pressure and a very vicious mentor, and being told by pretty much all the teachers I encountered that it was all-consuming, and that they had no time for family or the things they wanted to do.
My mum's response was, "Is it our fault you're like this?"
It was the first thing I'd dropped out of - I'd already got two good degrees from top universities, I'd been a straight A* and the odd A student at school, and I'd done a very challenging but worthy job for the last 5 years - but that was a real kick when I was down.
I realise now that she isn't a happy woman and that her whole sense of self comes from her children and how they're viewed by other people, but still.

And going back to read the thread properly, mine looks properly petty now...
I'm so sorry to all the people whose parents have been so cruel and uninterested.