What's the worst thing your parents have said to you?

[again2020]

Posting on here for solidarity and to prevent me from venting to anyone in real life.

I've been offered 4 days at work from September, up from my usual 3. My parents used to do a bit of childcare before my daughter went to nursery. I broached the subject with them today about childcare 1 day a week (support bubble) and my dad had a huge rant and lost his temper with me, saying he finds DD hard work and he doesn't enjoy seeing his children or grandchildren and he doesn't have many years left to do what he wants (he's 71). Fair enough, a bit upsetting but I know not everyone wants to be childcare for their grandkids.

He later came and said his children (me and DB) have been a huge disappointment and he wouldn't recommend being a parent to anyone.

So as not to drip feed, DB is a recovering addict. He's getting a lot better though. I'm in a difficult relationship and am on antidepressants. But I don't think we've been terrible children or become terrible people. I'm sat on my own upset waiting for DD to finish playing with my mum and I don't plan on coming back to see them anytime soon.

Handhold, anyone? What's the worst thing a parent has said to you?

Aw op, so sorry, that's tough to hear from your dad! What did your mum say?
I remember as a child we were on a family holiday, me and DS's were jumping in the swimming pool and when I jumped in my mum said here comes moby dick (I was an overweight child) never forgot that

Oh that's awful! What a horrible thing to say.
I think you should distance yourself for your own mental health. You can't be in close proximity to that sort of attitude and it not affect you.
What he said can never be taken back and you'll never forget it.

I always got the feeling that my parents thought little of me, but they've not expressed it in words. They're just cold and disinterested.
They like to put on a show where the grandkids are concerned. They play dutiful GPs to the outside world but in reality have babysat less than a handful of times in 15yrs and my kids barely know them.

I'm so sorry OP. My mother told me that my SIL was the daughter she should have had (thin, rich, successful, fluent in 3 languages and an all round Good Egg).

When I was 6 foot tall at 14, she bought me a fake brick for Christmas to 'stop you growing anymore'

I now have to put up my imaginary shields and, much as I love her, not seeing her through Covid has been a bit of a relief, I haven't missed the constant snipy comments.

She thinks we have a fantastic relationship. We don't.

That's awful OP. My Mum has said a few things over the years. One that always sticks is when I told her I was pregnant with DC3. The first words out of her mouth were 'You can't cope with the two you've got.'

Firstly, it was entirely untrue. I think she meant that my house wasn't a show home like hers, because I actually spent time playing with my kids instead of cleaning all the time. She also disagrees with anyone having more than 2 kids, so it was never going to go down well. It is something I will never forgive though.

I would look for alternative childcare. Imagine the things they will teach/say to your child.

‘I love you but I don’t like you.’

13 or 14 years old. Don’t speak to her anymore.

@Aussiebean some 14 year olds are pretty unlikeable to be fair, there must be other issues though.

Erm, I don't know. It's awful your dad has ranted on like that but if it's out of character for him I'd speak to him about it another day (not with a view to childcare though).

Ah that's harsh O. P.
I've lost count with my dad but one of my mums gems was "look, just get some tablets and toughen up" when I'd had a messy exit from a job with a narcissist boss.
Yet through my teens I had to deal with her crisis during and after the divorce.

My sister lives around the corner from my mum in our town of birth. I moved to the nearest city for work.

When Dad got ill, sister helped during the week and I came over every Friday night and stayed until Sunday night to help which involved sleeping on the settee to keep an ear out and let mum rest.

This went on for about 2 years.

When he died, I didn’t accept it immediately so didn’t openly cry and went back to work after two weeks whereas my mum and sister openly fell apart.

My mum said she understood I wouldn’t be as upset because I wasn’t as close to my dad given I wasn’t there for him as much as she and my sister.

Probably when my mum said it was my fault i had a miscarriage.

we're extremely low contact now due to other reasons but that was particularly harsh.

years later when i mentioned it to her she denied she had said it.

sorry your dad was so horrible to you, what an awful think to say about your children and grand children.

does your mum know he said it?

that I am greedy, a liar ( I disclosed father's abuse) , impatient and a wrong-un -

fwiw I am in a registered profession that requires ethical and honest behaviour, totally independent, have never asked for or received a thing off them, and try very hard to live by christian principles, have very little in savings, but a healthy set of direct debits to my chosen charities- i AM however, impatient, I must admit

My mum told me everyone in our family would think it was my fault that my grandfather died. He killed himself after it came out he had been sexually abusing me for 14 years.

@Aussiebean

‘I love you but I don’t like you.’

13 or 14 years old. Don’t speak to her anymore.

Ha, snap! I said it straight back.

I'm sorry that he's such a cunt OP, what a horrible thing to say

@Smarshian that's awful too, I'm sorry you went through that

That's so shocking OP, this is why BB is an addict and you are on antidepressants - because of him I would think.
My stepfather called me a useless bastard all the time (my mother wasn't married when she had me) and that I'd never be part of his family. My mother did not intervene in this abuse at all.
Surprise, surprise, I'm on lifelong antidepressants.

My mum, when I was splitting up from my husband (because he was shagging someone else while we were going through fertility treatment), told me how proud she was of herself and Dad for being married for forty years and how well my brother was doing for being married for ten years and how she really felt that our family, except me, was very successful at relationships.

That was fun.

The best time with you was the 9 months before you were born, amongst other gems

I'm sorry OP, that's incredibly hurtful. I suspect it has more to do with your brother than you, but there's really no excuse for your father to say something so cruel. He'll be lucky if you don't take him at his word and keep your children away from him. - I bloody would.

Mine - well, tough call, but probably:

Mum: "You've never brought me anything but heartache. I wish I'd never set eyes on you and if I never saw you again it would be too soon." I was 11 and it was as she was making me pack all my belongings so she could dump me and my brother in my dad's garden in the rain, on NYE, when she knew he wouldn't be there. She came back for us a couple of hours later and we weren't allowed to mention it again.

Dad: to my brother, in front of me, when I was 15 and my brother 17: "You can have any number of daughters, it's not the same, girls are easy - you just do this and it's all they need. But you're my son. My only son. All my hopes and dreams are bound up in you."

I'm sorry op.

When I was 12 or 13, and having treatment for mental health problems that stemmed from (very) early childhood sexual abuse, my mum told me she thought I might have been making it up / have false memory syndrome.

I've never forgiven her for that.

When my db and I didn't get invites to a family wedding.
'Well I can understand you not getting an invite nobody likes you.'

That's horrible OP, I'm so sorry.

My dad has never been horrible about it but doesn't bother much with his grandkids or his actual kids. It's their loss.

My mum has said many thoughtless, idiotic things, the worst probably being that she would never have been abused as a child (like I was) because she was more streetwise than me.

Exactly the same here. And she now wonders why I'm not close to her

When I told my dad I couldn’t have children he said oh well it’s not the be all and end all. I don’t think I’d bother if could go back in time! He was trying to be nice and we get on really well, honestly!

That my wedding wouldn't be a "proper" wedding because DH dad had died.

Haven't had much of a relationship at all with my df tbh..
Once rang him (in my 20's with weekly contact) and said hello df..
He asked who it was..
I am an only dc..
Went downhill fast then tbh.
Dm once tried to change my dd's names as apparently my choices were rubbish.
Been nc with both for most of my adult life.