What's the worst thing your parents have said to you?

[again2020]

Posting on here for solidarity and to prevent me from venting to anyone in real life.

I've been offered 4 days at work from September, up from my usual 3. My parents used to do a bit of childcare before my daughter went to nursery. I broached the subject with them today about childcare 1 day a week (support bubble) and my dad had a huge rant and lost his temper with me, saying he finds DD hard work and he doesn't enjoy seeing his children or grandchildren and he doesn't have many years left to do what he wants (he's 71). Fair enough, a bit upsetting but I know not everyone wants to be childcare for their grandkids.

He later came and said his children (me and DB) have been a huge disappointment and he wouldn't recommend being a parent to anyone.

So as not to drip feed, DB is a recovering addict. He's getting a lot better though. I'm in a difficult relationship and am on antidepressants. But I don't think we've been terrible children or become terrible people. I'm sat on my own upset waiting for DD to finish playing with my mum and I don't plan on coming back to see them anytime soon.

Handhold, anyone? What's the worst thing a parent has said to you?

And for those who asked what DM said, she just said if it was up to her she would see me and DD. I feel sad for her that she married such a controlling man and has barely made a decision for herself in nearly 40 years 🙈

@Dozycuntlaters

‘I love you but I don’t like you.

AussieBean my mum said on occasion I don't ALWAYS like you, but I ALWAYS love you. My mum was wonderful and I know what she meant now I have a son of my own. I guess it's the way it's said but I am sure she did like you most of the time

I suspect some parenting book in the mid 70s suggested it because I've seen variations on it so many times on MN. AussieBean's Mum is the nicest variation. My DM said 'I love you but I don't always like you.' Made love feel like duty rather than a choice. But she was sent to boarding school aged 7 and didn't have a great relationship with her own Mum.

Nowadays of course we are told to label the behaviour but not the child so 'I don't like it when you do X'.

@again2020

And for those who asked what DM said, she just said if it was up to her she would see me and DD. I feel sad for her that she married such a controlling man and has barely made a decision for herself in nearly 40 years 🙈

You know, I was almost certain you'd say that. Your poor mum too And it's not like you can give your father his wish and leave alone in his old age because that'd be punishing your long suffering mother too

Oh god. Where to start?”you haven’t even got the guts to kill yourself” after I came from hospital after overdose.

If you don't accept my new girlfriend, I don't need you in my life.

'You used to be so pretty. How did we let you get so fat?'

When I was 35 we sold our house and went to live with "d"m to help her with bills etc. Just before we moved in with her, I told her I was having counselling for the sexual abuse I suffered at the hands of her friends.

Her response? You're trying to push your guilt on to me.

8 months later we moved out and went nc.

So many. Too many to mention here but I found an excellent therapist who specialises in toxic family dynamics and I have moved past the hurt and anger the comments and actions cause to a place of benign indifference. I won't post the details on here but if anyone feels they might be helped by them I'll share in a DM.

Where do I start? The gems include, going out with a boyfriend above my station?

I would never get a good job, never learn too drive etc. I did all those things.

A few years later we had a house fire, due to an electrical fault & were sent too hospital by ambulance, our home destroyed, I was so careless?

When I became pregnant, as planned at 29, I was too old, when I said too my GP, I am too old, he looked at me like I was completely mad, and said it’s a great age to have a baby. I had been happily married for 5 years at the time?

Needless to say I have been NC, with my mum, for many happy years! No regrets, I don’t need that negativity in my life.

After a horrible trauma I was suicidal and I guess I talked too much about how bad I was feeling and my dad told me "put up or shut up".

I put up, btw. Spent the next couple of years in and out of hospital.

That it should have been me that had had a miscarriage not my DSis. Upon announcing I was pregnant with DC3 after 5 consecutive miscarriages myself (DSis had miscarried DC1 the week before but I was completely unaware or would have held of my news)

@Aussiebean

‘I love you but I don’t like you.’

13 or 14 years old. Don’t speak to her anymore.

Same but when I was about 5/6. Apparently everyone said it...

My mum had an infuriating tendency to volunteer me for things I didn't necessarily want to do (or even agree with). If I asked "Do I have to?", her response was always the same: "OOH, you're dead mean. You won't put yourself out for anybody."

It wasn't until many years after she died that I realised that it isn't compulsory to say yes to every request - but even now, I get a pang of conscience if I ever say no.

'If you lost some weight you might get a boyfriend'
I was 13 and a size 10. Yes I did end up with an eating disorder. She will swear blind I'm making that up though.

Oh where to start?

You're not the sort of girl (later woman) boys (men) fall in love with. You're the sort they settle for when they realise they can't have who they really want.

No one will ever love you. No one will ever want you. No one will ever care about you. (Those words haunt me.)

You're too... or not enough... everything.

You need to be more... less... everything else.

Why don't you trying being more like everyone else? Then people will like you (I was later diagnosed with AS).

There's something wrong with you.

The men in white coats will come and take you away.

You? Why would he have been looking at you?!

What did you do to provoke him into hitting you? You'd better be careful or next time he might dump you.

All women have sex with men they don't want to have sex with. Just let them do it and make life easy for yourself.

Said to my sibling about me, "I don't love her. I don't hate her because I wouldn't actively wish anything bad to happen to her. I just don't care if it does."

That's a snapshot from the 37 years of my life before I cut my mother out of it.

Probably no surprise that it's all borne out. I might not have been born unloveable but I became that way.

I've never been loved and I don't have the blueprint there to ever be loved.

An ex boyfriend once told me i was carrying so much trauma that, even if someone did ever love me, no one would ever be able to love me enough to fill the void inside me. He was right.

It's sad. I've never had any desire to achieve professional success, or material wealth, or to travel the world. All I've ever wanted, in my whole life, was for someone to love me.

That's all.

@JustNotFunAnymore God, had similar to that aswell. Poor you. Ended up bordering anorexia at aged 12.

How could I forget "You look like the whore of babylon" (before a night out when I was 19) 🙄

Wow, that is awful Op. MY mother once told me on christmas day that she prefered dogs (to me ,and my brother but he disappoints her lessi think)

My mum can be VERY cruel, but if you are hurt by her cruelty, she throws herself up on the cross and is the real victim of my hurt feelings. She and my dad had, and still have, very low self esteems and they project their shame, they deny, they blame, they defend, theyobfuscate and they back each other up always. So this "model" of a good marriage that. Was pushed on me as an example i failed to achieve all these years, it is actually a narcissist and her enabler. I cant get through to them but at least I SEE WHAT'S HAPPENING NOW😭

@AnotherDayAnotherStory That's an absolute tragedy. I'm so sorry

I hope you have found some source of joy in your life and have someone to talk to. You are worth so much more than those awful remarks. You can always pm me if you want to chat.

. She and my dad had, and still have, very low self esteems and they project their shame, they deny, they blame, they defend, theyobfuscate took me a long while to realise that damaged people damage people. It is possible to move past it thpugh

'When I'm dead you'll be sorry'
'You must have done something to provoke him'
'TS is the black sheep of the family' so many

[quote again2020]@JustNotFunAnymore God, had similar to that aswell. Poor you. Ended up bordering anorexia at aged 12.

How could I forget "You look like the whore of babylon" (before a night out when I was 19) 🙄[/quote]
Bulimia here. Still catches me out if I'm feeling out of control

After having my third baby I recognised the signs of PND which I had had (I think) with all three. My husband is excellent and so supportive. I decide to broach the subject with my sister because I'm feeling so bad I want help.
I tell her I feel like stepping into the road without looking or keeping driving straight (into a bridge) on the motorway when the road bends. I feel like my baby will be better off when I'm gone.
She tells mum who comes round and is so dismissive saying 'what's this bloody stupidity about driving into a bridge? Grow up'

When my DS was born, my 'D'M said she'd been praying I would miscarry so that my child wouldn't have to be brought up by 'homosexuals'.

My sexuality had been an issue in the family since I came out in my early 20s, but that was the final straw that led to NC - and finally pushed me to get therapy.

To me as a little child wanting to play with DF and being ignored (again). "I never wanted children, you know. Your mother did. I'd rather you hadn't been born." Readers, we're not close.