What's the worst thing your parents have said to you?

[again2020]

Posting on here for solidarity and to prevent me from venting to anyone in real life.

I've been offered 4 days at work from September, up from my usual 3. My parents used to do a bit of childcare before my daughter went to nursery. I broached the subject with them today about childcare 1 day a week (support bubble) and my dad had a huge rant and lost his temper with me, saying he finds DD hard work and he doesn't enjoy seeing his children or grandchildren and he doesn't have many years left to do what he wants (he's 71). Fair enough, a bit upsetting but I know not everyone wants to be childcare for their grandkids.

He later came and said his children (me and DB) have been a huge disappointment and he wouldn't recommend being a parent to anyone.

So as not to drip feed, DB is a recovering addict. He's getting a lot better though. I'm in a difficult relationship and am on antidepressants. But I don't think we've been terrible children or become terrible people. I'm sat on my own upset waiting for DD to finish playing with my mum and I don't plan on coming back to see them anytime soon.

Handhold, anyone? What's the worst thing a parent has said to you?

As a 13 year old I got told you are a fat ugly c@nt , I don’t love you , you are an embarrassment, I wish I’d never had you. This was because I’d missed a delivery that needed to be sighned for .

He doesn't owe you childcare but should have stopped talking at that point. The rest of what he said is uncalled for shittery.
Definitely do not risk your kids being exposed to a repeat performance.
Highly unlikely to be dementia. Much more likely he's a selfish bastard. Try not to internalise his remarks (easier said than done I absolutely know).

FWIW I was sick in hospital with second round of leukaemia. Told my DH I could not go on another 48 hrs. Absolutely maintain to this day my body was failing.
My own father said I ruined his birthday by being in hospital "I EVEN came to see you AND it was my birthday".
That'll put hairs on your chest.

Don’t hug me I don’t like that (hours after my dad died)

I was 14 brushed my hair to go to the shop and she said Don’t know why your bothering who’s going to look at you

My sister died when we were teenagers, my mother said ‘the wrong sister died’ that was pretty much the end of our mother/daughter relationship. I try to be the dutiful daughter but you can never unsay these things. She also said to me after a miscarriage that it was ‘for the best’ I didn’t tell her the next three that I had. She’s not a nice woman. I vowed to break her cycle of evil parenting & have 2 amazing children that are my absolute world. I couldn’t imagine saying these wicked things to them. They will never have to feel the I did.

Oh and this was off my df who wonders why I have low self esteem and depression years later and don’t like peoples company

My dad telling me I was a wh*re just like my mother, (when I let a friend from college stay over after we all got stranded and not enough money for separate taxis, he slept on my bedroom floor)

My parents are still together and my dad is still and ass hole.

Personally I would have told your dad to go fcuk himself but that's just me.

I don't know about anyone else but I didn't realise how awfully I was treated until I had my own dc. The thought of me dying and my dd lying on her bed sobbing and her father screaming at her that I was a bitch anyway makes my blood run cold.

My mother called me a 'little bitch' on my 11th birthday. She was deadly serious, she meant it.

I've discussed it since with both my brothers (who were there and witnessed it) and 50 years later none of us can think what motivated her to say it...

I've never forgotten or forgiven her for it.

My mother told me she wished she never had me, if my brother was born first she wouldn’t have had any other children. Another time she told me she used to wish I would die in my sleep.
I don’t think it’s me per say more that she despises women. There have been lots of things over the years that she has said it done to me which has stayed with me. I’ve had no contact with her or my father and brother for about 7 years now, she last told me that she didn’t understand why I no longer wanted her in my life, she honestly doesn’t think she’s wrong.

my mum told me she regretted having me. It was in the heat of the moment so I have tried not to read too much into it. Our relationship is not great so I haven't let it get to me.

And it's weird because as an adult I look back and wish I'd told him to get lost..I could have done..he wouldn't have hurt me, he never laid a finger on me, but as a child I remember feeling so guilty for being upset and disloyal.

‘D’f called me a fat cow as a teenager. He also said he’d choose my dm over his children which I don’t mind but the way he said it was horrible “I’d choose her over and over and over in a heartbeat”

I also had the
'i love you but I don't like you.' (pathetic thing to say to a teenager).
But then would repeatedly be asked in a quite begging way if I loved her more than I loved my dad.
Erm nope.

Sometimes I don't like the things my daughter does but I will always like her because I'll always love her. By not liking her then I can't love her.

Needless to say I have least contact with her out of all of us children and will never have a close relationship with her.

@MawkishTwaddle My mother also came out with the 'I was offered a termination' line too. It's only because she's Catholic, not because she really wanted me, that I'm here.

She also told me that having children was more painful than having chemotherapy/radiotherapy...I was 34 and was having both for the second time as my cancer had returned. No empathy whatsoever....

The man present at my conception once said l was old, ugly, and fat.

I also had the 'i love you but I don't like you

In the context of a normal loving family, I don't think this is so awful, especially with teens. they can be bloody horrible sometimes and lots of parents probably feel like that occasionally.

@Ninninannanoonoo
I am crying for you... That is so horrible!
I have Been told my late mother rude every hair in her head that she had me!

My mum says I'm a bad person with no heart because I won't allow her or her convicted paedophile partner around my dc.

Maybe you need to accept that times are tough for everyone these days. You may just have been the straw that broke your Dad. He is 71 not 41, the average life expectancy for men in the U.K is 78.2years. Maybe you need to remember he has done his share of childcare.

Mum - That she wished she'd had an abortion.

Dad - that I was a complete embarrassment and had ruined his career. I was 16.

Also my beautiful children now grown up who I speak to every single day (in lockdown I saw them more in real life before. Lockdown) did not want anything to do with her before she died

My dad said I looked like a slag. I was 7, and just trying on some donated clothes, including a miniskirt. I had no idea what a slag was, just the contempt in his voice told me it was bad.

When I was 20, and anorexic, he wrote me a letter, telling me I was so ugly, he couldn’t bear to look at me.

At the age of 39, having divorced DH1, and leaving the country to live with ‘D’H2, she told me that her and dad were giving me some money to take with me. I told it wasn’t necessary, and she said without thinking, ‘Well, you won’t be having any children , so no grandchildren for us, you might as well have it.’ I’d had several miscarriages, 3 lots of IVF, and never succeeded in having a child.
It sounds difficult, and it was at the time, and you can see I remember these words. That said, they have been amazing parents, and I love them dearly, no grudges held, just the memories. 3 dodgy comments in lifetime of love and support? I’ll take that, our relationship is more important to me, as they are in their late 80’s.
For you though, OP, perhaps keeping your distance for a while, that’s a horrible thing to hear. You sound an amazing woman, stay close to those you love who will not cause these arrows in your heart.💐

When I finally found the courage to tell my mother that a family friend had sexually abused me, she said "Oh, that's probably because he tried it on with me and I turned him down".
I was 9 years old.

From my dad. "of course you won't succeed at anything. you're a girl".

Admittedly he was drunk at the time.

🙄🙄🙄 to OP and all posters, just a virtual hug, I have no words, nearly in tears here reading it all.

From very young, I have always drummed into my kids that if you don’t mean it, don’t say it because once it’s said out loud, it can’t be unsaid or unheard.

Hugs to all.