Name changed to spare my blushes!
LONG
After my marriage broke down I started online dating and met the MOST amazing guy....on the surface we are opposites....I have quite a sensible mum style as I have 2 kiddies and do most school and after school runs....I am a couple of years older....quite sexually vanilla.
He is VERY unconventional....dresses very flamboyantly....heavily tattooed....bisexual and VERY sexually adventurous. When we met he was exploring open relationships and BDSM. So different but so exciting.
The connection was huge and like nothing I ever experienced before.....
I was open with him that I wanted to be in an exclusive relationship before I would sleep with him....he said he was still getting over a recent casual relationship with a woman who was very clingy and refusing to accept their break up so was not ready to commit....so we agreed to be friends....
We kept in touch and had a LOT of great phone sex and he opened my eyes to exploring things.
We both met other people around the same time but kept in touch. Sometimes it did stray into the sexual side of things in conversations...although I was happy with the guy I was dating, sexually it felt like there was something missing because I kept wanting him to do the things my friend had opened my eyes to.
His relationship was an on off nightmare after the first glow wore off....but he was committed to making it work as she was quite vulnerable from previous relationship....and he didn’t want to be another bad experience for her....
They did eventually break up and he came straight to mine and we had THE most incredible sex....I had sensations I’ve never felt before....it was amazing.
He said again that he was staying away from relationships as he was clearly not ready to commit without causing pain....
We still had sex when I was in his town for work ....the connection just got stronger and stronger as friends and as lovers....
We both kept dating other people but nothing long term has happened for me as even when I meet a great guy....I compare him to my amazing friend....
Lockdown has meant we haven’t seen each other but we still speak a lot....not as much as I would like !
I haven’t been dating due to lockdown but he has been dating someone for a few months....He seems very meh with this woman....just not his usual fabulous self and I really feel it would be so much better between us....it’s been a while since we met and neither of us has found anyone else who sparks us like we do together. I feel alive just thinking about him....I know my kids would love him and his kids me....we would be an unusual bunch but happy! He has truly opened my eyes to so many things in life....it feels like an adventure with him!
Should I put all my cards on the table and tell him how I feel ?
Lockdown is making me reassess my life and no matter what situation I look at I think life would be so much better with him in it as my partner in life and love!