Dating Thread 199 - Come on 2021....

[LongtimelurkerL]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Just sharing a profile that popped up tonight. Let's call him Kevin.

"Kevin, 52

My name is not Kevin and I have no idea how to change it. Well this is a sorry state of affairs whereby our lives are now judged by the swipe of a finger. Left and your gone.. Right and you look ok. Once you past the swiping stage then you get the chance to chat that's if anyone ever answers.
If they answer are they interested or just being polite now there's the rub to suffer the slings and arrows.
Anyway hanging on in there in the hope that this is actually going to lead to something."

Was there ever a more cheerful soul? Who wouldn't want to hang out with Kevin? His intro made me chuckle though.

@WeWantTheFinestWines see if he looked half decent in his photos, id probably swipe on Kevin thinking he was funny 😁 and end up in all sorts of a sorry mess full of regret after

Yeah I think I have a weird sense of humour and if the rest of Kevin's profile looked okay... You know normal photos not showy off ones.... I'd probably swipe right too 😂

Lol at sad Kevin

I think I’m personally actually a bit wary of “joke/spoof” profiles - I’d maybe have given them a chance a few years ago when I was more open to randomness

but now I feel meeting people is hard enough without having to wade through layers of jokiness and it’s a bit “trying too hard”

Often it’s a form of emotional defensiveness which is hard to break through - I want to know thd basics about someone not be at the Edinburgh Fringe.

I had a pof message years ago from someone who had set up a spoof sounding profile

he sounded intelligent and humorous in his message and explained the profile was just a send-up.

So we arranged for coffee - he then cancelled, suggested a phone call in which I think he was aiming to “bond” and for me to be extra eager because of the Adrenalin rush of him cancelling

It was just far too much of a weird head fuck - I think he’d read some amateur psychology stuff about how to get someone’s attention by being on/off or hot/cold or being full of surprises but it just came across really weird.

If we’d met I’d have been worried he’d turn up five hours late at a different venue with a clown suit on to test my reaction. Dating is not a comedy rom-com set-up I like the first meet to be simple as possible.

I think you encountered someone very flaky @SleepyBunk but it’s a bit of a stretch to read emotional defensiveness into someone having a non-bland profile with humour, though I get that it might be a sign of look at me! look at me! attention seeking. However trying too hard in the online dating world where zero effort seems the norm seems a good thing to me. We all complain about the bland profiles/the no text profiles/the crap photos/the clichés. I’ll start with someone who’s made an effort any day of the week.

Years ago when I was briefly quite seriously OLD my bio was done in a jokey manner, I'd never been OLD so didn't really have a clue what was said on them so just set mine up as though someone was chatting me up in RL 🤷‍♀️ tbh I found everyone to match felt they had to say something about it so was a great ice breaker. That was back in the day when I was chasing 'the one' after my marriage had ended. Now 6 years on I feel too damaged by the relationship that came from OLD that I don't even trust enough to meet anyone I don't know from RL and even that appears to be causing major jitters 🙈.

Kevin looked ok but did not smile in any of his photos. I would probably have swiped right based on photos though, if he hadn't sounded so depressed. But the combination of misery words and misery pictures (and poor grammar) left me no option but to swipe left. Despite the Shakespeare reference...

But when he comes round again, as they always do (apparently on Twitter 'no' does not mean 'no'), I will get his number for y'all 🤣🤣

Been single ages, a lot of nearish misses, very close to giving up but I think I might potentially be getting somewhere! Second date with someone yesterday and we have a huge amount in common and very similar humour. We went for a second long walk and he ended up inviting me over as obv nowhere is open (I know it's not in line with lockdown but we both live alone and work remotely, and have been careful, I really don't make a habit of this). Stayed over, had a great time, he seems really keen and he was texting me all evening after. So why does the panic always set in?! Worrying whether I out stayed my welcome (left about 4 but he kept making me food and coffee, the conversation didnt stop. I was very alert to whether he might be ready for me to go so it felt like quite a breezy exit despite the time! He said he definitely wants to see me again and we talked about 'next time' etc but we didn't arrange anything. I'm just really hoping it isn't another near miss. This whole process is so emotionally taxing!!

@Yellowhighheels that sounds promising to me, I know re the worrying when you like them but all sounds good from what you've said.

I have a new iron Mr Spreadsheet...been chatting a bit, seems normal so far, of course he lives miles away as they all bloomin do!

@Yellowhighheels - as in stayed overnight and DTD ... sorry not clear.

Yes keep it open, honest and breezy best way I think, if it will be it will be.

I think I'd swipe left or right on Kevin based on the whole profile. I like a lighthearted joke, but yes I'd be looking out for defence mechanisms.

Quick update from me then I will re-start the thread. It's getting awfully low.

I was very down this weekend - oh and Mr BeachHut came back ... again. So actually I just deleted his number and the chat. I went into my WhatsApp archive and started deleting old iron chats. I deleted phone numbers from old irons from my contacts. It was cathartic. I've got a headache

Mr Hometown has been with his DD all weekend and not messaged until last night.. just lighthearted chat. I hugely missed my goodnight on Saturday night and good morning messages yesterday. I knew he was with DD and he wasn't online at all so it wasn't concern he'd disappeared, more sadness because it's become a thing of ours. He didn't seem to want to chat loads last night so I didn't.

If/when I see him in person and if conversation comes up I'll be honest, say he would be my choice of FWB (even that idea is too much for him right now even though that's what we are) but as he doesn't want to go down that path and hang out a couple times a week, I am continuing my search. That doesn't mean I'm closing the door to him. I will leave it there with him. Regardless I will stay friends (or at least that's how I feel right now).

Meanwhile I have 4 potential irons, they are just chats right now I'm aware all could come to nothing, but we'll see.

New thread made!!!

Dating Thread 200 - Spring is in the Air, Ghosters Beware www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/4173064-dating-thread-200-spring-is-in-the-air-ghosters-beware

Thanks @cravingthelook - great thread title! Well I have a busy 3 days in work to keep my head out of relationships atm. Not seeing Mr L this week as he has some big family stuff going on and just aiming to catch up on sleep etc.

Are you planning to see Mr Hometown this week? Hope all goes well. And how are your other irons? I must admit when I have too many I forget about them and so maybe I am a ghostee by accident but I do like to have a few options. I felt really down last night with stress Sunday evening blues and actually really wanted Mr G to come over and give me a hug (he did offer even though it was 10pm and he lives a 35 minute drive away but of course I said no as that would be ridiculous!). I have had a sharp word with myself this morning! I feel a bit at the crossroads of either I finish it now or end up getting involved in the gnarly nightmare of his life and I just can't!

By the way love your profile @TheCatWithTheHat! And @HairyArsedMan sorry your date didn't go further but sometimes it is just nice to get out and meet someone isn't it? You never know what else people have going on when they decide not to pursue something. I have refused second dates with perfectly lovely people in the past and honestly couldn't have said why! Definitely just about me and how I was feeling at the time rather than a comment on them.

but sometimes it is just nice to get out and meet someone isn't it?
I know what you mean. I'm going to the local greengrocer in a minute, it's a rare opportunity to see another live human being (outside work). Not sure how I'll cope with the excitement.

@DdraigGoch exactly. I had a flu vaccine and donated blood, partly just in the name of entertainment the other week!

Thanks for new thread

Trying to get my head around what all the lockdown lifting means for dating

So it’s April for outdoor pubs, May for indoors. July for everyone vaccinated?

I have a round and a half of work stuff (three jobs and applications) but I really mustn’t put meeting new folk on hold for that

MrMilitary and MrC have both left things at “I’m here if you want me!” for chat (and more). I actually really miss them and I’m itching to send s catch-up message.

but I think it would be more sensible to acquire some interesting new contacts before I do that

Hello everyone,

Just catching up with the thread.

I've joined Tinder since I last posted and I've met a man who seems lovely. He wants us to meet up soon but I'm wary of dating because of what happened with my ex (have posted about him on here before)

I think I'm just a bit nervous of dating someone new. I have told the new guy that I want to take things slowly, he seems to be okay with that.

Aahhhh! I hate feeling like this!

Hand hold please?

You'll find more hands to hold on Dating Thread 200...