Dating Thread 199 - Come on 2021....

[LongtimelurkerL]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.
11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated
12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with
13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future
14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

[TheCatWithTheHat]

OK - here goes! I've left a couple of things slightly ambiguous just in case they're outing. I'm pretty pleased with it so far, but feel it could still do with something witty so any comments would be greatly appreciated!


I'm a friendly, fun and confident guy looking for that special someone to enjoy life with.

I love photography, road trips, weekends away exploring new places, writing my xyz blog, playing guitar (badly) and cooking.

I also enjoy being active, and try to exercise regularly although prefer going for a scenic bike ride along a river or park than doing weights in the gym. That said, I can occasionally be found binge-watching Netflix with a glass of wine and a chunk of Dairy Milk!

No kids, and never married but I do have x adopted cats. I also make a great cup of tea!

[bangheadhere40]

I like it cat...honestly can't see anything wrong with it!

[frankiefirstyear]

I like it too

[Yellowhighheels]

Cat you sound lovely!

[Slothmomma]

Nothing in that would put me off cat

[Yellowhighheels]

And I wouldn't try and make.it more witty, as it stands you sound fun and like you don't take yourself seriously ergo probably have a good sense of humour. Deliberate humour often doesn't come across as intended in these sorts of things, sharp wit can sound cutting or bitter; more absurd humour can come across daft, self deprecation can sound pass- agg etc.

[TheCatWithTheHat]

Thanks for the comments - I've done a little more tweaking, and I think I've found my (slightly) witty line. Does that add anything to it?

"I'm an outgoing, fun and confident guy looking for that special someone to enjoy life with, and to help me change the duvet cover."

I changed friendly to outgoing, as one of my friends pointed out that friendly is a bit dull. Which I may well be, but we're allowed to big ourselves up a bit on our profiles aren't we

[WingingItAtLife]

I like it too. Although I don't have much experience tbh.
And the duvet cover thing would make me laugh and catch my attention cz I hate changing duvet covers lol

[TheCatWithTheHat]

That's one of the worst things about being single I find

[bangheadhere40]

Maybe change it to " change the duvet cover in my own home that I own" 😁

That's a joke btw. Half the profiles I've swiped today have said own home and teeth again, it's sooooo dull.

[VanGoghsDog]

Looks good Cat.

I would maybe consider two very minor things - change 'that' special someone, to 'a' special someone, it feels less pressured somehow.

Maybe don't 'try' to exercise, maybe just do it - "I regularly exercise by cycling or walking" - though I'm not sure why you need to put 'exercise' as the word, it sounds like a report to your doctor, maybe just build on the 'being active' part a bit more and include the scenic bikes rides as more connected to that?


MrWG came and made me pancakes with bacon, maple syrup, berries, yoghurt (which I had told him is my favourite brunch) , and orange juice. He also set up my router, which was a lot more involved than I had expected, we chatted a lot (he talks a LOT) and had a walk, and then.....he left. We did have a very brief peck on the lips type kiss, so we're on step closer to full on passion!
Until we went out for the walk I wasn't even dressed.
I've got slightly more to the bottom of why this is such a slow thing I think, so we'll just see what happens next. I've told him he has to come for dinner, though it'll have to be before end Feb as I then need a 2 week firebreak before seeing my mum which is mid March, then I'll need a two week fire break the other side for him to be my bubble again!

[VanGoghsDog]

Yes, re duvet cover, every time I change the bed I think 1) why did I buy a king sized bed, it's so tedious to change, oh yes, so I could sleep in it with a lover and 2) why don't I have a lover to help me change the duvet cover??

[LongtimelurkerL]

Sounds great @TheCatWithTheHat!

How was your date @HairyArsedMan?

What have you worked out if you don’t mind me asking @VanGoghsDog?

[WeWantTheFinestWines]

Agree that your profile sounds upbeat and confident cat. No bitterness or shit spelling which is a rare treat! Coupled with some smiley photos without fish or children and I don't know why they're not banging down your door!

[TheCatWithTheHat]

@bangheadhere40 Thankfully I didn't have enough space in the box to add that!

@VanGoghsDog thanks - good point about trying to exercise, although it does feel like I do a lot more thinking about trying to exercise than actual exercise these days!

I've updated my profiles, although had to take a fair bit out on Bumble as you can only fit so many characters in there.

What are people's views on guys not showing their age on Tinder? I was going to delete and recreate my profile, as my Tinder age is a few years younger (I always feel guilty, and mention it straight away with any matches), but now I've paid for the upgrade I can hide it. But if that comes across as dodgy, I'll just delete it and start afresh.

[Mayzee]

I always wonder why the age was wrong in the first place even when guys mention it in their profile.
I think your profile sounds great @TheCatWithTheHat but unless you want to keep the incorrect age one for some reason, I would delete and start fresh.

[bangheadhere40]

I'd put your age for sure Cat, why not!

I'm chatting to an iron who I'm sure is older than he says...I'm not sure how to ask without being rude! If he was older than he says that would put me off tbh.

[LongtimelurkerL]

Def put your age @TheCatWithTheHat - there’s no reason I can see not to be honest esp if you’re wanting a relationship

[frankiefirstyear]

@VanGoghsDog that sounds such a lovely morning you've had

@TheCatWithTheHat it's the fitted sheet I struggle with!! Not long enough to hold one corner while doing the other corner 😂🙈 sounds great but did like the slight changes someone up thread mentioned. Hope it gets you some matches!

I've had a cancellation with Mr M due to his ex not being able to have the kids tonight 😭 what a waste of prep but hey ho that's life. Shopping delivery didn't bring alcohol either so could be a blessing in disguise really because of my jitters.

[TheCatWithTheHat]

I'll go with a delete and recreate in that case - I set my Tinder profile up ages ago with a younger age as it seemed a good idea at the time, but it just doesn't sit right with me. The reason I did it is that most people apparently leave the age-range settings as the default, which is x years above and below your own. So someone more than x years younger will never see you appear in their feed unless they change the max age setting.

I've actually had better matches on the other apps, which do have my genuine age, so it doesn't seem to help. And I hate the idea starting off a potential relationship with a lie even though I've always mentioned it early once chatting.

@frankiefirstyear oh that's a shame, and what an anti-climax! Hopefully you'll be able to rearrange soon though, and get some alcohol delivered too!

[Onesmallstep67]

Great profile Cat. The thread seems pretty upbeat at the moment so that's good. Maybe we are all hopeful that Bojo makes some sort of positive announcement tomorrow.
Mr V wasn't feeling well yesterday and that was the first Saturday we have missed seeing each other in ages. He's got a few ongoing health issues at the moment and saw his GP who is sending him for a couple of referrals. Firstly I am trying to keep a lid on my concerns. It's a bit of a trigger as I lost my DH to an illness with similar vague early symptoms. And then not seeing Mr V yesterday made it a little more unsettling too. He's already told me he's someone that retreats into himself when things get a bit tough. I told him not to withdraw last night and keep me in the loop which he assures me he will. We spoke this morning and plan to catch up later too. Fingers crossed it's something and nothing.
On a lighter note do we need an extra clever and appropriate thread title for no. 200 !!

[VanGoghsDog]

@LongtimelurkerL

Well, it's a couple of things, one I knew - he's submissive (in bed) which is fine with me, but possibly means he's not going to take the lead.

The second thing came out today, he's recently (pre Xmas) had a vasectomy, which I knew about (he's very open!) and he said something like "that removes one hang up", so I asked a bit about this, and he said with his previous gf they had a pregnancy 'scare' when (I don't know what happened) and she didn't tell him she was worried and it left him a bit concerned about penetrative sex. I mean, we've all got a history that affects the way we act, eh?

He also has said in the past he's wary of dating in a friendship group - we're in a hobby group though he doesn't go that often, but we have a lot of friends and acquaintances in common, and he has a lot of female friends (which is what was making me think he might be just 'being friends'). But I ascertained by text last night that he's not like this with all his friends - I just asked, I needed to know!

[HairyArsedMan]

@LongtimelurkerL Unfortunately my raw animal magnetism was not wafting in the right direction and I was summarily rejected on this occasion.

(I jest, for people recently on the thread, I’m a gentle soul)

@TheCatWithTheHat I’m not sure I have the perspective to comment on your profile- but go with what @VanGoghsDog said - do things, don’t try. Or rather talk about the things you do and enjoy rather than give the impression you dabble in them.

I like offbeat profiles. Saw one today that just said ‘Serial Ghostee. Here are a collection of my lockdown hairstyles’. And they were all great too, but she was 9 years younger than me. Another one ‘I didn’t believe in ghosts until I joined Bumble’.

[Clovertoast]

Oh @HairyArsedMan that's a real shame, what happened?

[HairyArsedMan]

@Clovertoast Actually one of the more positive and fun dates I’ve been on, and it wasn’t a short one by any means either. Quiet after the date though, and late this evening after I’d messaged to say I’d be keen to see her again, she told me she didn’t want to take things further. It’s ok though, it was an afternoon in decent conversation and I enjoyed it irrespective of the outcome.