Dating Thread 199 - Come on 2021....

[LongtimelurkerL]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@MissLI i tend to say I have been chatting to someone for longer and feel like I want to see how that goes. Most times they are lovely and say to get in touch if it doesn't work out.

Thanks, I'm new to this. I've sent a message saying I'm not in the right place for this right now, take care. I haven't blocked him yet, but will remove him from my contacts.

@LongtimelurkerL Thanks for the new thread.

@cravingthelook Sorry to hear you're struggling, is it life related?
We'll be here when and if you need to talk.

@WeWantTheFinestWines You are amazing for helping in the vaccination centres.

@Clovertoast Great news on the vaccination. Hope you are doing ok. Did yiu see Mr P last night? If you did how did it go, did you feel more at ease?

And to everyone else - regulars, returnees and new - welcome to the new thread. For those feeling bleeuurrgghh hopefully things will pick up soon and remember we're here for support dating related or not and for those just bumbling along hopefully you will keep on bumbling and restrictions will be lifted soon.

@Eesha How are you getting on? Trying to keep busy hopefully. How are your friends doing? It must be so tough to organise a funeral in Covid times.

@Heartbeats0708 Pain Shopping! That's it exactly. What an enormously stupid thing to do when nothing good can ever come out of it and you will definitely end up feeling shit. In my defense, his name is the same as the beginning of a common word so often when I write, FB suggests I might want to tag him - despite me unfriending him weeks ago!!! So I have no way of avoiding it.

@SortingItOut Hey! Thanks for asking, I've attended one funeral via zoom and the other is a few weeks away. It's really seeing it this way because numbers are limited at funerals and it seems a sad way to say goodbye. For this last one, there were 300+ on the call, very hard to manage.

Nothing much else to report other than homecoming and buying an epilator to try out. Mr Yoga last messaged on Sunday saying he was thinking about me and how was I? He added that things had been quite up and down but were calm at present. I did reply in a nice manner. My friend who is the autism expert said to just let him come to me so I'm just leaving that to happen. Rereading old messages, it's pretty obvious he was struggling with his Aspergers and trying to get help. I'm mentally seeing how things go till lockdown ends, which I think will be post Easter when I think kids will go back to school. I think I'll have a far better picture by then. That said, I've found an extremely filthy valentines card to send him and I will do so, even if just to put a smile on his face. I'm not doing anything more because if I don't get a card back, I'll feel a bit sad. So a card from me is a very small token!

Arf at filthy valentines card @Eesha

I’m going all slaggy and probably will just send random dirty pics as I can’t be arsed to do anything more creative.

@Eesha I agree with you, there is no proper goodbye or closure for people when the funerals are done on Zoom.
The only positive is that people who would not normally be able to attend the funeral for various reasons can now remain at home and attend.

Ooh an epilator, I'm too much of a wuss 🤣

I'm glad you're having some text exchanges with Mr Yoga. I agree that lockdown ending is a good time to review.

Yay to the card, I cant remember if I commented before but I think a card would be fine and a filthy one even better!!
I've been Valentines card shopping but haven't picked one yet, I like all the filthy ones but Mr K has concerns that I only want him for sex rather than for himself (well we did meet on Fab so what does he expect) so I have to get slightly tamer ones🙄

@SortingItOut im a great fan of the website Thortful, brilliant cards there.

I figured i wouldn't be seeing my beautician for ages so may as well make some steps towards looking less like a werewolf. An eye watering £130 though so this better work miracles!

@Eesha I like thortful cards but that website is Mr K's website of choice so I tend to stick with Love Layla or Etsy.
Wouldnt want to end up with the same card🤣

£130 for lots of pain😱

@SortingItOut it just occurred to me that if I didn't get a card from Mr Yoga, I'd be more than just a little upset.....

@Eesha I bet you would be, at the end of the day you're still a couple so I would hope he does get you a card.
He seems a thoughtful person as you mentioned before he did you a personalised xmas card.

I mentioned to MrC about Valentine’s Day actually and he said he doesn’t like it as it’s one day and too commercialised so MrYoga might be like that?

He has got me some nice thoughtful random presents (I didn’t get him anything for Xmas on his word) so I can’t complain. If we’re at the supermarket I might be cheeky and put some flowers for myself in the trolley 😝

MrMilitary offered to replace my phone as it’s shit but that’s all a bit too pricey and serious really.

I think some men just don’t really like Xmas or birthdays or valentines!

I actually am at the life stage now where I don’t like loads of stuff/tat/things to organise as I’m trying for minimalism so I prefer messages to objects.

That said, I’d love a post lockdown weekend away but I’ve decided to accept this year is going to be rubbish socially and “write it off” a bit, so I’m not spending all year feeling disappointed.

I'm with Mr C on Valentine's. Cynical, commercialised cause of expectations that have to be met. I would not be upset with a man who didn't get me anything. I would if my birthday was not acknowledged, or Christmas. Couldn't care less about Valentine's.

@SleepyBunk Yep Mr Yoga does feel it's commercialised so I shouldn't really expect anything plus I think my love language is time spent. TBH it's all up in the air at present because we aren't really in regular contact so why knows!

I'm hoping for a happy medium as my ex would be really generous with attention and gifts yet abusive behind the scenes. So whilst I don't expect tons, a card would be that happy medium.

I've been meaning to ask whether you are in the UK? How are you getting past lockdown and seeing your irons?

@Eesha

Bubbled with MrC (lives alone and he hasn’t seen his family for ages) but he’s currently away back in a week.

We agreed to bubble over the summer when he was away

but due to his crazy work routine (he had lots of DIY to do when back) and me being ill I wasn’t at his place as much as you might have thought!

and MrMilitary is away now but got a hotel room over Xmas so we could chat and catch up.

He was staying with his family locally and I didn’t want him just coming straight to mine first night as I hadn’t seen him in a year!.

We floated the idea of meeting up again, maybe at mine as the hotel meet went so well

but with me being ill and with applications I was a bit reticent at first (plus he’s last minute which does my ASD nut in - if I’m texting someone sexily at 1am I probably haven’t washed and am hairy and don’t want them offering to come over).

and then was mutually decided against - I don’t think lockdown really “hit him” earlier as they’re quite cushioned in the military - but after experiencing it we/he didn’t want him to be taking CV back home (vulnerable relatives) or to work.

So I feel strongly connected to my irons and comms good but we have not had much FTF time - but it is what it is really!

I definitely get a vibe both my irons got more cautious recently - they both are serious about work and I don’t think either wants to be the bloke who causes the ship to be grounded for a month!

Or if they have to self isolate then they miss out on work or pay or projects.

I think I’m emotionally coping accepting this year is going to be slightly “bitty” and just taking everything as it comes.

Yeh I’d love to be in a perfect interaction (I’m feeling cute now as well so definitely “wasting the pretty” )but life’s just not like that

It's days like today where I wish I had a supportive boyfriend. Crappy interview where the prick CEO made me feel like an inch tall, patronised, was very dismissive and mansplained things. I might be a pretty face but I'm not a fucking idiot. Needless to say it's not the right environment or company for me.

Sorry for the rant I just needed to get it off my chest.

Hi all,
I love the " I'm going all slaggy and sending dirty pics " comments.
I've been utterly surprised at myself at how willing I've been to explore my naughty side since the end of my marriage! I thought I had a low sex drive and could happily never do it again, turns out I was just doing it with the wrong person !!

I did meet with Mr P. We had a looooooong chat and he really has felt down and needs space. Looking at it from his point of view he has his kids, then the night they leave I've been arriving and staying till the day they come back. I've been living in his house as much as his kids.
He hasnt seen his mates since last year, he is wfh and it's all got a bit much.
And it has, he is right.
I explained I wasn't sad about him wanting space, more that twice he's said he wasn't sure about us.
I told him explicitly I don't want a once a week Fwb set up and he said he doesn't either.
We talked about how due to lockdown we've fallen into an old married couple routine and I've started doing wife duties.
He agreed. It was a good talk.
He was lovely and open.
He wanted me to stay, I said no.i wanted him to know I really mean it.
I think we're ok for now.
I'll certainly be watching to see what happens post lockdown.
We're one year together on Tuesday, it's been a year of lockdown.
I would like to be a proper part of his life post lockdown and if that doesn't happen I will draw a line.
I do feel slightly more in control

@Dancerinthemoonlight oh no, thats shitty. Are you thinking of leaving?

@SleepyBunk that sounds like a decent set up if you are all bubbling together.

Nothing much here, only schooling looks like it will be till Easter. My ex fwb has put it on a plate that he loves me and if my situation changes, he wants me round for hot fun! I explained awkwardly that I really want to see how things go with Mr Yoga and my heart isn't into meeting anyone else.

@Clovertoast thats really good that you had the talk. One year together is a lot to give up on.

@Eesha my current job is a 3 month contract and they probabaly aren't going to have the level of work to need my position past the 3 months so I need to get something in place for when it ends.

Hopefully something more suitable will come up for me in a long term capacity

I'm sorry @Dancerinthemoonlight that does sound annoying.
On the other hand you sound amazingly strong these days, your boundaries and your sense of worth are clearly very much established!
I'm envious.
I hope something good happens for you soon.

Sorry dancer that sounds shit. And those are the times when a big loving hug and being told you're amazing would help.

What a difference a good talk can make clover. Hopefully you'll be able to work out a way to be together that will give you both as much or as little as you can cope with.

Lots of love and good connections on the thread tonight 😊

Just had a lovely pep talk from @cravingthelook
All I can do is take the experience of having to be polite in a crappy interview and remember that it's a 2 way interview. They are interviewing me but at the same time I'm interviewing them to see if the company is a good fit for me.

Trying to keep positive that I had 3 interviews after getting no where and I got a temporary contract. The right position is out there for me. And to remember to chase up applications.

Thanks for the new thread @LongtimelurkerL

Just a quick update on Miss Forest - we've been speaking a fair bit about last weekend, and when we can meet again. I think it was mostly first time nerves, and she even said she felt bad for things being so one-sided. I'm looking forward to seeing her again when she's free in just over a week, and I think she feels the same.

I'm trying not to think too much about whether she's my perfect match - just going to take it one date at a time and see what happens.

Dating is very much like job hunting - I had an interview today cancelled just 15 minutes before it was due, which was rather deflating. It's now rescheduled for tomorrow. Not much other interest though, so I'm trying hard not to get over-invested in this one - especially as it's one I really like the sound of.