DP won't see me due to DD

[Potplant32]

I'm not sure whether this is the correct thread so apologies if it's not. I was looking for some impartial advice as my friends / family agree with me so good to get an outsiders perspective.

I've been homeschooling my DD7 since Christmas whilst working full time from home. I'm technically a key worker but am able to sort of do my job ok from home. DD7 is massively struggling with her schoolwork to the point where she has no idea what is going on in her live lessons. Her classmates don't seem to be having the same problem. I'm also really falling behind in my own work as I'm constantly trying to help DD (my line manager pulled me up on this last week).

DD's school have rung me and said they're concerned that DD is going to fall too far behind (she's starting middle school in September). They have said that technically because I'm a key worker there is a place for her at school to attend part or full time (there are hardly any kids in).

I have been with my DP for 3 years although we do not live together. He came round last night and I filled him in on the above. He got really cross and said that if I let DD go to school then he will no longer be seeing me. He does have a child who is currently vulnerable (who lives with their mother who continues to see all her friends and family despite this). His child currently has Covid but luckily is ok.

So I'm now in a situation where either my DD falls massively behind at school and I struggle to work but DP will continue to see me, or I keep her off and we keep on as we are and he will continue to come over. I really don't know what's for the best (sorry this was quite long).

Surely your DD’s education and future comes before this twat!

Don't make excuses for him. Do what's right for your child. Not seeing him might just be a blessing!

Oh well done @Potplant32

You are 100% right.

Sadly, if he gives you grief for putting your DD first, then this is a very bad sign.

Am delighted for your little girl.

It seems to be all about your DP's needs here.

Your Dd needs to be in school.

You cannot even begin to think of undermining her progress and education.

He has no right to be angry or to put pressure on you. He is being an unreasonable, controlling twat.

Beware of a man who shows no care or concern for your Dd.
Beware of a man who thinks you should be available to him at his bidding.
Beware of a man who makes you doubt yourself.

Just read your update!
Excellent, OP!

It's a worry that you can't talk openly to your DP without him being confrontational and wanting his way or the highway. This may be a bit of a moment for you, OP, an eye-opener.

100% your daughter needs to come first. You didn't bring him into the the world so he's not your responsibility.

I don't know what your dilemma is, your child comes first.

You need to reassess your relationship. He is happy for your DD to fall behind at school, and you to fall behind at work, as long as nothing impacts him.

Not a partner.

Well done OP. I'd be rethinking the relationship as well if he shows so little care or concern for you or your daughter.

What exactly is his concern about her going to school? It can't be concern for his own daughter if she already has it so what exactly is his problem?

Ask him why he thinks he should come before your child's education?

It’s worrying he’s made you doubt yourself so much. Why is that?

I would end this relationship you have had with this man these past 3 years via a phone call. He deserves no more than this. Men like this who make women feel unreasonable are not worth the time of day frankly. He neither cares for you or for your child deep down.

What AnneLovesGilbert wrote here too.

@XiCi I think his concern is that he could pass it on to his DD (who currently has Covid so isn't seeing her at the mo), or his 70 year old relative (who has only had their first jab).

Is your DP going to pay your rent/mortgage and bills if you find yourself without a job as a result of under performance? He is being massively unreasonable. You need to put DD and work before DP.

@Potplant32

My friends and family agree that I should be sending DD in but DP was so cross and made me feel like I was being so unreasonable that I really wanted to get some impartial advice.

Then he's being an emotional manipulative dickhead. Tell him that.

You are doing the right thing. Your DD's education and welfare comes first. Your DP can do one.

Any man who tried to put himself over the needs of my kid would be out of the door in a flash. He's done you a favour OP. You have made the right decision

So your DP doesn't care about your DD's education and whether or not she falls behind. He also doesn't care about your job or how you're coping in the current situation. He only cares about himself. Tell him to fuck off. Permanently.

Why are you still making excuses for him and questioning yourself?

I take it you know that he won't be able to pass covid on to his child as she already has it...he's more of a risk to you and your child than you are to him. In more ways than one.

Thank God you've made the right decision.
As an aside, I'm not generally in the LTB camp, but you do realise that this relationship is completely fucked and you need to end it don't you?
It worries me that you needed to post this question.

I agree that OP's daughter should go back to school but not sure why everyone is slating her DP so much?

She has the right to put her own child first and so does he. He is thinking of the risk to his clinically vulnerable child and also the older relative he helps out, who must be extremely clinically vulnerable to have had their jab already at 70.

I don't think anyone has done anything wrong here at all.