DP won't see me due to DD

[Potplant32]

I'm not sure whether this is the correct thread so apologies if it's not. I was looking for some impartial advice as my friends / family agree with me so good to get an outsiders perspective.

I've been homeschooling my DD7 since Christmas whilst working full time from home. I'm technically a key worker but am able to sort of do my job ok from home. DD7 is massively struggling with her schoolwork to the point where she has no idea what is going on in her live lessons. Her classmates don't seem to be having the same problem. I'm also really falling behind in my own work as I'm constantly trying to help DD (my line manager pulled me up on this last week).

DD's school have rung me and said they're concerned that DD is going to fall too far behind (she's starting middle school in September). They have said that technically because I'm a key worker there is a place for her at school to attend part or full time (there are hardly any kids in).

I have been with my DP for 3 years although we do not live together. He came round last night and I filled him in on the above. He got really cross and said that if I let DD go to school then he will no longer be seeing me. He does have a child who is currently vulnerable (who lives with their mother who continues to see all her friends and family despite this). His child currently has Covid but luckily is ok.

So I'm now in a situation where either my DD falls massively behind at school and I struggle to work but DP will continue to see me, or I keep her off and we keep on as we are and he will continue to come over. I really don't know what's for the best (sorry this was quite long).

[AnneLovesGilbert]

She needs to go in. For you and for herself. School are concerned, your boss is concerned and this will alleviate both issues.

He’s staggeringly selfish. I’d be rethinking the whole thing given how little he cares for what’s best for his partner of 3 years and her child.

Can you form a support with a friend or relative who actually cares about both of you so you have some adult company?

[Techway]

Your work and daughter a priority, 100%. Your liveihood is essential and your daughters education is important (although they will catch up at age 7).

So what if you don't see each other for a while, does he suggest he will end the relationship if you don't obey him? If so then you are not in a good relationship and better to find out now.

[user1493413286]

Send your child to school and see your DP for socially distanced walks if he’s worried; I don’t really understand why he’s saying this when his child already has covid but it’s his choice. If he really expects you to put him before your childs education then he’s not the one for you.
I appreciate it’s far from ideal to only see him for walks for a few weeks but it can be done

[cheninblanc]

Your dd should go to school. He's out of order tbh

[thenightsky]

I don't see what his problem is. What has her going to school got to do with him and his daughter? How does it affect whether he sees you or not? Weird.

[Lollypop701]

Your child’s education and your own job comes before a man who is being a knobhead ... tell him to stop seeing his own dc if he’s so worried about rule breaking

[Longdistance]

Send her into school.
Send him packing.
I’m surprised you’d lose your job and let your dd struggle for this bloke you don’t even live with.

[nopenottodaysatan]

DD comes first.....obviously

[ChablisandCrisps]

Bollocks would i put a man before my child's future and my job. He either accepts he has been a dick or he goes, its as simple as that.

[30scrisis]

Absolutely send her in! It'll be better for you and her. He's being completely unreasonable and by the sounds of it expecting you to choose. My one DS is eligible for a place and I've sent him. The effect on the family was too difficult otherwise. Had covid related issues with my recent EX. Yours sounds as hypocritical as mine was.

[NelAntarctic]

Oh bless her. Get her into school. Her drop in confidence must be distressing for her.

Dear me - if he's annoyed with you for doing the right thing by your daughter, then it's an enormous red flag.

Put her first. He won't.

[SparklingLime]

The fact that he is able to make you feel that you’re being unreasonable by taking a sensible step for your DD’s education is worrying.

[FantasticButtocks]

You do what is best for your child.

Your 'partner' is cross with you for making a decision about your own child's well-being?

Don't even think about changing your mind about your own child just because he can't deal with it. Just tell him: That is what I've decided, and if you'd rather not see me because of this, that is entirely your choice.

How wonderful that you don't live with him.

[TheVanguardSix]

He got really cross and said that if I let DD go to school then he will no longer be seeing me. He does have a child who is currently vulnerable (who lives with their mother who continues to see all her friends and family despite this). His child currently has Covid but luckily is ok.

So his child has Covid because...
Tell him to take his anger and frustration to the right doorstep, his ex's, not yours.
He's putting his child first, easily.
So why are you even here on MN wondering what to do, OP?
Put your girl first. You know this. Do it.

[Potplant32]

My DD's Dad fully agrees with sending her in to school and his live in partner is clinically vulnerable. They have said they will continue to see DD despite this.

[ZenNudist]

Send dd to school

[AnotherDayAnotherHope]

If your partner can make you doubt putting your daughter's needs first is the best thing then I'm going to say he's not a good man and you should get rid.

[Sway19]

Worrying you even had to ask

[NelAntarctic]

You and your DD's Daf are on the same page.

Please go with that.

Your DD will absolutely benefit from teacher 1:1 to help her bring up her confidence.

Please tell us that you're sending her in this week?

[Potplant32]

My DP also regularly helps out a 70 year old relative which I guess could be another reason he's cross (they have had their first jab, not second).

[RubyandPearl]

Please send your DD into school. While you're at it, send DP in as well because he behaving like a total child. In fact that's not even fair to children because most children I know would have more compassion and understanding than him

[NelAntarctic]

*Dad

[NelAntarctic]

@Potplant32 you're making excuses for him.

Put your DD first. Don't analyse the situation further to try and appease him.

[SCALPHELP]

Obviously you should choose your daughter over your man

[Potplant32]

I have rung my DD's teacher this morning and told her that my DD will be back at school from tomorrow. I have not told DP this yet which is why I wanted to get people's opinions first as he made me feel like I was being incredibly unreasonable.