DP won't see me due to DD

[Potplant32]

I'm not sure whether this is the correct thread so apologies if it's not. I was looking for some impartial advice as my friends / family agree with me so good to get an outsiders perspective.

I've been homeschooling my DD7 since Christmas whilst working full time from home. I'm technically a key worker but am able to sort of do my job ok from home. DD7 is massively struggling with her schoolwork to the point where she has no idea what is going on in her live lessons. Her classmates don't seem to be having the same problem. I'm also really falling behind in my own work as I'm constantly trying to help DD (my line manager pulled me up on this last week).

DD's school have rung me and said they're concerned that DD is going to fall too far behind (she's starting middle school in September). They have said that technically because I'm a key worker there is a place for her at school to attend part or full time (there are hardly any kids in).

I have been with my DP for 3 years although we do not live together. He came round last night and I filled him in on the above. He got really cross and said that if I let DD go to school then he will no longer be seeing me. He does have a child who is currently vulnerable (who lives with their mother who continues to see all her friends and family despite this). His child currently has Covid but luckily is ok.

So I'm now in a situation where either my DD falls massively behind at school and I struggle to work but DP will continue to see me, or I keep her off and we keep on as we are and he will continue to come over. I really don't know what's for the best (sorry this was quite long).

[MrsHusky]

@WINKINGatyourage

I actually feel really nervous at having to reply to him as I know the reaction I'm going to get.

If that doesn’t tell you what you need to do then you shouldn’t be in a relationship with anyone.

100% this.

IF his response is to get angry with you for putting your DD's needs before his, then tell him to fuck the fuck off, stat.

[2BDIs]

This shouldn't even be a question. Your child should come before any man, always, and especially at such a young and vulnerable age

[SilverRoe]

Don’t be nervous, find your indignation that he wants you to risk your job and your daughter’s education for his own selfish shit. That’s a dumpable offence in my book - he should be the one feeling nervous.

[foxredlab]

All of us reading this can't believe you even need to ask but I suspect he has been chipping away at your confidence for a while now.

Being nervous to tell him is not a good sign OP. Well done for making the right decision which you knew was right before asking. Trust your gut more and believe in yourself. I hope you start seeing things more clearly soon.

[HibernatingTill2030]

DD must come first. DP can bubble with someone else if he wants to stop seeing you for the duration.

[Anydreamwilldo12]

OP, this is not a good relationship, you sound scared of your partner (he is not 'dear)He is not the boss of you.
Well done for doing the right thing by your daughter. You and her are all that really matters.

[Kari132]

@Potplant32

I've just had a text from DP asking if I've made a decision about DD going back to school. I actually feel really nervous at having to reply to him as I know the reaction I'm going to get.

If his sone comes first ask yourself why your daughter is expected to come second. You know what you need to do. It might not be what you WANT to do but you need to do it. Send her to school.

[funksoulmother]

Glad to see you have prioritised your child here.

Not sure how he is going around seeing both you and a 70 year old relative - as we are in lockdown? Sounds like multiple bubbles have been created. If he is worried about transmission he should perhaps review his bubble situation and the number of people he is in close contact with.

If it means that you cannot see each other, then sounds like you would be better off without him around anyway.

[Graffitiqueen]

Glad you put your DD first. That was the right decision.

[Greenknees]

You shouldn’t be scared of your partners reaction to anything you’ve done- never mind something you have done for the good of your child.

You need to address this with him.

[HibernatingTill2030]

I've just had a text from DP asking if I've made a decision about DD going back to school. I actually feel really nervous at having to reply to him as I know the reaction I'm going to get

Just reply "Yes, she's going". Do not get into a debate with him about it. It's your decision, nothing to do with him. His decision is if he wants to continue seeing you due to the change in your circumstances.

[Whatwouldscullydo]

You shouldn't be worrying about his reaction.

Are you safe op ?

[ammyspice]

Just turn your phone off. If he wants to kickoff about you doing what’s best for your child then leave him to it

[Onthedunes]

Oh dear, why are you posting this...
No mother would even entertain putting their partner before their child.

This worries me as one day you may all live together, you are inviting a bully into your family.
For your own sake and your childs, get rid of him.
How dare he dictate to you what is in your childs best interests!

[SparklingLime]

You’re scared of him. He’s obviously given you reason to be. Might this latest behaviour by him be a blessing in disguise as it shows you how unhealthy being with him is, for you and your DD?

[Redruby2020]

If you hadn't of mentioned the other stuff about his DC, I would of thought okay he is then concerned that your DD will attend school and pick up Covid, but it still wouldn't of explained his manipulation and blackmail by saying what he did.

Your DD comes first of course, and you are also part of that, as you are on your own and working and it is all building up and getting on top of you both.
By the way I really applaud any parent trying to work from home right now, especially if living alone.
I struggle at the best of times and only been living alone officially for 3 months as was staying with family previously.
And had a gap now since exP was having child contact, because of historical stuff and that a proper contact plan needs to be organised.

Which brings me to ask, does your DD have contact with her father? If so what help are they providing?

[gorillasinthemist]

You have 100% made the right decision. Your DD needs her education and you need to keep your job.

Your DP sounds like a selfish, angry twat (sorry). It's not right that you are frightened of his reaction to your very sensible parenting decision.

Does he not see his own DC much? Surely he should be isolating currently if his DC has Covid not helping his elderly relative.

[LazyName]

That’s really weird he’s so angry about it?!! Usually I can see things from all perspectives but this one has me stumped. His own child has covid already so that’s not a valid reason for him to be cross at you for sending your child to school?!
You do what’s best for you and DD which is send her to school and be able to keep your job! He doesn’t sound like a very supportive partner

[davidsSchitt]

Jesus. Don't reply. Both kids have had covid, nobody is vulnerable. He sounds a bit thick tbh and a bully to boot.

If you choose to continue with him in your daughters life you're doing her a disservice as her parent.

Raise your standards

[yawnsvillex]

Jesus wept if someone other than DC Dad told me what was right for my child they'd get a fuck off

He's a BELL END

[AryaStarkWolf]

If he has a vulnerable child then he's probably right not to see you however you need to do what's right for your child and send her to school, can you not just agree to do that until the Lock down is over? You can always speak on face time or whatever, it doesn't need to be a massive issue surely, you both just need to put your children first

[KatherineJaneway]

To be honest that would be a huge turn off for me. Of course your DD needs to go to school under the circumstances.

[wasthataburp]

Wtf. Any chance your kid has to go to school - take it! Education comes first

[SparklingLime]

Have you RTFT, @AryaStarkWolf? His behaviour certainly is a “massive issue”.

[LIZS]

What reaction? Does he have form for being controlling and ott? Your dd , your choice. If it means putting her needs over his then sounds like it is over.