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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

DP won't see me due to DD

545 replies

Potplant32 · 26/01/2021 09:12

I'm not sure whether this is the correct thread so apologies if it's not. I was looking for some impartial advice as my friends / family agree with me so good to get an outsiders perspective.

I've been homeschooling my DD7 since Christmas whilst working full time from home. I'm technically a key worker but am able to sort of do my job ok from home. DD7 is massively struggling with her schoolwork to the point where she has no idea what is going on in her live lessons. Her classmates don't seem to be having the same problem. I'm also really falling behind in my own work as I'm constantly trying to help DD (my line manager pulled me up on this last week).

DD's school have rung me and said they're concerned that DD is going to fall too far behind (she's starting middle school in September). They have said that technically because I'm a key worker there is a place for her at school to attend part or full time (there are hardly any kids in).

I have been with my DP for 3 years although we do not live together. He came round last night and I filled him in on the above. He got really cross and said that if I let DD go to school then he will no longer be seeing me. He does have a child who is currently vulnerable (who lives with their mother who continues to see all her friends and family despite this). His child currently has Covid but luckily is ok.

So I'm now in a situation where either my DD falls massively behind at school and I struggle to work but DP will continue to see me, or I keep her off and we keep on as we are and he will continue to come over. I really don't know what's for the best (sorry this was quite long).

OP posts:

Report

MrsBrunch · 27/01/2021 07:12

He actually told you he couldn't control what his ex wife does?

So this means he thinks he can control what you do. He is angry that you are not doing what he wants and so he is punishing you.

Tell him you're fine with not seeing him and you've decided to make it permanent.

This man is bad news. He has shown his true colours, you would be a fool to ignore that.

It the right decision for your daughter.

Potplant32 · 27/01/2021 07:43

I can't quite believe how many of you took the time out to respond to me! It's much appreciated.

I have one excited little girl this morning

OP posts:

Mummyoflittledragon · 27/01/2021 07:45

Bless her.

Have you decided how to respond to your partner?

Eddielzzard · 27/01/2021 07:47

Why is he making you choose between him and your DD's education? Who does that?

thinkingaboutLangCleg · 27/01/2021 07:47

I’m with all those saying DD comes first. Send her to school. Your partner is BVU - he should support you and DD in this.

Yewrobin · 27/01/2021 07:49

OP I hope she has a fabulous day - my son was very emotional after his first day just something to be ready for - there are 3 in his class and it’s distanced - so he was a bit shaken by it at first - happy as Larry now though and actually learning something!

itsgettingweird · 27/01/2021 08:02

Send in DD.

Your child always comes above a partner. Especially one that isn't their father.

And tell your partner to do one - permanently.

SunshineCake · 27/01/2021 08:07

So glad you are putting your child first but sad you needed to ask. You let this dickhead influence you to much. It would be the restart of my child's education and the complete end of the relationship with this man.

NelAntarctic · 27/01/2021 08:14

@Potplant32 I'm so pleased for her.

How are you feeling about this relationship? Do nearly 500 respondents give you pause for thought?

I hope you're ok.

NotSorry · 27/01/2021 08:38

That’s good news @Potplant32 I hope she has a lovely time

Heronsnest · 27/01/2021 08:45

Great news Potplant. I hope your DD settles back into school quickly. Maybe now is the time to think of a future without 'D'P in it. He's clearly not supportive of you or your DD.

Whatwouldscullydo · 27/01/2021 08:46

Hope she has a fab day .

Lovemusic33 · 27/01/2021 08:51

Sorry I haven’t read the whole thread but your dd needs to come first, if she’s struggling to learn at home and you are a key worker then she can go to school. Your dp can do what he likes and if he decides not to see you then that’s his choice, if your relationship is good he will still be around after lockdown.

Lucked · 27/01/2021 08:57

Happy for your DD. If you have a two week break you can form a support bubble with someone else so keep that in mind. Maybe you could bubble up with someone actually supportive.

TheGoldenCircle · 27/01/2021 09:10

If you don't put your DC first, you will pay for it later. You will reap what you sow. That's what I believe. As a parent you need to set your DC up for independence and develop a loving relationship with them so they want to be around you when they are older.

I used to have to deal with troubled young people in their 20's in a charity I worked for. Everyone of them had poor family relationships and received poor parenting. It doesn't take money to do this, it takes time, care and putting them first.

As a parent the worst thing that could happen to me is to see my adult children unhappy and unable to cope. You will reap what you sow.

Jeremyironseverything · 27/01/2021 09:15

He's perfectly entitled to not mix with a school child. I don't blame him, having caught covid at school myself. However he should be ok about not seeing you if that's what you decide it's best. He shouldn't be giving you grief over it. Neither of you are wrong.

dementedpixie · 27/01/2021 09:18

He is wrong if he's trying to blackmail the OP into not sending her child to school when his own child has covid already

TheGoldenCircle · 27/01/2021 09:37

I'm sick of relatives calling me up saying they are keeping themselves safe and don't want to see us. My family aren't going anywhere and there is no need to get in there first to keep us away.

You don't want covid from us. Well, we don't want it from you either. I've never heard one person say "we don't want to pass anything onto you" it's always about them.

A few of my elderlies have told me that they are going out once the 3 weeks has passed from their jab. They can go out, but they aren't coming here.

saraclara · 27/01/2021 09:42

I hope she has a lovely day, OP! And I hope her excitement confirms to you that you're doing the right thing.

Seasaltyhair · 27/01/2021 09:43

@Jeremyironseverything

He's perfectly entitled to not mix with a school child. I don't blame him, having caught covid at school myself. However he should be ok about not seeing you if that's what you decide it's best. He shouldn't be giving you grief over it. Neither of you are wrong.

He is perfectly entitled to do what he wants it’s the twatty way about it he has gone.

He put himself in contest with her dd, that’s never going to go down well and he is a hypocrite- still seeing his own dd who has covid and other elderly relatives whilst skipping over to OP house.

Good riddance I say!

saraclara · 27/01/2021 09:45

A few of my elderlies have told me that they are going out once the 3 weeks has passed from their jab. They can go out, but they aren't coming here.

Good for them. My neighbours haven't left their house since March. I really really want them to get out into the world, even if it's just to Tesco.

Also "my elderlies" made me want to vomit.

Nanny0gg · 28/01/2021 00:38

@Potplant32

I can't quite believe how many of you took the time out to respond to me! It's much appreciated.

I have one excited little girl this morning

Good.

What about your partner?

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FantasticButtocks · 28/01/2021 10:30

Hope your dd had a good day back at school!

Did you ever respond to his 'I won't be seeing you for a while' text?

I was just thinking that if he is or has been seeing his covid suffering daughter, then he shouldn't be seeing you anyway. Because he'll be putting you at risk. Nor should he be seeing elderly relative.

And if he's knowingly seen his daughter while she has covid, then he's been really irresponsible and it his behaviour that should have been called to question. Not yours.

I do hope you sent him a suitable, minimal response.

Potplant32 · 28/01/2021 11:23

@FantasticButtocks DD had a great day, thank you

DP hasn't been seeing his DC whilst they were positive.

Yes I did respond to his text eventually. Debated whether to question his logic as it makes no sense, but in the end decided to keep it simple and along the lines of 'no problem at all!'

OP posts:

Whatwouldscullydo · 28/01/2021 11:27

Good for you pot

So happy to hear your dd had a great day.

Things should should alot easier for you now. Enjoy

Flip

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