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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

DP won't see me due to DD

545 replies

Potplant32 · 26/01/2021 09:12

I'm not sure whether this is the correct thread so apologies if it's not. I was looking for some impartial advice as my friends / family agree with me so good to get an outsiders perspective.

I've been homeschooling my DD7 since Christmas whilst working full time from home. I'm technically a key worker but am able to sort of do my job ok from home. DD7 is massively struggling with her schoolwork to the point where she has no idea what is going on in her live lessons. Her classmates don't seem to be having the same problem. I'm also really falling behind in my own work as I'm constantly trying to help DD (my line manager pulled me up on this last week).

DD's school have rung me and said they're concerned that DD is going to fall too far behind (she's starting middle school in September). They have said that technically because I'm a key worker there is a place for her at school to attend part or full time (there are hardly any kids in).

I have been with my DP for 3 years although we do not live together. He came round last night and I filled him in on the above. He got really cross and said that if I let DD go to school then he will no longer be seeing me. He does have a child who is currently vulnerable (who lives with their mother who continues to see all her friends and family despite this). His child currently has Covid but luckily is ok.

So I'm now in a situation where either my DD falls massively behind at school and I struggle to work but DP will continue to see me, or I keep her off and we keep on as we are and he will continue to come over. I really don't know what's for the best (sorry this was quite long).

OP posts:

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HettieMills · 26/01/2021 10:26

Well it's fine if he wants to manage risk and not see you for a while. Getting cross and not being supportive about the fact your dd needs to go to school is pretty poor behaviour though.

PinkRosesPurpleHearts · 26/01/2021 10:27

Good on you OP. It is not fair to be manipulated the way your DP was doing.

Takingontheflab · 26/01/2021 10:29

Can't believe this is even a question.

Your DD over DP. Every. Single. Time.

Dp sounds a prick anyway

Dragongirl10 · 26/01/2021 10:29

Send your DD to school, ...then dump DP for being a selfish idiot.

BlowDryRat · 26/01/2021 10:30

You've absolutely made the right decision. Your 'D'P needs to have a strong word with himself.

tatutata · 26/01/2021 10:31

Your DP is a total moron, sorry. He's the one who is selfish.

HerMammy · 26/01/2021 10:32

Her own mother didn’t protect her from Covid then why the hell should you hold your DD back?
Fuck him right in the bin!

WhereverIGoddamnLike · 26/01/2021 10:32

I cant believe you're even thinking about this. Your child's education or your sex life.... hmm.

Kari132 · 26/01/2021 10:34

Hmmmmm, choosing between bf and daughter? That should be an easy one & the fact he's trying to make you choose between her or him should make it even easier.

WalkingOnStarshine · 26/01/2021 10:35

Glad to see you've organised to get her back to school. Right now she's falling behind and struggling and you're failing at your job - you can't keep that going just to please your DP. He's going to have to suck it up.

If you're still feeling uncertain then give it a week of DD being at school and you concentrating on your job, see the difference in you both, and then you'll know you made the right decision (and hopefully your DP will see that too).

Seasaltyhair · 26/01/2021 10:36

@picklemewalnuts

You need to reassess your relationship. He is happy for your DD to fall behind at school, and you to fall behind at work, as long as nothing impacts him.

Not a partner.

Yep this.

Glad your getting her back in school.

I wonder however if he is still seeing his elderly parents despite his Dd having covid?

ZippedyDooDa · 26/01/2021 10:36

I'd tell your knob of a 'D'P to naff off, permanently - he sounds like a selfish twat.
How is this even a decision to struggle with? The answer is clear - put your DD first of course.

Higgeldypiggeldy35 · 26/01/2021 10:36

Your DDd education and well being comes first without question. Your DPs vulnerable child should come first for him too. If that means you can't see each other for a bit then so be it. You're both adults. If your relationship can't withstand this then there are bigger issues at play.

ZippedyDooDa · 26/01/2021 10:37

Glad to see you're sending DD to school.

Potplant32 · 26/01/2021 10:41

I've just had a text from DP asking if I've made a decision about DD going back to school. I actually feel really nervous at having to reply to him as I know the reaction I'm going to get.

OP posts:

shitinmyhandsandclap · 26/01/2021 10:42

Send her to school and fuck him off

CuriousaboutSamphire · 26/01/2021 10:42

So... what he is saying is thathe can put his child first and foremost but you cannot?

Add to that their existing covid situation he is not thinking straight at all!

Tell him to sod off, you will be doing the same as he is, putting the needs of your daughter first. He needs to deal with that as a reality!

WINKINGatyourage · 26/01/2021 10:43

I actually feel really nervous at having to reply to him as I know the reaction I'm going to get.

If that doesn’t tell you what you need to do then you shouldn’t be in a relationship with anyone.

dementedpixie · 26/01/2021 10:43

Just be upbeat and say you have decided and she is going to school and that's best for everyone

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 26/01/2021 10:43

You don't have a choice. Your daughter comes first. Why would you put some blokes needs above your daughters education.

BlowDryRat · 26/01/2021 10:44

@WINKINGatyourage

I actually feel really nervous at having to reply to him as I know the reaction I'm going to get.

If that doesn’t tell you what you need to do then you shouldn’t be in a relationship with anyone.

This with MN bells on.

Oldbutstillgotit · 26/01/2021 10:46

Does he bully you in other situations?

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MyCatHatesEverybody · 26/01/2021 10:46

It doesn't matter what his reaction is, I don't get why you're not fuming with him for his attitude!

AlmightyBob · 26/01/2021 10:46

@Potplant32

I've just had a text from DP asking if I've made a decision about DD going back to school. I actually feel really nervous at having to reply to him as I know the reaction I'm going to get.

Fuck that guy! Seriously! Your nerves here tell you all you need to know. You're not living together, you have nothing invested in this relationship. Anyone who pulls an ultimatum like he did at a time like this is not worth a second more of your time. What a fucking man child.

Plonque · 26/01/2021 10:47

God. I really hope you dump him.

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