DP won't see me due to DD

[Potplant32]

I'm not sure whether this is the correct thread so apologies if it's not. I was looking for some impartial advice as my friends / family agree with me so good to get an outsiders perspective.

I've been homeschooling my DD7 since Christmas whilst working full time from home. I'm technically a key worker but am able to sort of do my job ok from home. DD7 is massively struggling with her schoolwork to the point where she has no idea what is going on in her live lessons. Her classmates don't seem to be having the same problem. I'm also really falling behind in my own work as I'm constantly trying to help DD (my line manager pulled me up on this last week).

DD's school have rung me and said they're concerned that DD is going to fall too far behind (she's starting middle school in September). They have said that technically because I'm a key worker there is a place for her at school to attend part or full time (there are hardly any kids in).

I have been with my DP for 3 years although we do not live together. He came round last night and I filled him in on the above. He got really cross and said that if I let DD go to school then he will no longer be seeing me. He does have a child who is currently vulnerable (who lives with their mother who continues to see all her friends and family despite this). His child currently has Covid but luckily is ok.

So I'm now in a situation where either my DD falls massively behind at school and I struggle to work but DP will continue to see me, or I keep her off and we keep on as we are and he will continue to come over. I really don't know what's for the best (sorry this was quite long).

I agree your DD is your first priority, so well done on doing what needs to be done regardless of his threat..

I'm sure his position is less to do with Covid, and more to do with control!

Send your DD to school for goodness sake.

@Potplant32

Its a no brainer isn't it !
You obviously put your daughters education first.
She needs to attend school A.s.a.p !

Your husband is using Covid 19 outbreak as a excuse to emotionally manipulate you emotional blackmail you to put his needs first before your daughter.

Your Partner used to do this kind of thing before, with his ex with his silent treatment .

Your Partner is doing same thing with his latest text message he has sent you ,"saying he will have to leave it for a while etc.

This is his silent treatment pattern starting up again,
so he can leave the door open to worm himself back into your life whenever his feeling lonely or wanting sex from you.

Why do you want to settle for a man who cares so little for you and your daughter well being etc.!

Send your dd.

Serioulsy, I am wondering who he thinks he is to just impose his choice into you and your dd wo a thought for the consequences on you and the child.
I think you need to have a look at this relationship more carefully and esp how controlling/paternatlistic he actually is (or how selfish and an arsehole he is depending on how you want to word it)

If he can't understand the importance of DDs education, then is he the guy for you?

He could have said something like "Of course her education is important but I'm worried about (70 yr old relative) so I'm going to take a break from coming around for a while, ok? Don't worry about us, we can have zoom dates in the evening in the meantime" ... or something else supportive.

instead he threw a man size tantrum and tried to pressure you to ignore DDs needs and put him first.

Congrats for being such a great mum despite his ugliness.

I believe him and his ex split up due to him giving her the silent treatment on a regular basis.

That tells you all you need to know @Potplant32.
As they say 'Leopards dont change thier spots'.....

DO NOT REPLY! Do not get sucked in to his dreary mind games. Let that be the final text and block and move on. Repeat to yourself. Block and move on. The man is a bell-end. The best gift you can give yourself is silence.

@Askingforfriend

If he can't understand the importance of DDs education, then is he the guy for you?

He could have said something like "Of course her education is important but I'm worried about (70 yr old relative) so I'm going to take a break from coming around for a while, ok? Don't worry about us, we can have zoom dates in the evening in the meantime" ... or something else supportive.

instead he threw a man size tantrum and tried to pressure you to ignore DDs needs and put him first.

Congrats for being such a great mum despite his ugliness.

This. Exactly this.

There are ways to deal with genuine concerns, but his way is to demand, sulk and being emotionally abusive.

He’s showing you who he is. Listen to him and make the not seeing each other a permanent thing. You, and your DD, deserve better.

@Potplant32

I don't think this is the first time he has emotionally manipulate you is it.

Your Partner is not a good man.

The silent treatment is a emotionally manipulative to deprive/deny you of emotional support/warm that you naturally expect from a partner/relantship

The silent treatment is a emotionally manipulative way to make you feel isolated on your own ,lonely feeling in a extreme way.

This is called coercive control

And its against the Law Now for someone to put their partner through this.!

Its part of a Domestic Abuse pattern.

Get rid of him op.
Bin him like the trash he really.

His Mr Nice guy Act ,is just a facade !

He is a wolf in sheep clothing.

You've asked friends and family - now you're asking here. What has this man done to your head that you need to ask anyone at all?

Your DD must come first. Your DP is being an arse and can fuck off.

I'd send DD to school and cool it with DP. Your child must come first and perhaps he's just showing his true colours. Tell him fine, you can't see him - clearly you can't let DD suffer and be without a job, that's lunacy!

You have made exactly the right decision for your DD. Sounds like a break from this man is long overdue.

My answer to his Oh well text would . Oh do fuck off. Then block him, selgish arse. He doesn't care that you could lose your job and your child fall behind. Very manly of him

Your child is your priority.
Your work feeds you and your child.
That's how I see it. I also understand his child is his priority so in that case, it's pretty clear, no matter how painful it can be for your feelings to him.

Correct decision OP.

Ignore the passive aggressive text, he wants to keep you under the thumb!

Protect your child's education and your job by sending her to school . Its neither here nor there what your partner's child's mother does with regards to socializing.
Its up to your DP to make his own decisions about coming round but that should not have any bearing on your child's schooling.

Honestly I would consider breaking up with him

He can’t control what his ex does so he’s not bothered by her

But the minute he can’t control what you do, look how he’s behaving?

[quote Potplant32]@DioneTheDiabolist I believe him and his ex split up due to him giving her the silent treatment on a regular basis. [/quote]
And he told you that?

[quote Potplant32]@DioneTheDiabolist I believe him and his ex split up due to him giving her the silent treatment on a regular basis. [/quote]
I think he may be about to start doing the same to you.

The reply about agreeing to time apart is a good one, and then just ignore him. He is a twat and is trying to control you. Don’t stand for it.

I’d be questioning the future of the relationship if it were me.

@Sethy38 His brother did!

[quote Potplant32]@Sethy38 His brother did! [/quote]
Ok

And your response?

Tbh OP, it really doesn’t sound like you thought much of him at all. So I don’t get the dilemma

@Potplant32 the only response he'd be getting from me now would be a break up text.

What a complete and utter dick.

There are two issues here.

1. Should you send your DD to school to protect her education, even if it means you won't be able to see your DP. You've resolved this issue perfectly.

1. The fact that your DP does not support your right to make this decision and you are worried about how he is going to react. That is a huge red flag and you need to think about why you wouldn't just expect him to respect your decision to act in your child's best interests.

Is this relationship as healthy as you perhaps thought?

I'm glad that your dd is going back to school.

Extremely concerning that you had to ask this easy question and that you are too scared to call him out on his hypocrisy about not talking to the mum of his CEV dd about her behaviour. By seeing his dd, your dd, you and his elderly relative, he was already risking the health of people in his bubble.

I would see this as an easy reason to dump.