Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 ··· 16 17 18 ··· 21 22

Original poster

DP won't see me due to DD

545 replies

Potplant32 · 26/01/2021 09:12

I'm not sure whether this is the correct thread so apologies if it's not. I was looking for some impartial advice as my friends / family agree with me so good to get an outsiders perspective.

I've been homeschooling my DD7 since Christmas whilst working full time from home. I'm technically a key worker but am able to sort of do my job ok from home. DD7 is massively struggling with her schoolwork to the point where she has no idea what is going on in her live lessons. Her classmates don't seem to be having the same problem. I'm also really falling behind in my own work as I'm constantly trying to help DD (my line manager pulled me up on this last week).

DD's school have rung me and said they're concerned that DD is going to fall too far behind (she's starting middle school in September). They have said that technically because I'm a key worker there is a place for her at school to attend part or full time (there are hardly any kids in).

I have been with my DP for 3 years although we do not live together. He came round last night and I filled him in on the above. He got really cross and said that if I let DD go to school then he will no longer be seeing me. He does have a child who is currently vulnerable (who lives with their mother who continues to see all her friends and family despite this). His child currently has Covid but luckily is ok.

So I'm now in a situation where either my DD falls massively behind at school and I struggle to work but DP will continue to see me, or I keep her off and we keep on as we are and he will continue to come over. I really don't know what's for the best (sorry this was quite long).

OP posts:

JiminyLeeCricket · 26/01/2021 15:03

I can predict, I think, what comes next. He'll send a passive aggressive text, then a sarcastic text, then a really sarcastic blamey text, then a sad face text, then a reeling in text, then more sad face 'missing you' crap when he realises he's gone too far.

Whether you engage with this, OP, is up to you.

But I think you should call it a day. This is not a happy supportive relationship for you and your DD.

BornIn78 · 26/01/2021 15:08

I've actually just had a reply - 'ok well I won't be seeing you for a while then'.

I'd reply "who dis?"

Seriously though, I'd just send a thumbs up emoji as suggested by a PP.

HettieMills · 26/01/2021 15:10

He sounds awful op. My ex was like this. Really you would be happier with someone who was more supportive of you. I wouldn't bother to respond to any of his texts unless he apologizes for bring an arse, and actually means it.

Fimofriend · 26/01/2021 15:10

I am joining the chorus: You need to send her to school.

VettiyaIruken · 26/01/2021 15:12

Are you planning on staying in a relationship with him?

BlueSussex · 26/01/2021 15:13

Seriously? Who does he think he is?

Tell him not to bother and block him.

Arrogant selfish fucker.

AnneShirleysNewDress · 26/01/2021 15:16

You've done the right thing OP. You've put your DD first. I'd use the time apart to consider whether you want to be in a relationship where you are worried about his reaction to you being a good parent.

Emerald99 · 26/01/2021 15:17

He is being very unreasonable put your child first op

Boltonb · 26/01/2021 15:18

I’m horrified that you needed to ask on here. But glad your DD is going back to school.

I also think (especially with all the details about his DD having Covid, and your DD recovered from Covid) that he is being an absolute fucking idiot.

Anyone who tries to emotionally blackmail you by saying he won’t see you if you prioritise your child’s best interests, is a wanker.

I would not be in a relationship with a man like this. I’d text back

“👍🏼 Although DD’s education and we’ll being are important to me, and will always be my priority. So maybe instead of a while, we shouldn’t see each other EVER?”

thenewduchessofhastings · 26/01/2021 15:18

Your child is your priority.

His child is his priority.

If his child is still seeing their friends and family then he needs to take that issue up with the child's mother;no wonder the kid has ended up covid positive if the mother is ignoring lockdown rules.

Robbybobtail · 26/01/2021 15:19

Tell him “yes, I will of course be sending dd to school and in light of your response when I told you this I’ve decided I think you are a selfish arse and you are therefore dumped - goodbye!”

Mummyoflittledragon · 26/01/2021 15:21

I would not respond. His attempts to control you do not require a response. If you try to fight with him, he sounds like the sort of person, who will try to win at any cost.

LaCicciolina · 26/01/2021 15:22

Tell him to fuck off - I can't believe anyone could be as selfish as that. I'd show him this thread as well as showing him the door.

Arobase · 26/01/2021 15:24

[quote Potplant32]@XiCi I think his concern is that he could pass it on to his DD (who currently has Covid so isn't seeing her at the mo), or his 70 year old relative (who has only had their first jab). [/quote]
Well, clearly your daughter isn't going to pass Covid on to his in the foreseeable future, so that's a nonsense. And the chances of a vaccinated 70 year old catching it from indirect contact are pretty minimal also.

Unless your DP can come up with something better than this, it doesn't sound as if he would be any loss.

FourDecades · 26/01/2021 15:25

[quote Potplant32]@DioneTheDiabolist I believe him and his ex split up due to him giving her the silent treatment on a regular basis. [/quote]
Seems like it's your turn for the same treatment.

Are you happy to be with someone like that?

Arobase · 26/01/2021 15:26

@Potplant32

I've actually just had a reply - 'ok well I won't be seeing you for a while then'.

How about replying:

Correction, you won't be seeing me ever. Bye.

happytoday73 · 26/01/2021 15:27

I am so happy you've decided to send her in.
Please ignore any of your DP replies for a few days...
I bet by the end of the week your child is coping SO much better which will reassure you that it was the right choice.

The gap from DP might also give you time to consider if the relationship is good for you overall...
I wish you luck!

Arobase · 26/01/2021 15:29

I couldn't stick being with someone who goes in for the silent treatment, a.k.a. sulking. Time for a complete re-evaluation of the relationship, perhaps?

Colourmeclear · 26/01/2021 15:30

I suspect he's emotionally abusive and is constantly pushing your boundaries and testing your 'devotion' to him. If you're scared of his response because you think he will hurt you and you are second guessing your instincts in this way, then I think the time apart could do you good. You have a lot on your plate ATM your partner should be making it easier not harder. If he wants to stay away fine, that's his choice. He doesn't need to throw it back in your face. If he was a human being he would show compassion and empathy whilst distancing, what was to stop him from saying "that sounds like the best decision, I'm really sorry that I don't feel comfortable spending time together, I hope things change soon and I'm always a phone call away etc".

Nanny0gg · 26/01/2021 15:30

@Potplant32

I'm not sure whether this is the correct thread so apologies if it's not. I was looking for some impartial advice as my friends / family agree with me so good to get an outsiders perspective.

Of course you know what's for the best.

Your daughter goes to school.

OKannie · 26/01/2021 15:32

Just calmly tell him you understand that everyone has to make the best decisions for their situation. Just as he must certainly understand that your child’s well-being and education along with your livelihood are your priority and obligation.

I’d also not continue the relationship. You can’t make a life with a person whose values include seeing their girlfriend about the best interest of a minor child.

Squiffany · 26/01/2021 15:32

I think this the right time to end you’re relationship with him OP. He sounds controlling and toxic. Put yourself and your DD first.

Nanny0gg · 26/01/2021 15:32

@Potplant32

I've actually just had a reply - 'ok well I won't be seeing you for a while then'.

Your reply

'Actually, I won't be seeing you at all.'

And block

MyCatHatesEverybody · 26/01/2021 15:35

I haven't yet pointed this out but I know what his reply will be - he can't control who his DC's Mum has over at their house and he has no choice but to see his child, whereas I'm actually choosing to send my DD in to school.

He doesn't "have" to see his child but he chooses to because not seeing her will have a big negative impact on her. Likewise you don't "have" to send your DD to school but you're choosing to because not sending her will have a big negative impact on her.

Your partner sounds horrible.

Jonnywishbone · 26/01/2021 15:35

This is a no brainer. Your child's education comes first every time.

Flip

1 2 ··· 16 17 18 ··· 21 22

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread