Fed up of DP calling me posh

[GreyFluffyTowel]

My DH and I were both brought up in the same town, although different areas. I was in the 'nicer' part, DP in what is considered the 'rougher' part. My parents were fairly comfortable, his not so much. None of those things even factored in us getting together. We've been together 3 years, lived together for just over 1. Over the past few months it's become increasing common for my DP to say 'I wish you weren't so posh' or 'you can tell you're privileged'. He claims he's joking but I don't find it funny. Apparently I'm sensitive. An example (it sounds ridiculous) - I was eating some toast with DP sitting next to me. He kept farting. I repeatedly asked him not too whilst I finished my toast, he told me I was posh. I'm posh for not wanting to brush my teeth whilst sitting on the loo. I'll say something and he'll say 'you sounded really posh then'. He comments about 'posh' people on the TV in a negative way. It's got to the point where I have said to him if I am too 'posh' then please go and find someone else who you feel is a better match for you and he then goes on the defensive and gets a bit moody.
Is he right, am I too sensitive?

OhCaptain according to dancingbear abusing someone about their background is fine provided it’s ‘punching up’.

Punching up, punching down..... it's punching. The direction has no relevence to how harmful it is.

It's a clear red flag and should warn the OP to reconsider the relationship.

This sounds like my ex, only rather than berate me for being posh, he'd say I was rough. He'd mock me for taking my kids on a caravan holiday, saying it was 'full of scumbags', he repeatedly called my ex-local authority house 'cramped', even when I asked him not to, and he once announced, out of 'nowhere' that a certain restaurant chain was 'sh*t' - knowing I'd taken my kids there that weekend. It's all the same though - talking you down to make themselves feel better. An awful thing. Mine used to also call me insensitive. Then he started telling me I was making it up. I got rid of him a year ago and I have never felt happier.

Funnily enough, I recently posted this image on another thread - so simple, so true

I had a boyfriend who was like this. I showed him the door after one too many jokes one time. It was nasty

My first husband was from the rougher side of town, not nearly as educated as I am, and I would have been considered posh in comparison. We were thought of as an odd coupling by all our friends.

He wasn’t a twat like your partner and didn’t make a big deal about it, though sometimes commented I was ‘too good for him’ or a ‘clever clogs’ or that he was my ‘bit of rough’.

Anyway, it didn’t seem like a big deal for the first couple of years, but it brought surprisingly big problems.

There were times I felt he was very uncouth, and even embarrassing in the way he talked or his manners. That sounds so snobbish, but it was genuinely cringe at times and made me feel uncomfortable when we were around my family and friends.

There were also many times where I felt we were on totally different wavelengths in terms of intellect, and conversationally there was a big gap in interests and knowledge.
He was a great guy in many ways, practical and kind, but there were too many incompatibilities for the longer term and we parted on good terms. We’re still great friends, but we weren’t meant to be together.

Your partner sounds resentful and mean, which is not a receipt for a future of happiness.

Recipe!

It's called having a big greasy chip on his shoulder. Is he so thick that he dislikes people simply because they have a nice accent?

It's also called negging.

Hi OP sorry I haven't read the whole thread. You've got a dickhead on your hands, he won't change. He'll never admit that it isn't the difference between your backgrounds that makes you better than him, but because he's an arsehole, he enjoys upsetting and annoying you. Do you want to have children with this man?

Trivial would be a comment made in obvious jest. Op's NSDP's comments are more sustained digs and he sounds an utter prat, tbh.

I think this relationship has run its course.

And what is it when someone from a lower socio economic group uses the equally stereotypical terms for someone perceived to be from a higher socio economic group bear ?

Or is that OK cos the disadvantaged get a free pass, and chippy boyfriends can be as fuckwitted as they like?

Because you are definitely doubling down on your rather odd, unique interpretation of OPs situation... and pps responses to her OHs obsession with class.

CuriousaboutSamphire Mon 25-Jan-21 20:59:03
And what is it when someone from a lower socio economic group uses the equally stereotypical terms for someone perceived to be from a higher socio economic group bear
..........
I've never come across that! I googled it and came up with this:

"Bear is a gay slang term. It describes a hairy, heavy-set gay or bisexual man. A bear typically projects an image of rugged masculinity. Some bears present a very masculine, over-the-top image of a ruggedly masculine man."

He’s bullying you op. Whatever views anyone has, it’s no excuse to snipe at a partner like that.

Next time you get a posh jibe, say oh just fuck off and find yourself a girlfriend whose status you approve of because I’m done with you. Life is too short. Don’t tie yourself to this prick.

Although I’d like to see his face when he realises that women from all social classes might object to him farting at the table.

Farting when eating.....

Worse than anything

Farting while sitting next to you? That's a good enough reason to get rid of him.

He's right. You're too good for him so stop bothering and get rid.

This is looking for attention and a reaction and is using topics he knows to annoy you.
It's subtle bullying.
Has something changed in your household set up? Have you an adult child that has moved back in, or is someone in your family sick or is taking up a lot of your time or your attention?

@sadie9 Nothing at all has changed with our situation. He's always done this but the last few months it's been much more regular and doesn't seem like it's so much of a joke (like he always says it is).

I've just had a new reason for being 'posh' tonight. I want separate to keep our toothbrushes, he doesn't understand why I won't have one electric one that has changeable heads instead for us to share!

*I want to keep our separate toothbrushes

Sharing toothbrushes? Fuck no.

Did he tell you you are posh for refusing this? You need to rethink this relationship, OP. He'll keep at this.

He just sounds gross. Initially I thought you were both just out of school. I was surprised you had children. I’d not want my children around someone like this.

It sounds like he has really low standards Of personal hygiene. And manners. Nothing to do with class or money.

My ex was like that. Would go on about how posh and privileged I was (I'm not, my family were on benefits for the vast majority of my childhood and teens), go on about how he had a deprived childhood, could have had a well paid job if he'd been a toff etc. It then progressed to more personal insults and trying to split me from my family by saying that they should help us more, they can afford it and choose not to blah blah. He also liked to be crude to demonstrate how un posh he was. It ended very very badly, full on abusive relationship.

@GreyFluffyTowel - yuck. On all counts.
Not sure what his problem is, but I'd strongly recommend telling him to fuck off.

@Ohalrightthen

You're being overly sensitive, he's got a chip on his shoulder.

Also, take it from someone who is from a similar background as you, with a husband who has a similar background to yours, it can be tough as women who were raised with advantages to recognise that we are more privileged in many ways than men who were raised without them. It took a long time for me to own the myriad ways the accident of my birth had made my life easier than DH's, despite being a woman. It's not a comfortable feeling, but owning it is important.

Not really feeling this justifies him farting while she eats toast .

Also on the evidence OP has posted (not a lot) you do appear to be projecting - there’s no sign she isn’t owning her privilege from her posts. It is not her job to fix his problems.

OP - this is goading rather than joking and designed to undermine you. Has anything happened that would make him miserable and would make him want try and feel better by attacking you? Not that it’s an excuse, but it’s been a shocking year. Given this is recent worth picking a moment to ask what is making him unhappy and pointing out that while you’d like to help, he cannot take it out on you. Give him a clear direction and a chance to improve. Otherwise - out.