Fed up of DP calling me posh

[GreyFluffyTowel]

My DH and I were both brought up in the same town, although different areas. I was in the 'nicer' part, DP in what is considered the 'rougher' part. My parents were fairly comfortable, his not so much. None of those things even factored in us getting together. We've been together 3 years, lived together for just over 1. Over the past few months it's become increasing common for my DP to say 'I wish you weren't so posh' or 'you can tell you're privileged'. He claims he's joking but I don't find it funny. Apparently I'm sensitive. An example (it sounds ridiculous) - I was eating some toast with DP sitting next to me. He kept farting. I repeatedly asked him not too whilst I finished my toast, he told me I was posh. I'm posh for not wanting to brush my teeth whilst sitting on the loo. I'll say something and he'll say 'you sounded really posh then'. He comments about 'posh' people on the TV in a negative way. It's got to the point where I have said to him if I am too 'posh' then please go and find someone else who you feel is a better match for you and he then goes on the defensive and gets a bit moody.
Is he right, am I too sensitive?

Let's own it shall we. You said a nasty thing to the op, I replied with a joke (not my finest hour maybe). Let's be clear, I am neither prejudiced against black people nor the working class. You saying it, doesn't make it true.

^Dancingbear do you think it’s ok to bully a child because he/she is privileged?
I don’t know if you have children but do you encourage them to sneer at any privileged children they come across?^

No. Where have I said that?

Ah okay fair enough, I took your reference to the 'snooty' child to mean that you were the privileged kid in a rough school. Apologies.

My dad was a blind piano tuner who developed a "posher" accent when he went to see clients. I picked up his accent, but also happened to be a shy, quiet child. Kids are cruel and pick up on differences in an instant.

@thedancingbear you’re in the wrong here and me-railing the thread.

You’re essentially saying it’s ok to slag off/bully people as long as they’re not from a disadvantaged background.

You can argue semantics but that’s what you’re getting at. That OP shouldn’t be upset, that OP’s upset is trivial. Because she’s “posh” and therefore somehow fair game.

You’re wrong. And doubling down on it is wrong.

@thedancingbear

^Dancingbear do you think it’s ok to bully a child because he/she is privileged? I don’t know if you have children but do you encourage them to sneer at any privileged children they come across?^

No. Where have I said that?

It is the clear impression that I have taken from your posts, @thedancingbear - you made me feel as if I deserved to be bullied (to the point where I was suicidal, aged 14) because I had a different accent to the other kids in my school.

That may not have been your intention, but it is what I have got from your posts.

Also, "you're too sensitive" is what abusers say to their victims.

You’re essentially saying it’s ok to slag off/bully people as long as they’re not from a disadvantaged background.

Don't put words in my mouth. Where have I said that?

I will submit that it is not as bad as the reverse situation. Punching down is worse then punching up.

As explained, my main beefs on this thread are some of the grossly offensive terms used - pleb, peasant etc - and the 'closing down' tactic of accusing people of having chips on their shoulder when they challenge privilege.

Which bits of that do you disagree with?

OP I would seriously consider ending it with him.

My exH did this to me and it really grinds you down after awhile.

Turns out he was resentful and jealous of me. He admitted it. I came from working class but made something of myself.

You don't have to apologise, explain, or feel bad about your lot in life.

His habits are just gross and have nothing to do with class. My father drove a lorry and he didn't brush his teeth on the toilet or or fart at the table.

@pallisers

He is horrible. Not only does he think that it is ok to fart when someone is eating next to you, but he thinks that is something "non-posh" people do. No they don't. Being considerate of others, not being uncouth and rude isn't just for the "posh" or better off. How insulting is he?

You don't sound in the least compatable.

I'd be gone - long since.

Very well said, pallisers.

^It is the clear impression that I have taken from your posts, @thedancingbear - you made me feel as if I deserved to be bullied (to the point where I was suicidal, aged 14) because I had a different accent to the other kids in my school.

That may not have been your intention, but it is what I have got from your posts.^

I'm really sorry if I've made you feel like that.

But that's an inference you've drawn, not me. I had all sorts of shit at school, too. And a load of shit at university for being the single working class kid at a privileged institution. I know how it feels. I could've batted off punching up because I knew I'd probably have the last laugh in life.

Op, I hope that you getting something useful from this thread. It's gone off at a weird tangent, but you can't go on like this.

OP, no need to keep adding comments about what other shite he talks, we get it, you picked a thicko. Good luck with that.

@thedancingbear

You are totally missing the point of the OPs thread and projecting massively.
Her partner is not challenging privilege. He is negging and putting her down.

Her 'privilege 'is not the point, it is his behaviour.

You're basically saying it's okay for the OP's partner to emotionally abuse her because she grew up in a family which had more money than his did @thedancingbear

It's why middle and upper class women don't report abuse, because no one believes it happens to them.

Yes it's negging.

"Punching up" is for institutions and systems, not individuals.

@Clymene

You're basically saying it's okay for the OP's partner to emotionally abuse her because she grew up in a family which had more money than his did *@thedancingbear*

It's why middle and upper class women don't report abuse, because no one believes it happens to them.

I've not said that at all, and it is not what I believe. Please don't put words in my mouth.

Again, my main beefs on this thread are some of the grossly offensive terms used - pleb, peasant etc - and the 'closing down' tactic of accusing people of having chips on their shoulder when they challenge privilege.

I will also maintain that punching down is usually worse than punching up. I am not going to cry a river for the white middle classes. There are people all over the world who'll swap places with them in a heartbeat.

The OP's other half sounds like a dick, and they are not compatible.

Ask him if he wants chocolate with his chip. You questioning his vileness has nothing to do you with his perception of you being posh but everything to do with him being a twat.

The honeymoon is well and truly over, this is who he really is, throw him back.

None of that is relevant to the OP. She's a woman who is being emotionally abused by her partner. That's all that's relevant in a thread that's in the relationship section.

I'd tackle it head on next time. So if you tell him not to fart when you're eating and he tells you to stop being posh I'd say something like "Not farting around other people is just basic good manners and nothing to do with being posh. I am sure that your mother taught you not to fart around other people and would be ashamed of you if she could see you now."

He knows you’re too good for him so is keeping your wings clipped short, so you don’t realise it.

@BornIn78

He sounds pretty disgusting.

Start telling him you wish he wasn’t as common as muck, as rough as toast, a peasant, riff raff, a pleb.

And when he gets arsey, tell him you’re only joking, he’s far too sensitive and ask why he can dish it out but can’t take it, tell him that’s quite a ‘common’ trait.

Or... my preferred option, just fuck him off, because he sounds like a gobshite.

100% this!

You've told him you don't like it but he's carrying it on and there's more than a hint of resentment there that he needs to recognise and come to terms with.

What does he want you to do? Turn back the clock and have a shitter childhood? Start farting while you eat?

It's just ridiculous.

^100% this!

You've told him you don't like it but he's carrying it on and there's more than a hint of resentment there that he needs to recognise and come to terms with.

What does he want you to do? Turn back the clock and have a shitter childhood? Start farting while you eat?

It's just ridiculous.^

Using words like 'common as muck', 'riff raff' and 'pleb' about people from lower socio-economic classes is hate speech.

It's not challenging privilege or punching up to insult your girlfriend, fart while she's eating or give her stick for her upbringing. What utter bullshit.

I am not going to cry a river for the white middle classes. There are people all over the world who'll swap places with them in a heartbeat.

Jesus Christ that’s a disgusting thing to say on the thread of a woman who’s being abused. Reported.

Have a word with yourself.