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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

My DF called me to advise me against getting married

318 replies

Fressia123 · 21/01/2021 16:26

As per title, my DF says that money changes everything and since there's no separation of assets in the UK I simply shouldn't get married. (The wedding is in April). Not completely unexpected but still a bit but that he actually said that.

OP posts:

gottakeeponmovin · 21/01/2021 18:08

Honestly I would advise my daughter in your position not to get married also. I might love the bloke but ultimately my daughter would be my main concern

Original poster

Fressia123 · 21/01/2021 18:09

I'm in England. Also if somebody knows of a good lawyer with knowledge of international law that would be brilliant.

OP posts:

Watchingbehindmyhands · 21/01/2021 18:11

but I know him and I'll know he'll at least respect my money, so to speak

You really do need to take something of a defensive attitude. A pre-nup may be sensible, although of limited value in the UK it is better than nothing at all. I have been divorced for over 12 years and have since inherited a considerable sum and own my own house outright. The bottom line is, having been there and done that, there is no way no earth I would marry again purely for financial reasons and for ensuring that I maintain my children's security in as far as is possible.

Don't be naive. No potential spouse on the eve of their wedding is going to say 'I wouldn't touch your money, darling, dont' worry'. However, 10 years and a lifetime of frustration later it's a very different story. Prepare for the worst and things will never run away with you.

Etinox · 21/01/2021 18:13

So having moved things around for tax reasons your Dad is worried his scheming won’t pay off 💁🏻‍♀️
Get very, very good legal advice.

Etinox · 21/01/2021 18:13

^rather get your dad to pay for legal advice.

BarryWhiteIsMyBrother · 21/01/2021 18:13

@Iwillnotbemoved

but I know him and I'll know he'll at least respect my money, so to speak.

So said every woman prior to being taken for a ride. Your DF is right.

This a hundred times. Do you think anyone who got taken to the cleaners knew that would be the case?

Yossahughes · 21/01/2021 18:15

Can you have the assets put into trust? This way they stay in your family and get passed down but you can put some conditions around them - i.e. can't be sold or that the money can only be used for "family property" that passes from you to your son etc. I'm not a lawyer but I know someone who has her money in trust and when she got divorced because the house they lived in was part of the "trust" it was not up for grabs.

ConquestEmpireHungerPlague · 21/01/2021 18:16

I agree that you need to look into ways to protect your assets in the event of divorce and naive to imagine it couldn't come to that, but I have to say I have zero respect for a parent who would divest considerable assets on to his daughters as a tax dodge and then use that as his reasoning for telling them whether and whom they should or shouldn't marry. It sounds to me as though your father has solved his own financial problems at the expense of creating a fresh set for you. I would be tempted to give your father his assets right back until such time as you might be bequeathed them in his will, at which point he won't need to worry about any of it anymore.

Failing that, you need specialised legal advice.

MintyMabel · 21/01/2021 18:16

but I know him and I'll know he'll at least respect my money, so to speak.

Naive to say the least. If you’re splitting, the lovely, respectful guy probably won’t be the one you’re up against in the divorce.

Nomoreporridge · 21/01/2021 18:16

I’m not a legal expert, but it’s very clear to me that your family lawyer is completely wrong.
If have ANY residency in England, or were married there, you can get divorced here. Unless he is qualified in English family law, he isn’t giving you correct advice.
I’ve seen lots of posters saying the same thing ( me included) - we all divorced men who went for everything they could.
No one has posted to say they divorced a lovely man who didn’t take a penny. Take the warning.
I’m guessing you were hoping everyone would tell you your father was being unreasonable. He isn’t.

Wyntersdiary · 21/01/2021 18:17

Firstly it doesn't matter where you marry only where you divorce. If you divorce in the UK then yes he would be entitled to 50% of everything including assets you got before meeting him and he could also ask you to sell property or sell you his shares.

I would be treading carefully.

Nomoreporridge · 21/01/2021 18:18

@MintyMabel

but I know him and I'll know he'll at least respect my money, so to speak.

Naive to say the least. If you’re splitting, the lovely, respectful guy probably won’t be the one you’re up against in the divorce.

Reminds me of the words of wisdom I heard from a three times divorcee:

‘You never really know someone until you divorce them’

MrsBobDylan · 21/01/2021 18:19

Your Dad was foolish to transfer half his house, all of the family business and ranch to you.

No wonder he's shitting himself!!!!!

I think you and your father must have more money than sense so I am not able to advise.

Lorieandrews · 21/01/2021 18:21

@Fressia123

Why do you need to get married? What’s the importance of it to you?

AcornAutumn · 21/01/2021 18:21

@MrsBobDylan

Your Dad was foolish to transfer half his house, all of the family business and ranch to you.

No wonder he's shitting himself!!!!!

I think you and your father must have more money than sense so I am not able to advise.

My guess is he did this to avoid inheritance tax and now risks seeing half of it go to a stranger?

There is no way I'd get married with all this at stake.

CoronaIsWatching · 21/01/2021 18:24

I don't know why anyone gets married really, much more negatives than positives to it. I certainly won't ever get married.

AliceMcK · 21/01/2021 18:28

@Iwillnotbemoved

but I know him and I'll know he'll at least respect my money, so to speak.

So said every woman prior to being taken for a ride. Your DF is right.

Agree

carly2803 · 21/01/2021 18:34

you are being very naieve.

get legal advice in the uk - course he can claim half of everything!

Aquamarine1029 · 21/01/2021 18:36

If my husband were to die, there is no way in hell I would ever marry again. Not because I don't love being married, but because of the financial implications. Marriage would not benefit me in any way.

PinkNails1 · 21/01/2021 18:38

Could you not have a prenup so he is not entitled to any of your savings or assets should you divorce? It’s worth discussing your personal situation with a lawyer.

Notonthestairs · 21/01/2021 18:38

@Fressia123 Google Legal 500 (family departments) - it's not perfect but it ranks firms depending on their department/individual solicitors strengths - start ringing around and get some advice.

movingonup20 · 21/01/2021 18:42

Prenup is the partial solution - you can list assets that cannot be taken into account when calculating a divorce settlement. It doesn't allow for you to leave your husband destitute but will give you a lot more protection. Just as a warning, it's essential your husband to be gets independent legal advice before signing so he completely understands, courts can overturn them if it's thought there was coercion or they didn't realise what the prenup meant.

thecapitalsunited · 21/01/2021 18:43

@Aquamarine1029

I said this to my husband the other day. If he died our house would be paid for and I’d have a tidy sum of money. Marrying again would out my financial stability at risk so I wouldn’t do it again. Marriage is great if you are both at the start of your lives and you build up together but shite if you’ve already established a stable home and solid finances but you’re intending to marry someone who hasn’t done those things.

PinkNails1 · 21/01/2021 18:44

but I know him and I'll know he'll at least respect my money, so to speak.

How long have you been with DP? Are you sure he’s not a bit of a gold digger? If I had this much money and assets, then I wouldn’t marry unless a prenup states he wouldn’t be entitled to any of it should we divorce.

DoubleNegativePanda · 21/01/2021 18:48

My dad advised against marrying my ex-husband until the night before my wedding. Oh how I wished I'd listened to him.

I will never, ever, ever get legally married again.

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