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Relationships

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Original poster

My DF called me to advise me against getting married

318 replies

Fressia123 · 21/01/2021 16:26

As per title, my DF says that money changes everything and since there's no separation of assets in the UK I simply shouldn't get married. (The wedding is in April). Not completely unexpected but still a bit but that he actually said that.

OP posts:

oakleaffy · 21/01/2021 18:49

@Fressia123

I obviously don't think we'll get divorced, but I know him and I'll know he'll at least respect my money, so to speak.

Please believe me when I say you Don't know him in a divorce situation.

I have seen so many so called ''Devoted'' couples lose fortunes in Divorce.
One person just paid £100,000 in legal fees alone.

I'd NEVER remarry, out of protecting my assets. I want to pass them on to DC, not a husband who may change {as wives might}

NONE of us got married thinking we'd end up divorcing.

oakleaffy · 21/01/2021 18:50

@DoubleNegativePanda

My dad advised against marrying my ex-husband until the night before my wedding. Oh how I wished I'd listened to him.

I will never, ever, ever get legally married again.

Yes. A thousand times this. /\ /\

caringcarer · 21/01/2021 18:52

Would he do a prenup agreement?

oakleaffy · 21/01/2021 18:54

You never really know someone until you divorce them

This should be tattooed on to every ''asset rich'' person's inner eyelids before marrying.

ScarletZebra · 21/01/2021 18:59

@Fressia123

The ranch and family business are legally owned by me. The property/ inheritance law is different there. If I die (and there's no will) it would go to my children. I've always had a will anyways and it reverts to my parents, then my children my sister being the executor.

A marriage invalidates any existing Wills.

www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/death-and-wills/who-can-inherit-if-there-is-no-will-the-rules-of-intestacy/

I'm starting to think this is a wind-up; surely nobody can be that naive?

DuckonaBike · 21/01/2021 18:59

Call me a romantic fool, but I thought the whole point of marriage was to throw in your lot together, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health?

Also if a woman here was reporting that her bloke didn’t want to marry her as he had more assets and didn’t want to share them, I think she would be advised that he was a twat.

Up to you what you do with your own property obvs. But I’m glad my (much richer) DH didn’t take this attitude when we got married.

VinterKvinna · 21/01/2021 19:00

@Fressia123

My lawyer on my home country said no marriage here, no claim at all pretty much. Do as long as I dont sell anything we'd be ok.

Surely it will depend on where you get divorced?

VinterKvinna · 21/01/2021 19:01

What countries are you talking about?

OhioOhioOhio · 21/01/2021 19:05

DuckonaBike
There was nothing romantic about being left with £20 and 3 small children.

Blueskysunsout · 21/01/2021 19:05

I was with my ex for 25 years. We were childhood sweethearts everything was perfect until the lat 5 years when he has a midlife crisis ans his head was turned by someone younger. He regrets a s apologies now but when going through the divorce he was very nasty and bitter and tried to claim half of my very small business. It was awful I never thought he would do half of what he done when the relationship turned sour.

HotChoc10 · 21/01/2021 19:06

I thought pre-marital assets weren't considered part of the marriage 'pot' in divorce?

oakleaffy · 21/01/2021 19:06

@DuckonaBike

Call me a romantic fool, but I thought the whole point of marriage was to throw in your lot together, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health?

Also if a woman here was reporting that her bloke didn’t want to marry her as he had more assets and didn’t want to share them, I think she would be advised that he was a twat.

Up to you what you do with your own property obvs. But I’m glad my (much richer) DH didn’t take this attitude when we got married.

When you have worked hard for things, you don't want to see it given away to someone you fall out of love with, or who may be unfaithful.

If a couple come ''Equally financially matched'' into a marriage, it is probably a lot safer , as one won't be after the other's assets.

Wherearemymarbles · 21/01/2021 19:08

When people get married its all about love.
When they get divorced its all about money.

StarsonaString · 21/01/2021 19:17

I have far fewer assets than you but a reasonably well paying job and a house half paid for. Am childfree and in my early 30s. I have no intention to marry. The only circumstance I would do so is late in life to protect pensions etc. and I would have had to be with the person for many years.

katy1213 · 21/01/2021 19:18

I can't see what you'd gain by this marriage other than a ring on your finger and the romance of it. You need solid legal advice from both countries - but I think your dad's right.
Never give up your career and never give up your own assets!

Original poster

Fressia123 · 21/01/2021 19:42

We've been together for three + years. Have a house and a baby... And he had no rush to get married! Anyways it's my second marriage and my exH couldn't take any of the property abroad, so I know it isn't that easy.

OP posts:

Original poster

Fressia123 · 21/01/2021 19:43

And yes it's about the romantic gesture and being able to call him my husband. I also want to experience wearing a wedding dress, etc...

OP posts:

Chambored · 21/01/2021 19:46

@Fressia123

Well I might no him divorcing me, but we met while his divorce was pending. They had no assets, but he acknowledged their joint debt and took more than his share (and didn't have to). The legal advice that I got when I inherited the flat was simply that as long as we didn't validate the marriage all properties where safe.

Is he bringing debt to the marriage? Or any assets?

friedafinn · 21/01/2021 19:46

Your DF is right, I have said the same thing to my sons and daughter.

Chambored · 21/01/2021 19:52

@Fressia123

And yes it's about the romantic gesture and being able to call him my husband. I also want to experience wearing a wedding dress, etc...

At the possible expense of your assets? That’s bonkers. At the very least seek specialist advice before you proceed.

ZippedyDooDa · 21/01/2021 19:55

Anyways it's my second marriage and my exH couldn't take any of the property abroad, so I know it isn't that easy.

OP I know you say you have experience of this, but seriously - your claim that foreign property is exempt from a divorce settlement is fantasy. If that were the case, then anyone with assets planning a divorce could easily move their assets abroad and have them exempt from the settlement! It's just not true.

"any assets abroad will be considered in a divorce settlement much the same as any other asset"
www.familylawgroup.co.uk/site/blog/flg-news/divorce-and-the-division-of-overseas-assets

BlueThistles · 21/01/2021 19:55

Another one bites the dust 🙄

bouncydog · 21/01/2021 19:58

Two of my husbands relatives made a will leaving everything to each other in the country where they lived. They subsequently took up residence elsewhere and died. Although the will was recognised in the country of residence where they were living at the time of death, it was overruled because the inheritance law in the country where they died was found to take precedence. I would definitely not take the view of the notary where your assets are located unless he is an international law specialist. And until I had a definitive legal opinion in writing I would not get married. Also remember that new laws are passed so you must ensure that the advice you receive is revisited or take steps to protect your assets, such as a trust (and again you would need to take specialist advice).

MimiDaisy11 · 21/01/2021 20:00

I don't think you've said anything about your partner's assets. I assume he has far less than you?

Also, be cautious about putting things in family members names to avoid them being part of a potential divorce. Family members can rip you off too.
Princess Margaret put the property she was staying in her son's name (likely to avoid future tax) and he sold it so she had to rent it from the new owner.

ZippedyDooDa · 21/01/2021 20:02

A marriage invalidates any existing Wills.
...surely nobody can be that naive?

This is true OP. You would need to make a new will. Were you aware of this fact?

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