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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

My DF called me to advise me against getting married

318 replies

Fressia123 · 21/01/2021 16:26

As per title, my DF says that money changes everything and since there's no separation of assets in the UK I simply shouldn't get married. (The wedding is in April). Not completely unexpected but still a bit but that he actually said that.

OP posts:

CuriousaboutSamphire · 21/01/2021 17:06

I think your dad is probably a little disturbed by your wide eyes innocence when marrying divorce with ex marital debt and without a long discussion and.proper legal advice.

No family member or real friend would do otherwise

GreenClock · 21/01/2021 17:08

Are you in England (as some pps have assumed) or in a different part of the UK? Either way you need local legal advice. There is a lot of money at stake so find someone really good.

Iminaglasscaseofemotion · 21/01/2021 17:09

@Fressia123

I obviously don't think we'll get divorced, but I know him and I'll know he'll at least respect my money, so to speak.

You think that but a lot of people get nasty during a divorce and want every penny they are entitled to. My dad did it to my mum after 30 years of marriage.

Sethy38 · 21/01/2021 17:09

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

JoannaDory · 21/01/2021 17:12

At the very least you need a prenup OP. The courts will not see one party left in penury or children without maintenance and a home regardless of what it says but it may serve to protect your assets to an extent and given that these are also your family's assets you would be daft not to.

I really wouldn't place so much faith that in an English divorce your H couldn't have recourse to your assets abroad. If your country enforces judgments by English courts then he possibly can. In any event a court is likely to take their value into account in deciding what financial settlement you should pay him on divorce.

PickAChew · 21/01/2021 17:15

He might respect your money, now, but you could not guarantee that if the relationship turned sour for any reason.

Iwillnotbemoved · 21/01/2021 17:16

Surely you've seen people turn in your lifetime OP?

RuleWithAWoodenFoot · 21/01/2021 17:16

Yeah I'm not married because finances. Things are very tied up legally however. I was/am the one with money.

Original poster

Fressia123 · 21/01/2021 17:16

It's that my dad was so against it that made me sad. It's not a new announcement, I told him that I've spoken to our known and trusted solicitor of many years (and he's said more than once that I have nothing to worry about. But then my dad kept going on about how one day I might get the career break I deserve a d then I'd have to share everything with my DP so his views were very strange about the whole matter.

What a solicitor told me here is that as long as the property/assets didn't provide a better quality of life or where used somehow in a joint way I'd be ok. But then again, the property is abroad and it would involve international property law, which again the family solicitor said I'd be fine anyways.

OP posts:

Sssloou · 21/01/2021 17:17

@Fressia123

Well I might no him divorcing me, but we met while his divorce was pending. They had no assets, but he acknowledged their joint debt and took more than his share (and didn't have to). The legal advice that I got when I inherited the flat was simply that as long as we didn't validate the marriage all properties where safe.

So he has no assets but significant debt from his marriage that he was not divorced from when you met......

He saw you and your assets coming in my cynical opinion.

You don’t seem to have done your due diligence on this .... you need to invest in seeing a GB lawyer to clarify your position so you can happily get married knowing that divorce will result in loss of x, y, z % of your assets and that you are taking on his debt in your marriage.

Why did his marriage end?
How did he accrue debt?
How has he worked to clear it?
What are his current/future financial prospects?

Who’s idea was it to get married? Was it a whirlwind romance? Do you plan to have children with him?

Viviennemary · 21/01/2021 17:18

Everything will be up for grabs if you get married. In your position don't.

relaxtakeiteasyeatcheese · 21/01/2021 17:18

@Fressia123

He has a very good point op. Seek legal Advice.

WellIWasInTheNeighbourhoo · 21/01/2021 17:19

UK divorce court will absolutely include offshore assets in the 'pot'.

Topseyt · 21/01/2021 17:20

I think your Dad is right to be sounding this note of caution. He doesn't want to see you shafted and wants to ensure that you benefit properly from those family assets that have been put into your name. He doesn't want to see them lost to an outsider in the event of another divorce.

I get that it isn't pleasant for you to hear stuff like that, but you do need to be aware of it and you should take proper legal advice before marrying.

NavyFlask · 21/01/2021 17:20

Who owns the house you're currently living in? Do you own it jointly? I think you need to consult a solicitor for advice, particularly as you have a child together in addition to each having children.

Iwillnotbemoved · 21/01/2021 17:21

Love is blind. Fine if you die old dears together aged 90. Statistically, unlikely. I'm with your DF.

Sssloou · 21/01/2021 17:22

If you don’t plan to have children or don’t end up having children - you need to be clear legally what your responsibility is for housing him and your x step children.

Get some v thorough legal advice in writing before you do anything.

Iwonder08 · 21/01/2021 17:25

OP, even if you are in UK, you should get a prenup. They are not enforceable in court but the judge is likely to take it into account if it is sensible. You can also get insurance in case a judge decided against a prenup.
Your dad sounds very sensible to me especially you co-own family assets.

Original poster

Fressia123 · 21/01/2021 17:25

Yes our house is joint but we're tenants in common.

OP posts:

Sssloou · 21/01/2021 17:26

How would you finance paying him off the 25% of your parents home and the family business he may be entitled to if you divorced?

waterproofed · 21/01/2021 17:26

@Fressia123 you are not getting good legal advice from your family lawyer. He may not even be qualified to advise on international property assets. Everything will also depend on where you get married and where you get a divorce, if you get one.

There will be ways of protecting your assets, but you need proper advice to do that. Your trusted family lawyer may not be your best bet here.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 21/01/2021 17:27

Go back a bit, you seem to be quoting the law somewhere else whilst living, marrying and working in the UK.

Which is probably why your dad is now being so blunt about his reservations, especially given the fact that the rest of your family co-own much of the properties you identify.

handsandfeet · 21/01/2021 17:27

Why can you draw up a pre nuptial agreement?

Ultimatecougar · 21/01/2021 17:28

Your father is right. Even if you get legal advice now, rules around divorce are changeable. In 20 years time it could all be different. Don't risk it.

Namechangeforte · 21/01/2021 17:28

@Fressia123

I do. I own a flat, half my parents house, the family business and the family ranch. The flat is solely mine, some stuff is my name (for tax reasons). It's not THAT much, but of you add it all up it's worth maybe £1.5 million? Of that £300k are mine and then the rest is half mine and half my sister's. He also claimed that I'll eventually I'll probably get on with my career and have a decent salary, etc.... obviously al of that is before sales tax. As far as I understand it because it's been mine for many years and 15+ years before marriage they wouldn't be taken into account. They're also abroad and as long as we don't get married there, he has no claim to my assets, but only one they I could sell them, etc...

I would be with your father in this. There is no way I will marry someone if I had a portfolio like this, unless they matched it of course. It’s too big a risk.

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