My DF called me to advise me against getting married

[Fressia123]

As per title, my DF says that money changes everything and since there's no separation of assets in the UK I simply shouldn't get married. (The wedding is in April). Not completely unexpected but still a bit but that he actually said that.

but I know him and I'll know he'll at least respect my money, so to speak.

Wrong OP, 100% wrong - no matter how nice he is now, you can never predict how he will act in the event of divorce.

He’s right of course.

But I suspect it’s not just sensible financial advice he’s giving you. He may also see things about your partner you don’t.

Get him to sign a prenuptial agreement. Tell him it's to keep your father happy regarding the family business.

@Fressia123

I obviously don't think we'll get divorced, but I know him and I'll know he'll at least respect my money, so to speak.

Heard that before....

I haven't read all of the responses - just enough to know that at least some of the advice you've received is not correct.

You should consider a pre-nuptial agreement - to exclude inherited/family assets from any pot to be separated on divorce. It's not as straightforward as that, but a decent lawyer can advise you on that.

@Teakind

How old is your son? Transferring ownership to him also carries consequences (what if you fall out and he decides to sell up? Will it effect him buying his own property because he will have to be aware of capital gains tax etc...)

You are putting your parents in a very vulnerable position by marrying without having proper protection (I know prenups aren't watertight but it's a start)

Or what if your son makes an inappropriate marriage?! He’ll be on mumsnet in 25 years time, saying “my mum doesn’t want me to marry this girl. Yes, she’s been in debt in the past, but she’d never ever go after my money.”

I don’t know law

But can’t you protect your assets with a prenup?

He has no assets and you have a considerable amount.

You definitely need legal advice. Marriage is not just some romantic coupling, it’s a financial contract that has consequences. It may not seem like it now but around half of all marriage do not last, an even higher percentage of second marriages. I wouldn’t consider entering into a marriage with that amount of assets when my prospective spouse has none at all. Your DF is absolutely right.

And are you using the term 'family solicitor' in the general sense, as in a solicitor used regularly by your family, rather than 'Family solicitor' a solicitor specialising in family law? Either way, you need further advice- because a solicitor here is unlikely to be knowledgeable about the implications of your home country's legal system, and vice versa.

@Fressia123

Well I might no him divorcing me, but we met while his divorce was pending. They had no assets, but he acknowledged their joint debt and took more than his share (and didn't have to). The legal advice that I got when I inherited the flat was simply that as long as we didn't validate the marriage all properties where safe.

She had nothing to take

You do

Tranfering to your son is a stupid idea. As others have said, your son comes of age to access 'his' assets and nothing stopping him kicking you out.

Could you transfer ownership back to your parents so their home is safe. They might have to pay tax but at least it stays with them.

Your partner must be laughing his tits off. No assets and loads of debt, then you fall in his lap. Kerching.
Sorry, the older I get the more cynical I become.

Anyone who has a large amount of assets is an absolute fool to get married........ especially if the person they're marrying isn't as asset rich. I say that for both genders.

Your father is absolutely right, there is no way I'd ever get married again because of what I'd own. I have no intention of being taken to the cleaners.
If he loves you he'll happily live with you.
You should always think with your head never your heart. 50% of marriages fail.

I think your DF may have a point. How financially secure is your fiance, or would the division of assets be more like 99%-1% or 90%-10%?

DF may have handed you the assets to save tax, and yes legally they're yours and you can do as you wish. But I wouldn't blame DF for wanting to make sure that it is you, his daughter, who benefits from those assets, not a man he possibly hardly knows getting his hands on half of it.

I was in a similar situation OP. My DF warned me. I told him I knew what I was doing and that he would respect my assets should we get to a separation.

He didn't. I ended up losing out massively. Single biggest regret of my life was getting married.

Given your very fortunate financial position, and aside from a romantic inclination, is there really any point to you marrying this man? It's certainly not for your protection. It would only be to your detriment in the case of divorce.

The "family solicitor" is what we call a public notary. They deal with deeds, inheritance and property. So he does know of what happens to property held there while there's an international divorce going on, as they have to liaise with him. He's the overseer of all family assets in that way.

Having married a man I thought I would never divorce and would always respect me, I can honestly say I will never marry again unless a prenuptial agreement is drawn up to protect my assets. I don't know anything about prenups, and my divorce solicitor told me they are not used in England, but I could have misunderstood that so don't take my word for it.

Eventually everything worked out OK for me with regards to my assets, but my ex was more than happy to try to get what he knew was not rightly his. Like a pp said, you know the man you married, you don't know the man you'd divorce.

Listen to your dad OP. He's completely right. Marriage is all about assets and baggage, material and emotional.

I wish my parents had told me that.

Just be happy with your person.

@Fressia123

I obviously don't think we'll get divorced, but I know him and I'll know he'll at least respect my money, so to speak.

OP, please listen to everyone advising you that the above statement is not true. We are speaking from experience. I will tell you that you don't know the man you married until you divorce him. Nobody knows what is around the next corner. You have no guarantee whatsoever that he will respect your money. None at all.

There's no loads of debt, those have already been paid.

Seriously, OP, with the value and nature (both personal and business) of your assets and the multiple jurisdictions involved, you need in-depth legal and tax advice and a pre-nup that takes account of the complexity of your situation. I'm not surprised your dad is concerned.

I think you can ring fence pre marital assets.

Put it to fiancé that it's for your family.

Anything from wedding day you grow together is split.

Then everyone knows where they stand.

Where do you live, OP? There are lots of comments about the ‘UK’ from people that are very misleading. If you are in Scotland, for example, you would only split 50% of a marital property and inheritance wouldn’t be counted. I imagine NI has different divorce laws too.

You need advice from a family lawyer and an (international) tax/trust lawyer before you get married. The advice you have received seems inadequate. Just because rights to property in marriage are treated differently in your home country does not mean they automatically apply to your situation as a divorce here and your assets would be subject to English law. A pp had already helpfully mentioned that prenups can be used as guidance to the Court in the UK, and that insurance is available if a judge ignores that.