Page 11 | My DF called me to advise me against getting married

Fressia123 · 2021-01-21T16:26:39+00:00

As per title, my DF says that money changes everything and since there's no separation of assets in the UK I simply shouldn't get married. (The wedding is in April). Not completely unexpected but still a bit but that he actually said that.

Sssloou · 22/01/2021 11:52

@Fressia123

I have been married and divorced here in England (length of marriage 8 years) and the property abroad is still untouched. I don't think why in this case it would be any different.

So if you “know” the legal answer - why have you posted?

Sssloou · 22/01/2021 12:04

Is the root of it that you are more concerned with what the new partner is bringing to the table?

It seems you have a career that has the potential to take off and be lucrative, a solid settlement with pension rights from a first marriage and substantial assets here and abroad.

It appears that he took on a burden of debt from the collapse of his first marriage (now paid off) and has two children to house and raise.

Does he have the earning capacity / opportunities that you have - or are you likely to be the main breadwinner housing and funding him and his children?

Original poster

Fressia123 · 22/01/2021 12:09

The root is by dad @Sssloouive always known I'll take the burden, that's just how it is and have always been aware of it.

OP posts:

Cosmos123 · 22/01/2021 12:47

Give your dad his assets back and if that means cutting ties then you have to make your choice.
Obv your flat which is worth 300k will belong to both you and your husband once you marry.
But you are happy with that?

Feedingthebirds1 · 22/01/2021 12:55

OP it's clear by now that the reason you posted was to have people telling you that your DF is an arse, and that love conquers all, that a wedding day is the best day of your life, so go ahead. That they haven't, and have given reasons why, hasn't changed your view. If a pretty frock and a party is what matters most to you, crack on. But if anything happens further down the line, remember that it was you who wanted to get married. He, you say, is happy to stay as you are.

Justforphoto · 22/01/2021 13:04

@Fressia123

My solicitor asked for all assets (my exH had the same). I told them about all the property overseas and explained that k e had them since I was literally a baby. They did their maths and the house was split 50/50, and I even got some of his pension (that I'll never claim anyways).

That actually sounds like he may have had sufficient assets too. Just because you didn't lose the assets last time doesn't mean that they weren't taken into account and if this current husband to be doesn't have any financial assets you are in a totally different position

ImsorryWilson · 22/01/2021 13:16

"Even if I tried to.prove my own assets (I don't know the addresses of either the ranch nor the business for example) I'd have to jump through a few hoops to get them."

THIS IS NOT NORMAL.
why is mumsnet suddenly pretending to be full of the super-rich living bizarre lifestyles? This is like some sort of joke. Who "owns" a house they don't know the address of?

OP, I am not against wealth, it's just the weirdness of your family set up that is bugging me. I have a friend who has become very rich. He takes his childhood friends on trips to see concerts overseas because he can. He bought a bigger house in his home town because he can. He gives stuff to causes he likes because he can. He has an entirely simple and joyful relationship with his money. I hope you can get a bit closer to that because it's honestly better for the children. Your dad did you no favours entangling you in all this crap.

I think that people who are lucky enough to be wealthy have a responsibility to keep it either philanthropically useful or at least to take joy in it, and not to let it become a burden or a cause of complaint, or something that messes up their relationships. Your dad has failed that test and it's messing up your plans.

Original poster

Fressia123 · 22/01/2021 13:30

No my exH only owned the house jointly with me that was it. And yes I don't know the business's address but I know how to get there. The ranch is a completely different matter, I've only been there a handful of times.

OP posts:

unmarkedbythat · 22/01/2021 13:50

@Feedingthebirds1

OP it's clear by now that the reason you posted was to have people telling you that your DF is an arse, and that love conquers all, that a wedding day is the best day of your life, so go ahead. That they haven't, and have given reasons why, hasn't changed your view. If a pretty frock and a party is what matters most to you, crack on. But if anything happens further down the line, remember that it was you who wanted to get married. He, you say, is happy to stay as you are.

Such odd hostility in this response.

ImsorryWilson · 22/01/2021 15:44

"I don't know the business's address but I know how to get there. The ranch is a completely different matter, I've only been there a handful of times."

if you carry on like this I'm going to write a novel about you :)

good luck OP

Sssloou · 22/01/2021 18:32

@Fressia123

The root is by dad *@Sssloouive* always known I'll take the burden, that's just how it is and have always been aware of it.

OK - so does this mean that currently you have taken on the burden of housing and funding the lifestyle of a man and his children who has zero assets / questionable earning capacity or financial independence with your sole earning capacity? Does this fall into the MN definition of “cocklodger”?

And that once you are married you are going to fly blind legally and hope you won’t lose your current assets + pension + assets accrued by your sole earning capacity during the marriage if the relationship stumbles?

You are then risking compromising the financial and housing security of the child you already have (not his) by this arrangement and benefiting him and his children.

I would thorough legal advice for your child’s sake.

Are you uncomfortable doing this because it doesn’t feel romantic?

Are you scared of his reaction if you told him that you were taking legal advice to protect your existing assets?

How do you think he would respond?

Original poster

Fressia123 · 22/01/2021 19:13

I think that was taken to the extreme. He has earning capacity he pays his way (otherwise no mortgage would have been granted). The bills are paid 50/50. What I absorb is childcare costs so to speak.

He's works FT and has a job, simply my earning potential is higher.

He'd always say he'll sign a prenup if that makes my DF happy but I know they can be overturned so don't see the point.

OP posts:

Cosmos123 · 22/01/2021 19:36

Well just go ahead and marry him

Sounds a catch.

Sssloou · 22/01/2021 19:38

@Fressia123

I think that was taken to the extreme. He has earning capacity he pays his way (otherwise no mortgage would have been granted). The bills are paid 50/50. What I absorb is childcare costs so to speak.

He's works FT and has a job, simply my earning potential is higher.

He'd always say he'll sign a prenup if that makes my DF happy but I know they can be overturned so don't see the point.

Glad to hear that. I already asked before what his contribution would be - and you said you would take on “the burden” so it wasn’t clear that he brings 50/50.

Original poster

Fressia123 · 22/01/2021 19:57

Yes our everyday expenses are all 50/50. Sometime we can save from that, sometimes more is needed and usually I help, but even then I try to claw bacl

OP posts:

MaeveDidIt · 22/01/2021 20:50

Listen to your father.

BumbleFlump · 22/01/2021 21:33

I agree with your dad...having been through a divorce with but with considerably less assets than you, I know it’s hard to imagine it ever happening but, trust me if it came to that the chances are that he’ll take everything he can get.

OhioOhioOhio · 22/01/2021 21:42

Yeah I totally don't understand why you were so relaxed about him being allowed all of that money for his jolly time.

AlwaysCheddar · 22/01/2021 21:44

Can’t you get a deed of trust, or declaration, to protect your assets?

Original poster

Fressia123 · 23/01/2021 05:47

The only IL based solution is a pre-nup bit they're not binding and a bit pointless (IMO) they might give my dad some reassurance

OP posts:

user1174147897 · 23/01/2021 06:12

Have you actually taken current legal advice in England & Wales on prenuptial agreements? From a competent E&W solicitor appropriately experienced in the correct jurisdiction and area of law?

Because it's unusual for courts to disregard them now so long as certain conditions are met.

Cosmos123 · 23/01/2021 07:40

Transfer the assets or
Sell the assets
Before marriage.

Lots of men have been great before marriage. Sharing the costs and work loads etc. But divorce can be ugly.

Listen to your father.

C0NNIE · 23/01/2021 07:56

@Fressia123

The only IL based solution is a pre-nup bit they're not binding and a bit pointless (IMO) they might give my dad some reassurance

You have no idea if that’s the only solution because you have not had specialist legal advice in the country where you reside.

A little chat to an old family friend in another country is not the same.

You need a written opinion that you can rely on.

I’m quite shocked that you are treating your parents so badly. They have spent their lives earning an asset that you are potentially throwing away because you can’t be arsed to spend a few hundred pounds (of your millions ) to get legal advice.

Hazelnutlatteplease · 23/01/2021 08:02

deed of trust

Become irrelevant/invalid from the start

Original poster

Fressia123 · 23/01/2021 08:02

A) the legal advice in my home country is not from just "old friend" he's a proper estate/inheritance/ property lawyer with many years of experience and with a very high reputation.

B) when I got divorced and when we bought this house I asked about it (we bought this house last year).

C) they won't take the assets back

D) I don't have millions. THEY do. Even the flat I fully own I can't sell as it would upset my DM.

OP posts: