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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My DF called me to advise me against getting married

318 replies

Fressia123 · 21/01/2021 16:26

As per title, my DF says that money changes everything and since there's no separation of assets in the UK I simply shouldn't get married. (The wedding is in April). Not completely unexpected but still a bit but that he actually said that.

OP posts:
Cosmos123 · 22/01/2021 08:39

"Personality wise my exH is a lot more of a money grabber than my DP."

You can only fairly answer this when you have divorced the 2nd husband.
People can change.
And just being 'blunt' wont be is only downside when he takes what RIGHTLY is his. That is half of the assets.

Cosmos123 · 22/01/2021 08:47

Do you really believe your assets are protected because the language in your home country is difficult?
A legal team could easily appoint a translator.
Dont be so naive.
Just buy a white dress and have a party without the marriage.

Cheongfan · 22/01/2021 09:09

You clearly don't want to say which South American country you're dealing with (which is fine of course) but I'm not aware of one where the official language isn't Spanish, French, English or Dutch (or Portuguese but Google suggests this isn't Brazil). Plus what you're suggesting is that you would deal with this by lying to the court and not declaring all assets!

You really need to get English law legal advice. Your last divorce he didn't go after the assets. Next time (if it happens) he might. You cannot predict the future and how anyone will react in a divorce situation.

Coffeeandcocopops · 22/01/2021 09:11

Your father is correct.

Get legal advice.

ShadowPuppeteer · 22/01/2021 09:11

It is a myth that a spouse will always take half of the assets on divorce, just as much as it is a myth that the wife will stay in the former matrimonial home until the youngest child reaches 18. Either of these outcomes are possible, but will depend upon the facts of each case and the discretion exercised by the judge who deals with the matter.

If you think you have a gas leak in your house, would you call a gas engineer/plumber or would you dig out your spanner and have a go at sorting it out yourself?

LemonBreeland · 22/01/2021 09:23

OP I'm no expert but I think that probably your impending marriage would be treated differently to your previous one, as their is now a child involved. A marriage with no children is dissolved differently to one with children. You really do need good advice.

Sethy38 · 22/01/2021 09:25

It’s Mexico

NotMeekNotObedient · 22/01/2021 09:27

Please please please speak to a proper Family lawyer in the UK who deals with big assets and is experienced with international assets. I think the advice you've recived is wrong. If you are married here, live here, you can seek divorce here in the UK which is as a previous poster suggests the capital of divorce for a reason! Your assets (including the family business and your Dad's home, which you own part of?) would all be on the table. How would you feel if your Dad ended up homeless?

I'm not saying dont get married but you are 100% putting you and your family's fanancial security at risk but not getting adequate legal advice in the UK.

NavyFlask · 22/01/2021 09:31

The OP has said openly before which country, but it is Central, not South, American. (Not that it makes a fig of difference, because their official language is one you have listed @Cheongfan)

Rosiedo · 22/01/2021 09:31

@Fressia123

I obviously don't think we'll get divorced, but I know him and I'll know he'll at least respect my money, so to speak.
I never thought that I would get divorced, but my husband and I are very close to that!
Cheongfan · 22/01/2021 09:32

@Sethy38

It’s Mexico
Hardly the back of beyond!

I'm not sure why the OP thinks that in (eg) 20 years time the DH won't be able to prove assets in Mexico. Who know what his financial position would be and I assume they will have gotten the registers online by then. Hell he might even have learnt Spanish!

Cheongfan · 22/01/2021 09:34

@NavyFlask

The OP has said openly before which country, but it is Central, not South, American. (Not that it makes a fig of difference, because their official language is one you have listed *@Cheongfan*)
Missed that! I need to keep up better ☺️
Original poster
Fressia123 · 22/01/2021 09:39

It's not Central America FFS !

OP posts:
Original poster
Fressia123 · 22/01/2021 09:46

Even if I tried to.prove my own assets (I don't know the addresses of either the ranch nor the business for example) I'd have to jump through a few hoops to get them.

And what a PP said it's true having such a legal battle costs money. In 20 years we would have moved to Mexico as I want to move ASAP but because of the older children we can't yet.

And yes I'm divorced with a child from the previous marriage and all my assets remained intact.

OP posts:
NavyFlask · 22/01/2021 09:49

How bizarre. I was taught it was (in UK), but googling seems divided upon whether it is Central (which itself is part of North America continentwise) or North. (Though more place it in North)
Kuoni group it with neither, but its own little section Caribbean and Mexico, how lovely.

Original poster
Fressia123 · 22/01/2021 09:50

It's North America... Google NAFTA which is the Northern American Free Trade Agreement this we're North America!

OP posts:
VanGoghsDog · 22/01/2021 09:50

What exactly are you asking, since you don't seem to want to help with useful details, get cross when people try to guess at the details, and argue against everyone who makes a suggestion - what were you hoping for from this thread?

I find it astonishing that people can be bothered to get themselves in these stupid situations. The tax affairs of your parents should not be your concern. Get the assets signed back to them, then your dad will have nothing to beef about.
Do a pre nup if you must get married. It's better than nothing though by no means watertight.

NavyFlask · 22/01/2021 09:54

@Fressia123

It's North America... Google NAFTA which is the Northern American Free Trade Agreement this we're North America!
Indeed, I have already accepted that. However memberships of organisations change- not every country in NATO is on the North Atlantic! Some don't even have a coastline.
TheVanguardSix · 22/01/2021 09:57

And yes I'm divorced with a child from the previous marriage and all my assets remained intact.

So how did that happen? Explain. And why are you worried now? Because let's face it, if you weren't worried, you wouldn't be on MN mulling over your father's very sound advice. I wouldn't touch marriage with a barge pole if I were you, OP.

Even if I tried to.prove my own assets (I don't know the addresses of either the ranch nor the business for example) I'd have to jump through a few hoops to get them.

If you ever do find yourself divorcing down the road, believe me, they'll make sure you jump through hoops of fire to get them, regardless of how expensive, exhausting, and perhaps even fruitless it seems. The law doesn't ever say 'that's too much work. Don't worry about it. Leave it'. The law will insist that you do uphold your legal end of the deal and the legal end of the deal is on the law's terms, not yours. Your pending husband is totally entitled to make a legal claim on the assets you enter the marriage with.
Look before you leap, OP, is all I'm saying.

NavyFlask · 22/01/2021 10:24

@VanGoghsDog

What exactly are you asking, since you don't seem to want to help with useful details, get cross when people try to guess at the details, and argue against everyone who makes a suggestion - what were you hoping for from this thread?

I find it astonishing that people can be bothered to get themselves in these stupid situations. The tax affairs of your parents should not be your concern. Get the assets signed back to them, then your dad will have nothing to beef about.
Do a pre nup if you must get married. It's better than nothing though by no means watertight.

I think OP was posting about her relationship with her father, rather than advice on whether to marry.
Original poster
Fressia123 · 22/01/2021 10:27

My solicitor asked for all assets (my exH had the same). I told them about all the property overseas and explained that k e had them since I was literally a baby. They did their maths and the house was split 50/50, and I even got some of his pension (that I'll never claim anyways).

OP posts:
Original poster
Fressia123 · 22/01/2021 10:30

Thank you @NavyFlask you're correct. And how he's known about his wedding for a while and now when it's imminent is when he decides to voice his concerns.

OP posts:
Cosmos123 · 22/01/2021 10:41

You just want to hear people to say it will be wonderful.
Might be.
Although statistically it probably wont.
Also if want to be with him why cant you handle the fact he will be entitled to half.
Sounds like you just want a white dress and a fantasy life.

Cosmos123 · 22/01/2021 10:43

She did want advice about her relationship with her father but is clearly worried about the prospect of losing her assets.

Otherwise she would not be thinking about it all.

VanGoghsDog · 22/01/2021 11:27

The relationship with the father can be healed by not marrying or returning his assets to him. Or both.

He's right to raise his concerns.