Does your DP contribute to household bills

[NC19012021]

Have name changed for this as do not want my previous threads discussing similar topics to be taken into account when answering.

My query is this, if you are a single parent/person whose DP does not live with you but stays 3 to 4 nights a week, has lunch, dinner, baths etc do they contribute to your household and food bills?

Thanks in advance

Your updates have been great. I was going to suggest that every text have '...and bring shopping with you if you want to eat here' but you have a plan in place.
He is way too comfortable and complacent. His dp have done him no favours.

Mine stays 3 nights a week (Fri/Sat/Sun) and very occasionally a midweek night (but it can be 9pm before he gets here if he's on lates and gone by 8am, or by 6am if he's on earlies).

No, he doesn't - although this weekend he bank transferred me £20 cos he said he's always eating here. TBH, to me it doesn't make much difference to add an extra to myself & 2 teen boys.
Pre-covid we'd eat out every couple of weeks and he'd pay, he'll bring flowers/chocolates.
He buys the turkey & alcohol at Christmas.
He also contributes massively in terms of diy and has done loads and loads around the house for me.

At this stage, living apart and he has his own home to run, I don't want his money.

Of course he knows how much food bills and fuel bills cost.

That's how he knows he wants to duck out of paying towards them.

You're unable to stay at his house because of your family commitments. Obviously that's not his fault. He can't be expected to pay towards your bills too. However he certainly needs to contribute towards food and drink!

He should also buy some toiletries etc at times too as I bet he uses those (just being pedantic now).

Yes, he should definitely be contributing towards the food costs, but not towards your household living expenses.

But it sounds like there is more to the issue than purely money - he's got too used to being there, and treating the place as his own, rather than as a guest in your house. He also sounds like a bit of a selfish arse, and is being quite disrespectful. Getting him to contribute financially isn't going to fix those character problems.

I stay at my partner's a bit - one to two nights a week on average. I always offer to buy or bring food, and help with the domestics while I'm there. I wouldn't dream of helping myself to her food, or expect her to get items in for me.

No decent person would continue to show up empty handed.

Some people are just piss takers.

You can't even shame them into it, they have none.

I'm in the exact same set up as OP, single Mum, young DS, pets - easier for me for OH to come here. He doesn't mind at all but there's no chance of the situation being reciprocal.
I've made it very clear I'm on a strict budget. If he wants a bath, he jumps in after me, heating/lighting is on anyway. He doesn't help himself to food, always asks. He will contribute (a small amount - as he's worse off than me) to food items when I go shopping and if he pops to the corner shop he's happy to grab milk/eggs or whatever. The point is, he's very respectful. Your OH doesn't sound like he is and I'd be having a row about it!

I posted my response before reading the thread.

The attitude you describe from your bloke would be unacceptable to me.
The bit where you said you'd said not to eat something and he'd popped it in his mouth with a smile, OMG!

As I posted above the bloke I'm seeing doesn't contribute financially to any real significance, but if he wants anything while he is here he will pop to the shop and get it and get me something while he's doing so, he tries to pay for my shopping if we've gone together (atm I'm mainly doing online, so he can't), he asks if he can give me some money for him being here, he brings stuff over, he helps out while he is here both with the general domestic stuff and cuts the lawn and also with ongoing maintenance and bigger DIY projects.

You're quite rightly feeling taken advantage of. You've raised it before plus given more hints recently - him continuing means he's not a good'un. Sorry OP

@billy1966 Echo all you say..couldn't have put it better myself!

He sounds like a teenage boy, raiding the cupboards and being cheeky to his mum. Do you really want that in your life?

He sounds like a bit of a cock lodger - that fridge stunt would have had me boiling! My DH and I spend equal amounts of time at each others houses so we won't pay each others bills but we do always halve the shopping - either shop on, shop off, or transfer the money depending on what is easier. Same with petrol if ie we use my car more than his work van. It works out equal in the end.

Well, reckon it's over...

Off to bed now but will fill you in tomorrow if you feel like listening to me rant. Nite x

My DP at the moment spend two nights per week at mine ;other times it can be more). He set up a direct debit for £50 per week without being asked.

He will also treat us to takeaways (if we have one), bring wine with him and pay for additional shops at the butchers.

Prior to lockdown we had no formal arrangement. He did pay for most the meals out and weekends away. This is why he set up the DD as he was aware he was not contributing but spending time here.

Not sure what we will do once we can start going out again.

Is this the guy that looked forward to shopping day Thursday? That when you called him out on it was nasty to your son?

@XiCi

Is this the guy that looked forward to shopping day Thursday? That when you called him out on it was nasty to your son?

No, as already stated downthread, not the youghurt coupon guy

I had this once. Similar situation. I was single parent, working and also studying. Had a massive row over a particular bill that they didn’t want to contribute to (stupid reason that didn’t make any sense and had absolutely nothing to do with me or my household. Red mist took over and they were talking absolute rubbish). They wouldn’t leave, so I put their work laptop bag outside the front door. They then left 😄

@YellowBeryl

Thanks @YellowBeryl x

Haven't officially ended things, said I needed a few weeks break (explain more tomorrow) but sitting here thinking "why bother?" Have a garden coffee date with Mum tomorrow for the first time since Xmas (yes, I know, breaking lock down rules, blah blah - if anyone cares, I've followed guidelines to the letter of the law until now, I need her now, even if she's 3m away) and have come to the realisation that my relationship will end tomorrow. Will have to explain to my family (who were so happy for me), myDS (who adores exP... what am I going to tell him???) Shit!
Anyway, check in tomorrow for yer advice x

You don't have to 'explain' anything to your family. You tell them he doesn't make you happy any more.

You can talk to your DS in an age-appropriate way about a friendship ending, and how it's ok to be sad, and that you will never ever leave him, your son, and you will have each other always. You can explain a bit more as he gets older, if he even remembers. If he asks questions, answer them honestly and briefly. Lots of hugs.

You have yourself a cocklodger in the making. Run now.

Well done you! It's the right decision.

I think your family will be fine once you tell them what you told us. Your son might be tricky but as long as you are there for him you will be okay.

Well done.
Just reading your thread me me cross for you!
He def was taking advantage of you and you sounded like his mum !
Hope you're ok.
What is it with some men seeing single parents as a free ride?