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Original poster

Does your DP contribute to household bills

188 replies

NC19012021 · 19/01/2021 10:27

Have name changed for this as do not want my previous threads discussing similar topics to be taken into account when answering.

My query is this, if you are a single parent/person whose DP does not live with you but stays 3 to 4 nights a week, has lunch, dinner, baths etc do they contribute to your household and food bills?

Thanks in advance Smile

OP posts:
SweatyBetty20 · 19/01/2021 12:53

Mine stays a couple of nights a week. He doesn’t put towards bills - he has his own home - but he brings wine, his own shower stuff and toiletries, and has saved me a fortune in other stuff eg devices my bikes, sealed the bath, built me a potting bench, installed ceiling lights and plug sockets. He’s taking the piss.

Palavah · 19/01/2021 12:54

Would it be ridiculous to say that I'm giving him a shelf in the cupboard and the fridge for his food now and that he can make his own meals from now on?

As PP said, it would be unreasonable to keep having him in the house.

His attitude shows a total lack of respect for you and that would have my knees clamped firmly shut.

Stop hanging out at your place.

If you want to continue to see him do at his place. A tenner says he grumbles, doesn't put the fire on and suggests going halves on a takeaway.

bbd72 · 19/01/2021 12:54

Myself and my partner both have our own homes but spend majority of the time at mine due to being a long distance relationship (he works 4on, 4off so spends 4 off at mine).

I was never bothered as it is myself dd16 and ds13 but he decided about 18months into the relationship that he wanted to help towards the shopping bills so not we halve it every time and although I wasn't bothered it has been a great help

MrsVogon · 19/01/2021 12:54

Also wanted to add the disrespectful nature of just eating the food when you have planned for it. My ex was like this. He would eat my DC's food I would plan to use for their packed lunch and when I asked him not to..his answer was "Well it is fair game, it's there in the cupboard". To say I wanted to strangle the smirking little shit is an understatement. I put up with it and allocated a bag for the packed lunch stuff and asked him not to eat it. It was like dealing with a child.

If he can't respect your budgeting and planning, as well as not contributing to anything, I'd tell him to leave. This will continue and he won't change. He's a complete tosser.

Thatnameistaken · 19/01/2021 12:54

Freeloading piss taking cocklodger. He should be contributing for the time he's there. Write a comprehensive shopping list and tell him to buy it on the way to yours, do that alternate weeks it's only fair. If he baulks at that kick his arse down the road.

Bluntness100 · 19/01/2021 12:55

How do you not know how to address it

Ok, the food costs when you’re here is x. Going forward can you pay half of that, as that’s what you eat, it’s x amount, please set up a standing order and transfer the first months tomorrow. I won’t charge utilities at this point as it’s my home and it needs to stay that way.

Bluntness100 · 19/01/2021 12:57

If you want to continue to see him do at his place. A tenner says he grumbles, doesn't put the fire on and suggests going halves on a takeaway

He doesn’t have a place, he lives with mummy and daddy and does not pay them either,

HerMammy · 19/01/2021 12:57

A separate shelf? Are you mad?
He’s a using disrespectful twat, just get rid.

schmockdown · 19/01/2021 12:59

Yes getting a seperate shelf would be ridiculous, do you want to revert to student life?

He's too tight to turn the heating on but leaves everything on at yours?

Take the advice and get rid. That's how you approach it op.

IJustWantSomeBees · 19/01/2021 12:59

Yes, this would be ridiculous. You do know how to approach this (dump him), you just don't want to do it.

Palavah · 19/01/2021 12:59

@Bluntness100

If you want to continue to see him do at his place. A tenner says he grumbles, doesn't put the fire on and suggests going halves on a takeaway

He doesn’t have a place, he lives with mummy and daddy and does not pay them either,

Ah, I read 'rent-free in a house owned by his parents' as a property other than the one they live in. If he does still live with them I bet he's never done a big shop in his life.
billy1966 · 19/01/2021 13:00

OP,

He's using you.

He's mean.

You have zero self respect and he knows it.

Could he make it any more obvious to you what an absolute MUG he thinks you are.

You must be absolutely desperate for a man, any man, to put up with being used in such a way by a mean, selfish prick.

This has been going on for a long time and yet you allow it to continue.

You really must be desperate.

Instead of trying to fix MR. MEAN why don't you focus on why you are so desperate for any man, that you would put up with this?

Sorry to be harsh but you really need to give your head a wobble.🙄
Flowers

Oreservoir · 19/01/2021 13:01

For the next week just cook for yourself and dc.
Lock snacks in your car boot - I'm not joking.

BackwardsGoing · 19/01/2021 13:03

He's just innately selfish. And disrespectful. I'd give it a break and go back to dating (when you can leave the house). You will be happier when you're not on edge around his greediness and thoughtlessness all the time.

I think I remember your previous threads.

DifficultBloodyWoman · 19/01/2021 13:05

You asked him not to eat something. He smiled at you. And ate it?

LTB

Back when DH was DP, he had his own place but stayed with me 4 or 5 nights a week. He didn’t contribute to my rent or bills. He did buy (lots of) groceries. He always paid for the takeaways. He took me out to restaurants and parties etc. And he paid. Even when he was out of work, he still insisted on paying.

HollowTalk · 19/01/2021 13:05

It always amazes me what people will put up with just to have a boyfriend.

Can you think of anyone else amongst your friends, family and colleagues who would do this? Who would stay in someone's house and eat all their food even when they're told not to?

He's another cocklodger. I'm fucking sick of them on here. He's utterly selfish and greedy and - sorry - he's using you.

Get rid and raise your standards.

MrsVogon · 19/01/2021 13:09

@billy1966

OP,

He's using you.

He's mean.

You have zero self respect and he knows it.

Could he make it any more obvious to you what an absolute MUG he thinks you are.

You must be absolutely desperate for a man, any man, to put up with being used in such a way by a mean, selfish prick.

This has been going on for a long time and yet you allow it to continue.

You really must be desperate.

Instead of trying to fix MR. MEAN why don't you focus on why you are so desperate for any man, that you would put up with this?

Sorry to be harsh but you really need to give your head a wobble.🙄
Flowers

All of this.

OP you know what the answer is, but if you want to continue to be that river in Egypt..then so be it!

Bluntness100 · 19/01/2021 13:10

Ah, I read 'rent-free in a house owned by his parents' as a property other than the one they live in. If he does still live with them I bet he's never done a big shop in his life

Ah, maybe you’re right. ,,

LannieDuck · 19/01/2021 13:11

Do a test run, OP. Find your most recent food bill and go and ask him now to transfer the money for 1/3 of it to your account.

Then you'll know what you're dealing with.

Hailtomyteeth · 19/01/2021 13:17

For fuck's sake, stop piddling about with this one. The smirk as he ate something you'd asked him not to would be enough for me. This isn't a man who doesn't know he's getting something for nothing, he's a man who doesn't care. He doesn't care about you, your son, or your finances. He's using you and you are falling for it. The word 'mug' comes to mind.

Hailtomyteeth · 19/01/2021 13:18

Ha! Someone upthread thought the same!

beantrader · 19/01/2021 13:19

Ooh the bit about you asking him not to eat something and him chucking in his mouth and smiling at you made my blood boil!!

Find your anger op. He is a freeloader. When I had a bf who would stay over a lot he would buy groceries, treats, then even things for the house like a dvd player, new duvet for winter etc. He would clean the house, cook dinner - you know, like a normal adult.

He's treating you like a mug. Why do you allow this??

averythinline · 19/01/2021 13:20

No I wouldn't do a shelf for his food you're not flatmates....

How you deal with it is by saying..as you're here 4 nights a week you need to contribute to the costs...

Or just tell him to fuck off as he has very little respect for you ....and is unlikely to change if you've had to have more threads on here.....

PussGirl · 19/01/2021 13:22

Asking about snacks & nibbles for later while eating a roast dinner WTF - greedy pig - is he overweight?

BlueJag · 19/01/2021 13:23

It's no point resenting him. I'll say now that you are here most days I'll like to split the shopping and your share is...
He doesn't feel shame at eating and using all your stuff.
Be clear he is an adult in principle. As an adult I would be embarrassed if my partner had state the obvious.
Why is the bar so low for men?

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