Cross dressing - wise words needed

[Understatedhyperbole]

Looking for some wise words here and anyone with experience.

I have just found out that my partner of 3 years is a Cross-dresser. He does not yet know that I know, although I did voice my suspicions a year ago when something weird came up on internet history, and he very much denied it.

A bit of background. We both have teenage boys and don’t live together - but do have a blended family as we live near/share schools and clubs etc. My boys adore him and he’s been more of a father to them in the last 2 years than their own (we introduced each other gradually) -I adore his boys too, and am very to close to one of them who has special needs.

Our sex life has always been really good - although, if I’m honest I would like him to be a bit more dominant - however that’s never been a massive issue and he always leaves me very satisfied. He is kind and considerate and great fun to be around. We both enjoy a shared hobby and have similar interests, work in similar fields. Up until a few days ago I would have said I love him to bits and that he was my best friend.

So on to the issue.

Firstly, I don’t think I can get past this. He is a big bloke and the idea of him in make-up/heels etc turns my stomach. However, can this be contained? Is this something he can do in his own time, so to speak and keep out of our relationship? I have no idea about this - will it just grow and grow once it’s acknowledged?

Secondly, obviously he has lied to me. I understand why - the shame must be huge and the fear of losing what we have. However, he has lied to me for years - my last partner had an affair for years and this has brought it all back. I don’t think this is fixable - but I’m just so sad at everything we will lose.

I really want advice from anyone that’s been in the same situation. My head is telling me there is no way forward here, but my heart wants there to be a way to deal with this.

I you have been able to sort this sad situation out with him , i obviously don’t know what you or he feels now but I do know a little of how it feels from the male side

I really don't get women who have a problem with this.

If you’re comfortable with it, then great. But you REALLY don’t get to question how other women should feel about it.

I haven't questioned anybody. I have said I don't understand why a lot of women have a problem with it. At no point have I made a value judgement around what other women may feel.

Erm, yes you have 🤦🏻‍♀️ The very nature of don’t understand why you’d have a problem with it is a judgement on those that do.

No it is not! Rather it is a wondering what aspect of cross dressing bothers women the most. eg are they going to be uncomfortable if their partner is at a stage where they want to sit around the house dressed in female clothing for instance? Or is it that their husband/partner wants to incorporate cross dressing in their sex life?!
I am not going to say any more about this.

I’m not a mum but so he crossdresses don’t a lot of musicians and ppl with kinks. Remember The Rolling Stones with the glam makeup etc Unless it gets downright weird or If it gets eery voice your concern but you sound controlling if it’s innocent. Gosh I didn’t even know about crossdressing then I read about it x

ZOMBIE THREAD

@MsPri if you want to cross dress, go ahead.

But if you're doing it because you get sexual kicks from it, it's not something many heterosexual women find attractive - especially when it's pornified stripper-wear.

Berating women because they don't like it is like berating a lesbian for not wanting to sleep with you. Preferences are a thing. And getting shitty with women on here because they push back against men forcing their fetish on them is not on.

If a woman doesn't fancy you because you cross dress, that's a you problem. I'm sure there are women out there who don't mind, or even actively participate but that's on you to find them - not to berate all women for not finding it attractive, grow up.