DOE DP/DH just follow them around the house all the time?

[bringwineplease]

I get the feeling this will be a resounding NO from many of you so this is probably more of a vent rather than "is this normal?"

Does anyone else's partners/husbands just follow them from room to room all the time?! It's getting so bad, I feel like I've got another dog!

A few recent examples:
Monday after work, DP comes through to the kitchen to meet me. Stand and chat for a few minutes while I put my bag down, coat off. Tell him I'm going upstairs to get changed... he follows me up the stairs, across the landing, into the dressing room, then I went into the bedroom for my slippers, follows me in there too, back in the dressing room to brush my hair, follows, walk halfway back to the stairs, realise I've forgotten my phone charger so back into the bedroom, and he's right behind me again! Sometimes he's nattering away, other times just watching.

Like the weekend, I walked from the kitchen to the utility to put a wash load on, turn round and he's standing silently watching me load the machine.

Weekend just passed, I thought a miracle had occurred as I had managed to have almost a full bath in peace. Then I heard shuffling outside the door like he's pacing up and down the hall. Then a quiet "hows your bath going?" "yes fine", a few seconds later hes opening the door I said "hey hold on a minute!" and scooped my towel off the floor before he jammed it under the door. He says "why have you put your towel in front of the door?" then looks around the room for a few seconds before turning the extractor fan on! I said "what are you doing? I'm trying to have some peace and quiet!" he just looked at me confused and shut the door again

I know these examples sound silly but he's literally following me from room to room. Even if I'm just running upstairs quickly to get something, he follows me up. Sometimes I'm literally back at the top of the stairs again waiting to go down and catch him there. I said "I was coming right back!" He waits a few seconds pretending he's doing something then comes back down again.

Last Sunday I snapped and said "ffs it's like having a labrador puppy, you follow me everywhere!" he said "what's wrong with that? aren't we supposed to be together at the weekend?"

Its infuriating! I feel suffocated! Thankfully he works nights so I get some peace in the evenings. Does anyone else have this problem???

So one night he hasn't acted in a creepy stalker way and all is forgotten?

He put the fan on so you wouldnt hear him outside the door

Thats why he said that and walked in as well, he wanted to give the impression hed just walked up to the door but hed been there for ages id imagine and accidentally made a noise

Look up Alice Ruggles.

Are you ok @bringwineplease? Hope so, let us know if you get a chance and want to. No obligation of course but just if you want to

@3rdNamechange

Look up Alice Ruggles.

That poor woman. It's horrendous.

www.alicerugglestrust.org/alices-story

Gosh op, just seen this thread.

He didn't change after counselling, he just got better at hiding it all. That's why joint counselling for abusive relationships is never recommended.

I don't know why you want to be with him. I feel anxious about it just from this thread.

Be careful.

You probably didn't find cameras in the bathroom because he is reading this thread and he moved them.

I'm fine guys, thank you. Almost good as gold again yesterday. Got home from work and went upstairs to get changed- he walks in the room and was just staring at my legs/crotch while I was trying to take my tights off not pervy staring but felt almost scrutinizing? I said Erm.. do you mind??? and he gave me a filthy look and walked out. Silence for 30 seconds then he comes back (waits outside the door this time) and is chatting away about his day, laughing joking same as before.

Impeccable behaviour all night, didn't follow me around once, asked one question about work (asking after the manager who was off sick earlier in the week) and that was it.

Be interesting to see how long he can keep this up for. He's just silently appeared at the top of the stairs while I was sitting on the bottom step typing this.

OP, will you do something as a result of this thread or are you using this as a space to vent?

Your latest update sounds a little sinister, it's troubling.

"Almost good as gold again yesterday."

"Impeccable behaviour all night"

Why do you think this is?

@AnitaHotdog

OP, will you do something as a result of this thread or are you using this as a space to vent?

Your latest update sounds a little sinister, it's troubling.

I would say the latter.

Unfortunately I don't think OP realises the seriousness of the situation she is in and I suspect she thinks we are over reacting. I hope I'm wrong.

This isn't love, this is something else.

Yes I agree the latest update is quite frightening really.

He is so weird (biggest understatement) and the situation is so eery.

@bringwineplease

I'm fine guys, thank you. Almost good as gold again yesterday. Got home from work and went upstairs to get changed- he walks in the room and was just staring at my legs/crotch while I was trying to take my tights off not pervy staring but felt almost scrutinizing? I said Erm.. do you mind??? and he gave me a filthy look and walked out. Silence for 30 seconds then he comes back (waits outside the door this time) and is chatting away about his day, laughing joking same as before.

Impeccable behaviour all night, didn't follow me around once, asked one question about work (asking after the manager who was off sick earlier in the week) and that was it.

Be interesting to see how long he can keep this up for. He's just silently appeared at the top of the stairs while I was sitting on the bottom step typing this.

I can assure you the laughing and joking was fake. He realised he let his guard down a little by giving you a dirty look and faked a conversation pretending everything was fine (when he knew it wasn't).

You do realise he why he was good as gold don't you?

Not that I think the above represents a person being as "good as gold".

OP your posts on here are quite strange in tone - almost like this is a game, that you are in charge of?
I think you really need to consider what if you're not in charge at all, and at least have a back up plan (ie emergency exit strategy with bag packed) just in case.
This whole thread is extremely worrying.

He has absolutely read this thread and is desperately trying to pretend he doesn't stalk you.

This denial and light-hearted recounting of events is a coping mechanism, imo. Deep down she knows something is off, which is why she started the thread in the first place. I imagine she was expecting others to tell her that she was overreacting, that this behaviour is normal, and that she should continue to squash her instincts.

Instead, the stark reality of her situation has been laid bare and she's likely overwhelmed and scared.

I really feel for you, @bringwineplease. You are in a terribly precarious position. Please think about talking to someone in real life, who is separate from your partner (so, not his family), and not over the phone (as he will probably be listening).

Do you not realise how bad this is?
I know it's hard to accept but this is not a normal way to live.

Your responses have a weird tone OP, like you’re treating this all as a joke.

Coping mechanisms aren't weird, they are very, very normal.

He's a freak OP.

By all means dismiss what has been spelt out clearly to you.

This is NOT normal.

Good luck.

Be interesting to see how long he can keep this up for. He's just silently appeared at the top of the stairs while I was sitting on the bottom step typing this

Keep what up. You on the one hand say he is behaving normally but then recount how he is still doing the same thing.

He isn’t keeping anything up. He is just doing the same thing and you seem so oblivious that you say he has stopped whilst describing behaviour that clearly shows he hasn’t.

Best case scenario is he's just being clingy.

Worst case...he's mentally ill and being paranoid and delusional. He clearly thinks you are up to something. This is dangerous. I think you need to take it a bit more seriously.

Have you read the whole thread @BadNomad? This goes well beyond clingy into stalker territory

Lol.

@Bythemillpond

Be interesting to see how long he can keep this up for. He's just silently appeared at the top of the stairs while I was sitting on the bottom step typing this

Keep what up. You on the one hand say he is behaving normally but then recount how he is still doing the same thing.

He isn’t keeping anything up. He is just doing the same thing and you seem so oblivious that you say he has stopped whilst describing behaviour that clearly shows he hasn’t.

This.

I can't decide if the OP is just in deep denial or there something else going on here. It seems hard to believe she could be this oblivious given all the comments above.

If this is real OP I hope you are making moves offline to stay safe and escape.