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Original poster

Unable to contact by boyfriend.

262 replies

Penny15 · 12/01/2021 11:55

Ive been in a long distance relationship for 7 years.

Over the last few weeks I’ve found it incredibly difficult to contact my boyfriend. We arrange times to ring each other so when I try he hasn’t been picking up for hours and hours on end. He had never done this until a few weeks ago. We never text we always call each other a few times throughout the day and talk for a hour at night before I go to sleep.

I’ve been unable to contact my boyfriend since 7.30 last night when he said he was going to sleep. This is highly unlike him as he’s usually up till 2/3am. I tried to call him at 10pm and he answered but didn’t speak then the call disconnected. He said he would ring me when he woke up. I woke up at 7 expecting a missed call and nothing so I tried to call and it’s ringing and ringing no answer. So I had a look on Amazon and he was watching Amazon prime he had watched 4 episodes so I kept trying and no answer. From 10am his activity on Amazon prime has stopped and his phones still ringing and ringing. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I should be worried. I’m not close to his family but I’ve tired contacting his mum and she’s also not answering and I’ve messaged his sister who hasn’t responded but I expected that. Help me...

OP posts:
tigerlily20 · 12/01/2021 14:14

If he's had the time to talk to someone on fb but ignore all your calls and texts then he's shown you how he feels. You're not important. In my case they were talking to other women but couldn't be arsed to talk to their own girlfriend. Please don't be me and try to flog the relationship like a dead horse because it ruined my early to mid 20s and i feel so angry for shortchanging myself at such an exciting age.

Courtney555 · 12/01/2021 14:15

Why is she ringing and ringing? OP is being blanked by her partner of 7 years.

Please don't give her a hard time as if the natural thing to do is text "everything ok?" then calmly relax with a croissant and a good book, serenely flicking through the pages, as you wonder if a seven year relationship has just evaporated Hmm

99% of us would be wanting answers pretty swiftly, and would absolutely have called several times.

vanillandhoney · 12/01/2021 14:16

@katnyps

I disagree with most people on here. I'd like to assume the best in people rather than the worst and with all the promotion of the mens' mental health crisis right now I'd expect people to be a bit more understanding. If it were me I'd drive over to check on him. If he is having a crisis you could help avert that. If he's ignoring you it will put the issue to bed and you can re-evaluate the relationship. After 7 years and being engaged you're there to support each other - not at the stage of "playing hard to get" as some here seem to be suggesting. Hope all is well OP x
Oh come on - he's fine. He's active on social media and happily watching social media. If he wanted to speak to her, he would. He also doesn't live alone - he lives with a parent and has someone around to speak to him and to check up on him.

With all the technology available to us these days, there's no valid reason not to get in touch. The reason he's not answering the phone or getting in touch is because he doesn't want to. Or are we expected to believe that he's well enough to comment on other people's social media but too unwell to answer a call from his fiancée?

RainingBatsAndFrogs · 12/01/2021 14:16

I hope all is well, OP.

I think this thread might have given you more support had you said he has had depression etc in your OP, and that you were concerned for his welfare.

At least you know he is alive, if he is posting on Fb and watching Amazon.

Lots of people 'go to ground' when depressed or stressed, and it isn't necessarily a bad thing.

Flowersinthefireplace · 12/01/2021 14:17

I (usually) commute an hour in and out of work every day - that’s not long distance!!

Brieminewine · 12/01/2021 14:19

Hmm seven years in, you don’t live together, you don’t get along with any of his family, and now he’s ignoring you...I think it’s done with OP.

FilledSoda · 12/01/2021 14:25

Just go and check .
An hour is not long distance though it's just not living together.

vanillandhoney · 12/01/2021 14:25

I will also say, every single time a boyfriend hasn't gotten in touch to the extent that I was worried about them, it's never been because there was anything seriously wrong. Ever.

People who want to get in touch will find a way. Even if his phone was dead, he's clearly got access to social media so he could message you if he wanted to.

I know it's not nice to realise that the person you love can be a dick, but let's be fair - his actions say he's a dick. He arranged to call you, didn't bother, and is now choosing to ignoring you in favour of watching Amazon Prime and messing about on Facebook.

I know it hurts. But please have a think about what kind of person behaves like that.

thepeopleversuswork · 12/01/2021 14:29

It sounds as if he is withdrawing from you. He's clearly OK if he's up watching TV and on Facebook.

You're not going to help yourself by hassling him: if he's well and OK and not responding he's clearly either depressed or withdrawn or he's backing away from you. Frankly I would feel utterly suffocated if someone was bombarding me with calls like this.

Give him space and let him respond to you when he has time. If he has the slightest interest in continuing the relationship he will do. Honestly though he doesn't sound as if he's that committed.

kursaalflyer · 12/01/2021 14:29

Tell him you're worried about him and if he doesn't message you within 15 minutes you're coming over. It sounds like he cba to talk to you. And he must know that you've spent hours trying to contact him. Bet he's kicking himself for the fb message. Twit

Alittlelessthanuseless · 12/01/2021 14:30

I hope there’s a reasonable explanation OP but I think if my DP had been ok to be on social media and watch Amazon but not respond to my calls/messages then I’d be rethinking our relationship. Even if he just wanted some space/wasn’t feeling well, I’d expect after 7 years together that he’d have the decency to inform me!
Hope it’s nothing serious.

B1rthis · 12/01/2021 14:32

If you are concerned about his mental health and that he is at risk to himself and/or others, you should probably contact his GP.
You've exhausted all other avenues with family and online activities so your safest bet is to hand it over to the health service.
You could also ring 101 which is the police and ask them for further advice.

OhCaptain · 12/01/2021 14:34

So you got together when you were children.

You've possibly outgrown each other. An hour isn't long distance so that's not a valid reason for not seeing much of each other.

HelloThereMeHearties · 12/01/2021 14:34

@Penny15

He’s not been him self recently, he’s self employed Gardner and window cleaner so he obviously can’t do gardens right now but he’s not even been going to work to do windows in over a month now, it’s never happened before if I’ve not been able to contact him it’s only ever been for a hour at the longest other than that this has never happened
But he can do gardens right now. And he can clean windows right now.

If you're right about him being depressed, how do you think that driving over there is going to change anything? As he's clearly active online atm.

You can talk on the phone. If he ever picks up...

Putthegasfireon · 12/01/2021 14:41

They've been together 7 years and they're engaged, whether that's long distance or not.

Ignore all the people calling you clingy and saying he's ghosted you and telling you to chill, OP. You don't have to be a 'cool girl' about this. It's not a Tinder date where you've only met two or three times. You're obviously worried about him and I think he's engaging in some downright shitty behaviour. It takes seconds to let you know he's ok. If he really is trying to ghost you, that's downright cruel on his part and I don't blame you for wanting answers either way.

HelloThereMeHearties · 12/01/2021 14:43

@Putthegasfireon

They've been together 7 years and they're engaged, whether that's long distance or not.

Ignore all the people calling you clingy and saying he's ghosted you and telling you to chill, OP. You don't have to be a 'cool girl' about this. It's not a Tinder date where you've only met two or three times. You're obviously worried about him and I think he's engaging in some downright shitty behaviour. It takes seconds to let you know he's ok. If he really is trying to ghost you, that's downright cruel on his part and I don't blame you for wanting answers either way.

But there is a really easy way to get an answer. Text him that she's coming over. Get an immediate response.

Although maybe she's on her way over already...

ApolloandDaphne · 12/01/2021 14:44

OP is obviously worried about her DP. She doesn't need people berating her, she needs some support.

I hope you manage to make contact with him OP and that he is okay.

Branleuse · 12/01/2021 14:50

OP, I hope hes ok. If as you say hes been getting more and more depressed, he may be starting to check out of the relationship too. Might be time to have a big talk about what you both want and whether its time for him to go to the GP for something to help him through this stressful time, before it gets any worse

HelloThereMeHearties · 12/01/2021 14:56

@ApolloandDaphne

OP is obviously worried about her DP. She doesn't need people berating her, she needs some support.

I hope you manage to make contact with him OP and that he is okay.

But people have given her support. Support to see that he's probably checking out of the relationship.

And this has been going on for weeks, according to her earlier post.

Her interpretation is that he's depressed. Ours is that he's cooling off.

sadie9 · 12/01/2021 14:57

Think about your own feelings, stop living in his head and stalking him so much.
Get angry with him for being a prick rather than all worried about his health.
What I see happening is that instead of saying 'that fucking prick is on Facebook but ignoring my calls!' you are saying 'oh diddums has been very depressed that's why he's not calling me'.

He's fucking you about, but you are ignoring the uncomfortable feelings about that and what it might mean, so you start going down the path of he's depressed instead.

oakleaffy · 12/01/2021 15:00

@Penny15
If a bloke doesn’t get back to you, he’s just not that keen.
Long distance relationships are hard at the best of times.
The more keen you are chasing him, the huger his ego will be.
I had a long distance “Relationship “
And he cooled overnight. From lovebombing to silence..
I phoned his friend to see if an accident had happened- landline only phone back then!
Friend said “ He is not what you want “...he us seeing someone up here, too.

It was true.
I was very upset, but knocked it on the head.

vanillandhoney · 12/01/2021 15:03

@ApolloandDaphne

OP is obviously worried about her DP. She doesn't need people berating her, she needs some support.

I hope you manage to make contact with him OP and that he is okay.

Nobody has berated her that I can see. People are just trying to open her eyes - it just doesn't make for pleasant reading.

From personal experience, people who want to get in touch will find a way. This man is active on social media and has been busy watching Amazon. He's clearly alive and well - he's just making an active choice not to speak to his fiancée for whatever reason.

It would take him five seconds to answer the phone, send a text or get in touch via Facebook. Let's be honest - he just can't be arsed.

HelloThereMeHearties · 12/01/2021 15:10

I don't think it's that he "can't be arsed" - I think it's that he doesn't want to.

OP will not want to hear that, but it's obviously been going on for weeks.

Lougle · 12/01/2021 15:11

I hope he's ok, but I hope you are also ok. Have you got supportive family? If he's looking to end your relationship, you'll need someone to talk to.

Deez65 · 12/01/2021 15:14

Long distance relationship for 7 years. That's already way too long. Don't know how often you saw him in these 7 years. Unfortunately sounds as if he has moved on. Definitely stop calling him. If you have lost him you've lost him. If you haven't lost him then he should call you.