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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Unable to contact by boyfriend.

262 replies

Penny15 · 12/01/2021 11:55

Ive been in a long distance relationship for 7 years.

Over the last few weeks I’ve found it incredibly difficult to contact my boyfriend. We arrange times to ring each other so when I try he hasn’t been picking up for hours and hours on end. He had never done this until a few weeks ago. We never text we always call each other a few times throughout the day and talk for a hour at night before I go to sleep.

I’ve been unable to contact my boyfriend since 7.30 last night when he said he was going to sleep. This is highly unlike him as he’s usually up till 2/3am. I tried to call him at 10pm and he answered but didn’t speak then the call disconnected. He said he would ring me when he woke up. I woke up at 7 expecting a missed call and nothing so I tried to call and it’s ringing and ringing no answer. So I had a look on Amazon and he was watching Amazon prime he had watched 4 episodes so I kept trying and no answer. From 10am his activity on Amazon prime has stopped and his phones still ringing and ringing. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I should be worried. I’m not close to his family but I’ve tired contacting his mum and she’s also not answering and I’ve messaged his sister who hasn’t responded but I expected that. Help me...

OP posts:
Penny15 · 12/01/2021 13:19

Yes I am concerned for his welfare I’m worried sick

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 12/01/2021 13:22

It does sound like he’s deliberately ignoring you and has started to do it more and more.

I think that just send him a text saying when you want to talk, let me know. Then leave it there. I’m sorry.

ThisTooShallBe · 12/01/2021 13:24

Yes I would be concerned for his welfare, this must be very hard for you OP. Try taking some time away from your phone then try calling again. If no luck, start rousing his family, friends and neighbours. Good luck 💐

OhCaptain · 12/01/2021 13:25

@Penny15

Yes I am concerned for his welfare I’m worried sick
If you think he has or will harm himself then you need to tell someone to do a welfare check!
Bluntness100 · 12/01/2021 13:26

Op, you’ve his mums contact details, so just text her and say a bit worried not able to get hold of x, just wanted to let you know so you could maybe check all is ok.

Whose idea was buying the house together snd moving in together? Could it be long distance suited him and now he has to commit more he’s withdrawing?

Penny15 · 12/01/2021 13:26

I’m going to give him half a hour longer then I’m going to drive to his house to check he’s ok

OP posts:
Orf1abc · 12/01/2021 13:26

How far away from him do you live?

Penny15 · 12/01/2021 13:26

Only 1 hour I live in Liverpool he lives in bury

OP posts:
BorderlineHappy · 12/01/2021 13:30

Ive been in a long distance relationship for 7 years.

I wouldnt class an hour away long distance.

I dont understand why 1 of you wouldnt move just to get the relationship on the next level.

Seems like a lot of wasted time to me.

HelloThereMeHearties · 12/01/2021 13:30

If he's well enough to be binge-watching Amazon, and commenting on friends' Facebook posts, then I think you have your answer.

Don't drive to him. It's against guidelines. He's fine. His mum isn't responding because she knows he's checking out of the relationship.

Sorry OP, but after seven years of a long distance relationship maybe it's for the best? And you can find someone who actually wants to spend time with you Flowers

HelloThereMeHearties · 12/01/2021 13:31

And, as PPs have said, one hour away really doesn't count as "long distance"! It's more like "can't be bothered".

Penny15 · 12/01/2021 13:31

It’s something we’ve both wanted we haven’t moved in sooner as we decided to stay at home and save up for deposit on a house instead of spending hundreds on rent a month and never being able to afford a house of our own. It’s something we’ve both talked about for a long time

OP posts:
babbaloushka · 12/01/2021 13:34

Drive and check OP

Penny15 · 12/01/2021 13:34

I’m going to I’d rather know he’s safe and we’ll then sit here going out of my mind

OP posts:
HelloThereMeHearties · 12/01/2021 13:34

@babbaloushka

Drive and check OP
No! If he lives at home, surely his mum can monitor him.
SunshineCake · 12/01/2021 13:35

You'd be better off texting him saying if he doesn't reply in the next two hours you will ask the police to do a welfare check. He'll either answer or the police will find him in trouble. Don't drive there.

Orf1abc · 12/01/2021 13:35

Does he live with his family?

joystir59 · 12/01/2021 13:36

Just go to him and stay over a couple of days.

nolovelost · 12/01/2021 13:37

You'll probably get a response if you tell him you're visiting, probably not a decent one though. I would then leave him to it.

HelloThereMeHearties · 12/01/2021 13:37

@joystir59

Just go to him and stay over a couple of days.
Have you heard of this thing called a "pandemic" that's on at the moment?
Penny15 · 12/01/2021 13:37

He lives with his dad his mums a addict but i don’t get along with his dad an have no contact number for him he’s not the caring type he wouldn’t check if he hadn’t seen him in a week

OP posts:
Butterymuffin · 12/01/2021 13:37

Does he live alone? How old are you both?

peak2021 · 12/01/2021 13:37

I agree I'd give him a time to respond such as a couple of hours, or talk to his mum.

HelloThereMeHearties · 12/01/2021 13:37

@nolovelost

You'll probably get a response if you tell him you're visiting, probably not a decent one though. I would then leave him to it.
Yes, if you text him that you're about to come over I guarantee he will respond.
peak2021 · 12/01/2021 13:38

or even a neighbour

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