DP gone home to play Xbox

[coldtapisbroken]

My partner doesn't live with me but spends a fair amount of time here. He's been playing Xbox with my DS8 today (2 TV's in the house). His DS10 joined online at one point and they all played together. After dinner my DS8 asked to go back on and I said no not tonight, he needed a bath etc. DP then said could he go back on (he was using the console in the living room), I said I'd rather he didn't as I'd like to relax and watch TV after cooking a roast dinner, and wind down before bed (he was staying over). DP then said that he wanted to play with his DS online again as he hadn't played with him for long. I said I'd like to watch TV. He said ok, I'll go home and play online with DS there. He picked up his stuff and left straight away. We've had a lovely day together, I made a huge roast dinner, and because I wanted to watch TV instead of watch him play Xbox he's gone home. This may sound like a ridiculous situation but I just want to see if other people think this is normal behaviour? Thanks x

No. You are shacked up with a man-child, as anticipated.

I'd be annoyed if I were you. It sounds like he's spent the day playing games/entertaining children and you've cooked - and then just at the point you could have some adult time together this evening he's decided to go home and play his Xbox.

Him asking you if he could go back on the Xbox also makes you sound like his Mummy. It would probably be making me reconsider the relationship if he's often this childish.

Imo your cafe needs to be less appealing...

The bigger issue is why he thinks his decision is the right one - it isn't for him to permit your DS to do anything. Does he generally compromise and was today a one off?

@Jobsharenightmare

The bigger issue is why he thinks his decision is the right one - it isn't for him to permit your DS to do anything. Does he generally compromise and was today a one off?

I thought he wanted to play with his own DS who presumably lives with his ex?

@mynameiscalypso yes that's right - with his own DS who was at his ex's house.

How old is he?

What had you been doing the rest of the day?

When did he last see/spend time with his DS?

Is this his own DS ?

As someone who's husband is an avid gamer I don't think your being unreasonable at all. It's your house, he's played on it all day, eaten the food you cooked and it didn't occur to him that maybe you would like to chill? At the very least it's rude. Presumably he can arrange to play with his son at a different time. I understand him not playing with him that long but if his son is anything like DS, then they will play together a lot when he's not with you. It also unfair to your child he's not allowed on while the partner is? What does that say to your son? Maybe talk to him and explain your feelings, though personally I would be reconsidering the relationship. DH and I have had issues surrounding his amount of Xbox use and how inheritently boring it is watching him play it. But then if I said I wanted to watch a film, he would just ask what I want to watch. Now he tends to watch me to see what I do. If I read, he plays. Otherwise we watch TV. But it took a lot of talking to get here, and part of why it worked was because DH listened to how I felt and responded accordingly. if yours stormed home because you said no, what does that say about him and the example he's giving your son?

He wants to play on line with his son. Maybe he told him he would. I think I would have done the same in his shoes tbh.

Hang on though.. He was playing with his son who he presumably doesn't live with? He wanted to continue playing WITH HIS SON not just his own game. I think that changes it. My DS plays online with his dad.. Its one of their few points of connection. I think it's fine to say your younger son has had enough but why is your want to watch tv somehow better than his to interact with his son? I'm really not a gaming fan at all but I begrudging acknowledge its an important part of DS's and his dad's relationship.

If my partner said I wasn't to play on my Xbox and I had the option of going to another house to do it, I probably would do that .

It's Sunday evening, time to chill out and probably hone time if he doesn't live at yours!

@HugeAckmansWife

Hang on though.. He was playing with his son who he presumably doesn't live with? He wanted to continue playing WITH HIS SON not just his own game. I think that changes it. My DS plays online with his dad.. Its one of their few points of connection. I think it's fine to say your younger son has had enough but why is your want to watch tv somehow better than his to interact with his son? I'm really not a gaming fan at all but I begrudging acknowledge its an important part of DS's and his dad's relationship.

Yes, I agree with this really. The way he did it is a bit immature but I wouldn't necessarily begrudge him time playing with his own DS who, presumably, won't be up for hours as it is.

Just to answer a few questions,

He hadn't planned to play with his DS. He had played with him earlier today. He sees his DS every 3 days and plays online with him every day.

We're both 30.

He does sound quite immature

Still, if I wanted to do an activity with my child and my DP said no, I would say ok, I will go time then and do it there. You said no to playing in your home so he went home where I could. I don't think he did anything wrong.

Yeah he was probably right to go home tbh - you want to sit watching tv this evening he wants to play with his son. So why not both of you do what you want for the evening? I really don’t see the issue

My husband plays PlayStation several evenings in the week with his son who lives abroad and he hasn’t seen all bloody year!

I really don’t mind at all! But of course we have 2 rooms / 2 TVs so I can still do what I want!

Guess it’s different as he’s staying over with you - and maybe he could have left it for one night! But his son surely should come first sometimes - he spend the whole Day with you and now he’s spending evening with his kid !

I've not read the responses but I think what your DP did was fine - he was having fun playing his Xbox with his son and your son and probably wanted to do that more than watch TV and wind down. Try not to overthink it and enjoy your TV and relaxing tonight

He wanted to play with his son. I don't see the issue.

If it was his house and he wanted to play xbox while you wanted to watch antiques road show, would just sit there watching him play xbox, or would you go back to your own house and do what you wanted to do?

Is it possible here that he just didn’t think what he’s done would upset you?

@Maca07166 I'm too sure to be honest. He had the major hump when he left.

I have to say if someone said I couldn't do something with my child who I didn't live with and only saw every three days I wouldn't be too happy either. I'd be rethinking if I wanted to be with them tbh.

I think the fact that he was going to play with his son makes it completely understandable that he went home (although he could have probably done so in a more mature way).

Imagine the replies on here if this question was framed differently “my ex promised to play with our son tonight, but instead he cancelled to watch tv with his partner” the majority of people in here would criticise him for letting his child down.

Going against the grain, why should the OP have to sit and watch this man playing xbox when he's supposed to be there to spent time with her?

He could play with his son another time, as OP states he does regularly and has joint custody. Not like he never sees his son.

You said you have 2 TVs, why didn’t you watch one and he play Xbox on the other?

Then later when his DS is in bed you could have time together.