DP gone home to play Xbox

[coldtapisbroken]

My partner doesn't live with me but spends a fair amount of time here. He's been playing Xbox with my DS8 today (2 TV's in the house). His DS10 joined online at one point and they all played together. After dinner my DS8 asked to go back on and I said no not tonight, he needed a bath etc. DP then said could he go back on (he was using the console in the living room), I said I'd rather he didn't as I'd like to relax and watch TV after cooking a roast dinner, and wind down before bed (he was staying over). DP then said that he wanted to play with his DS online again as he hadn't played with him for long. I said I'd like to watch TV. He said ok, I'll go home and play online with DS there. He picked up his stuff and left straight away. We've had a lovely day together, I made a huge roast dinner, and because I wanted to watch TV instead of watch him play Xbox he's gone home. This may sound like a ridiculous situation but I just want to see if other people think this is normal behaviour? Thanks x

I hadn't spent the whole day cooking. He'd watched a match on TV in the morning, then played some of his own Xbox game, then me, DP and my DS went for a walk, then he played Xbox online with my DS and also his DS whilst I made a roast dinner. I cleared the kitchen up and just wanted to sit down and watch a bit of TV, he wanted to play more Xbox, which is why he stropped off home and now doesn't appear to currently be talking to me.

OP have you written about this guy before? Is he by any chance the man child who doesn’t contribute to any food but whines about lack of snacks and makes requests of what he would like for you to get? Never cooks but always pops round to yours for food? Never helps with any chores but gets on great with your kids?
I mean if this is the same guy then I’m v sorry you took him back as it sounds he has not changed one bit. Hope he likes the new cat at least.

Man child. Close the cafe.

I think you're stretching that a bit I love Maisie. In fact a lot. Nit sure why and guessing that you and other games feel a bit delicate around this subject.

He sat in her house taking over the sitting room all day and as gaming requires concentration he was ignoring the person he was there to see. It doesn't matter what it was if you go to someone's house and read a book all day but your book means that no one else can watch tv it is BAD MANNERS

And to the pp who suggested she have a nap in her own house not long before going to bed.. for gods sake. And to the one that suggested there's two TVs in the house so why doesn't she watch the other.. it's HER HOUSE.

He wanted to play with his son, and yet posters call him a man child?

@24HoursInPoliceCustody

He wanted to play with his son, and yet posters call him a man child?

He played most the day he plays daily with him and its her house why shouldn't she watch something without him stropping off and refusing to talk to her THATS why he is a manchild the xbox is a red herring the entitlement the mantrum the ignoring is the issue

Sorry OP but you've said a couple of times 'he'd already spend a couple of hours playing with his son on the xbox and sees home every 3 days'. Maybe that's not enough for him. Maybe he enjoys interacting with his child more than that. Maybe he feels guilty he's spending more time with you ds than his own. Maybe he is just worried that's what his son is thinking.

If my partner tried to interfere with the time I spend with my child, I'd tell him where to get off as well. When my child is at his dad's, he still misses me, still wants to interact with me, same as when he's with me, he will have the same about his dad's. What you're saying is, as a parent l, you want him to say no, I'm spending time with someone else now....
That would make him arse hole of the year. If anyone posted that their son was playing xbox online with their dad and loving it. And then dad went of to spend time with his new partner and their child instead, they'd be a Lynch mob.

Perhaps you should split up. If you're not happy about chore sharing or time sharing, then split, but don't try and get him to chose between you and his son

@peak2021

Seems like a man child to me.

Wow he puts his son first and he is a man child, typical Mumsnet

Sorry you could have agreed a compromise where he played with his child a bit longer then had time together though it sounds like you wanted to watch TV and pretty much ignore him anyway so what was the point of him staying around?

@24HoursInPoliceCustody

He wanted to play with his son, and yet posters call him a man child?

No, posters are calling him a man child because he expects OP to wait on him like she's his mum while he gets to do his leisure activity all day at HER house. Playing with his son is a red herring, the fact it's gaming is a red herring. He expects to have all the fun he wants and no obligation to consider her feelings. That's why.

@Wellwhatdouknow

OP have you written about this guy before? Is he by any chance the man child who doesn’t contribute to any food but whines about lack of snacks and makes requests of what he would like for you to get? Never cooks but always pops round to yours for food? Never helps with any chores but gets on great with your kids? I mean if this is the same guy then I’m v sorry you took him back as it sounds he has not changed one bit. Hope he likes the new cat at least.

Whatever happened to that thread. Didn't she get rid and get a black cat instead?

If he's now sulking, OP, let him sulk. Wait till he decides he fancies being waited on again while he watches the match or plays the X box. Then he'll be in touch. You can of course decide you don't want to just wait on him any more.

@wishywashywoowoo70 yep that’s right she got rid and got a lovely black cat. Towards the end the OP kept evading questions on the ex situation which made me think maybe not so ex after all. She kind of just disappeared after a bit as far as I know on that thread. This could be a completely different situation, but something about it just sounds the same to me.

It might be that he wanted to play with his DS more or that he is over invested in gaming but it definitely sounds like you were due a turn of the tv and feet up variety!

I find that once the kids have control of the tv in the day while I do the jobs they assume it’s all theirs! However they are children. DH might do similar but would immediately accommodate me if I pointed it out - and he wouldn’t huff about it.

Op didn’t say he couldn’t play just that she’d like to watch tv on her tv after she’d cooked him a lovely dinner, they’d already played with both ds via x box that day no doubt whilst op cooked for him. Did he help you or do the dishes op? Or just slope off to do what he wanted? I bloody hate games consoles and not a hope that someone would attach one to my tv in my living room who wants to watch people playing video games in their living room.

You don't sound as if you like him much OP and you clearly are cross about his behaviour. Perhaps, it is time to end things and look for someone whose perfect day is a roast dinner followed by sitting on the sofa, watching TV. Absolutely nothing wrong with that but it might not be to everyone's taste.

If you have 2 TV's then what's the problem here???

Is he 14? How deeply unattractive

I think people think your interfering with him interacting with his child and not taking the point that if he had given you a kiss and said OK see you later you wouldn't be upset its the stroppy behaviour that is awful here your not saying no your not playing with your son your saying you would quite like to sit and relax yourself for a bit if you lived together would you be expected to never watch TV because he must game and your kids are using the other one? When is your time? in the kitchen? Tidying up?

Give and take in a relationship he took and booked

@Theunamedcat Thank you - that's exactly what my issue is!

I would find this behavior really rude and insulting, he was happy to game all day whilst visiting his partner and eat the nice dinner she made. But as soon as she wants to chill out together and watch tv, he clears off home because he wants to keep gaming. Let him sulk, he needs to be more of a grown up.

"We've been together 2.5 years and yes he can be a bit of a sulker".

You do realise that sulking is actually a form of emotional abuse. Now he's sulking yet again unsurprisingly. When someone shows you who they are, it pays for you to believe them. He won't change, this is who he really is. Now you can probably see why his last relationship ended.

Are you really so desperate for a man, any man and or not to be "alone"/"on your own", that you will continue to put up with his emotional abuse of you?.

You are now 30 years of age; what did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?. And why is your relationship bar this low that this male specimen has been in your life at all, let alone the last 2.5 years?. What example is he to your own son?. Indeed it is better to be on your own than to be so badly accompanied. You are really with an emotionally abusive manchild who sees you as a soft touch. He has no real respect for you whatsoever.

And he is not even 9.5% great to you here let alone he being supposedly "great" 95% of the time. How did you arrive at such a figure anyway because its wrong.

The only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is none. This relationship is over really but you have not ended it; why?. Out of fear of being alone/on your own?. You're still getting something out of this relationship although goodness alone knows what. Do you like being a mother figure to him as well, when has he ever cooked you a roast dinner and or allowed you to put your own feet up?.

Maybe he shouldn't have stropped off home but the fact he seemed to be halfway through a game with the children (her son and his son) I don't think it's that much of an issue that they wanted to carry on the game after dinner.
Perhaps he thought "oh here we go again her moaning about the Xbox" when her own son has an Xbox. What age should her son give up his Xbox? 18? 21?
Some adults enjoy carrying on with hobbies and interests they started as a child. Why is this such an issue when it now seems they did spend a lot of time together that day but he just didn't want to - shock horror - watch the telly !

@SuperlativeScrubs

If you have 2 TV's then what's the problem here???

Because the other one is her DD’s