DP gone home to play Xbox

[coldtapisbroken]

My partner doesn't live with me but spends a fair amount of time here. He's been playing Xbox with my DS8 today (2 TV's in the house). His DS10 joined online at one point and they all played together. After dinner my DS8 asked to go back on and I said no not tonight, he needed a bath etc. DP then said could he go back on (he was using the console in the living room), I said I'd rather he didn't as I'd like to relax and watch TV after cooking a roast dinner, and wind down before bed (he was staying over). DP then said that he wanted to play with his DS online again as he hadn't played with him for long. I said I'd like to watch TV. He said ok, I'll go home and play online with DS there. He picked up his stuff and left straight away. We've had a lovely day together, I made a huge roast dinner, and because I wanted to watch TV instead of watch him play Xbox he's gone home. This may sound like a ridiculous situation but I just want to see if other people think this is normal behaviour? Thanks x

Oh. Grr! Me who should pay attention

A sulker

If his son had been with him at your house and they wanted to play chess together or build Airfix or something instead of watching TV with you would that have been ok? Or if this was summer and him and his son went out to kick a football around? Or is it just because it's Xbox? Why is Mumsnet so anti Xbox? (Yet all their sons seem to own Xboxes from the age of 8)

@Heyahun

Totally agree *@coldtapisbroken*

I bloody hate tv and rarely watch it. But play PlayStation a few evenings a week !

How is watching television a fine activity but gaming is childish 😂

I never understand this

Gaming is also expensive games cost millions to make more than what most films cost to make.

The idea that gaming is for children is out dated by about 20 years.

At least gaming requires you to think and solve problems.

When I sit down to watch TV, I'm often on MN or social media, or doing other internet based stuff as well as having the TV on. In a situation like that in my house (where's there's only 1 TV in the lounge) if DP wanted to game then unless there was something specific I wanted to watch, I'd be fine with it because I'm not really watching the TV it's just on.

I guess if there was something specific OP wanted to watch that's maybe different.

I think possibly op just wanted to relax in her own home after doing all the cooking !
I don't think it's about the Xbox, it's could of been anything but if the family aren't all partaking then people get left out, maybe Xbox isn't the way she wants to relax and maybe she would of liked to spend time with her partner and when he doesn't want to spend any quality time with her then it gets selfish, relationships detach, both have to compromise, he had already played on it during the day but didn't care for spending time with his partner in the evening and just went home.

Totally @Maca07166! And gaming is a bit more social as you may actually play with a friend or something!

My husband and I will often play a game together together for the evening (actually we are about to now in a few mins) we are much more engaged with each other - trying to figure out what we need to do/where we need to go next etc - much more social than if we sat quietly watching a tv show

@Heyahun

Totally *@Maca07166*! And gaming is a bit more social as you may actually play with a friend or something!

My husband and I will often play a game together together for the evening (actually we are about to now in a few mins) we are much more engaged with each other - trying to figure out what we need to do/where we need to go next etc - much more social than if we sat quietly watching a tv show

You mean you actually communicate? Talk? Have a laugh? On a computer game?

Truly shocking 😂

Hahah I know right ! We are such children just sitting here playing our game having fun together

EXbox. Clue is in the name.

EXbox. Clue is in the name

quote of the day

Rude. He thinks you're good enough to serve him by cooking (not one meal but two) for his delectation, but as soon as you express a wish that threatens his manly zone (ironically YOUR living room but what he considers HIS gaming zone) he puts you in your place by storming off without a word of thanks. Consider yourself punished.

If my partner turned up while I was cooking dinner for us both, ate it and then went home without so much as a "Thanks for that", I would be a bit miffed ! Especially if the plan was to spend the evening together. Did he help with buying the dinner, preparing the dinner, washing up ?

@Nobodysplusone No he didn't buy the dinner, help prepare (he was playing Xbox with his DS online whilst I was doing this) and he didn't help clear up (he stormed off home whilst I was tidying the kitchen).

Your house your rules. Watching tv and gaming are nothing the same - if he was playing a game on his phone while sitting next to you and watching tv then it's fine. Instead people here expect you to cook in your house and then sit there like a fucking lemon in your own sitting room unable to do the thing you want to - watch telly - because he's using it for something that does not in any way involve you.

Perhaps you should bring him a selection of snacks - it will keep you busy as you can't watch tv. If someone say around in my home and I'd cooked for them there is no fucking way they would be commandeering my tv snd stopping me from watching it.

And undermining your parenting to boot. I would give him the cold shoulder for a bit and dial back the domestic goddess behaviour. Let him order and pay for a nice (as in decent Italian) takeaway. And if he wants to game he does it at his.

I mean does he actually think you want to sit there watching him do this? It's hardly fascinating for an onlooker is it? Especially when it takes over your sitting room. These men are very boring unless you are a gamer too - I'd phase him out personally

It’s odd that he would choose to do this rather than stay and presumably have sex with you. Or is that part of the problem?

I am assuming you were expecting to just chill in front of the tv and just chat with someone who gives a shit. That's what I would expect. Not someone staring at a screen grunting in your direction now and again without taking their eyes off the screen. You are not expecting too much in my opinion.

Is the lack of pitching in, sulking, stropping and storming a new thing? How long have you been together?

Does he make you happy, feel supported and add positives to your life? He sounds like hard work.

@AnneLovesGilbert we've been together 2.5 years and yes he can be a bit of a sulker. He's sulking right now!

To pp
There is a big difference from paying computer games every chance you get or watching Tv all day,

Then getting stuff done, cooking, work or cleaning etc and then watching TV or playing computer games.

Also this man was at his dp's home, he had already played, he used his ds as the reason- hoping that would guilt trip her to agree. Then when it didn't he left.

Watching a film together or watching someone play a game?...

@coldtapisbroken you have a selfish manipulative dp on your hands. This I believe isn't the first time you've seen how ungrateful he is.

Life is short OP. Would life be easier or harder if you didn’t have the sulker in it?

@AnneLovesGilbert 95% of the time he's great to be around but the sulking and silence is just awful.

Your house your rules.

How do people think this attitude is in anyway respectful or conducive to a decent adult relationship? Any person who said that to me would be dumped on the spot.

Having read your updates I can see why you're irritated. I wonder if he just really wanted to spend a little more time with his child though and didn't like being told he couldn't. I'd be angry too, however as I said I can see why you're irritated and maybe it's something you just need to communicate about because I can genuinely see both sides.

@HmmSureJan Communication isn't his strong point - I'm now being ignored.

I wouldn't worry about it, let him do what he wants, you had already spent some nice time together right? He's being a man child
I'd kick back with a nice face mask and remember you don't need a man to make you happy

Also I wouldn't cook him dinner again, let him cook something for you.