DP gone home to play Xbox

[coldtapisbroken]

My partner doesn't live with me but spends a fair amount of time here. He's been playing Xbox with my DS8 today (2 TV's in the house). His DS10 joined online at one point and they all played together. After dinner my DS8 asked to go back on and I said no not tonight, he needed a bath etc. DP then said could he go back on (he was using the console in the living room), I said I'd rather he didn't as I'd like to relax and watch TV after cooking a roast dinner, and wind down before bed (he was staying over). DP then said that he wanted to play with his DS online again as he hadn't played with him for long. I said I'd like to watch TV. He said ok, I'll go home and play online with DS there. He picked up his stuff and left straight away. We've had a lovely day together, I made a huge roast dinner, and because I wanted to watch TV instead of watch him play Xbox he's gone home. This may sound like a ridiculous situation but I just want to see if other people think this is normal behaviour? Thanks x

[quote coldtapisbroken]@Maca07166 I'm too sure to be honest. He had the major hump when he left. [/quote]
Does he often get the hump after his gets what he wants from you OP? He spends the day gaming in your house, then left after having a roast you cooked, what is the difference between him and a friend of your DC that hangs about until after dinner? What time do you spend as a couple that doesn't involve you cooking or picking up after him? How often does he spend his Sunday catering to you?

I wouldn't be happy about it. If he's visiting you then he's visiting you. He's had time playing with both boys in the Xbox. It should be adult time now.

Your 30yr old DP is going on 13yrs. What child, and a selfish one at that

@Tinty The other one belongs to my DD, who had been out in the day but was back home by then.

The answer to this is a second TV/ protector. That's what DP has at his house, means I can watch TV and he can game at the same time. He never watches TV, he'll watch a film if there's something good on Amazon Prime/ Netflix but TV bores him, I don't game but I'm happy that we can respect each others likes and dislikes.

I think the idea that he somehow 'owes' the OP an evening because she's cooked dinner is quite odd and entitled. If he'd cooked dinner would that mean he got to choose? I suspect people in that situation would still be saying he should just watch TV.

Unfortunately there's such an outdated view on MN that gaming is 'for children' that any question like this always brings out the ugh gaming it's so childish responses

A grown up would have said
"Sorry DS games finished for now, we can make it up tomorrow and play an extra hour"
Not strop off home to his joy stick.

Also, I can't stand grown men who prioritize computer games. Screams manchild in all areas.

I think he wanted to prioritise time with his DS (albeit online), over watching TV. I can completely understand that.

Is he a manchild in all areas OP?

Does a grown man want to play Xbox with a 8 & 10 year old all day....well I guess this one does.

(I think 'spending time playing online with his DS' is a red herring...it's the gaming he wanted) I would find this very unattractive and off putting.

Also, I can't stand grown men who prioritize computer games. Screams manchild in all areas.

Is he OP? Generally, is he a manchild?

It's just not that deep, is it? I don't think either of you is WRONG here, you just have different opinions on something. He wanted to play xbox with his son. Nothing inherently wrong with that. Of course, if you feel he prioritises other things too much over his relationship with you, then you have a problem.

I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who tries to tell me when I should and shouldn't do things I want to do. At the same time I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who ALWAYS chooses their hobby over me. Either way, if I was unhappy about it long-term (i.e. it was more than a one-off), I'd just end it.

Seems like a man child to me.

People on here call men childish and say they are wasting their time gaming - as if spending the evening on mums net is a better use of time 😂😂😂😂

I think the term manchild is so misandrist and patronising when applied to gaming. Why is watching mindless shit on TV a grown up activity and acceptable activity yet gaming is childish?

This specific incident wouldn't bother me - you wanting to watch TV is understandable, as is him wanting to play xbox with his DS. Sounds like him going home was a good compromise?

However, dating a 30 year old man who plays xbox every day would do my nut in.

Yeah there are a lot of preconceptions behind the answers just because it's xbox, when the activity itself shouldn't really matter. What if the guy had been doing exercise with his son all day and wanted to do more? Or studying astrophysics with him and wanted to do more? Or weaving baskets??

Doesn't matter what it was. If it's not just a one-off and you feel like there is an ongoing problem of him choosing other things with you, then you need to speak to him about it and reassess the relationship.

Remember there are always two perspectives and both are valid. A relationship has problems if you think you aren't getting enough time/attention from your partner, but equally it has problems if you think your partner is demanding time from you that you would rather spend on something else. What's important is that you have similar ideas on how your time is shared. If you don't and can't come to compromises that make you both happy, then maybe it's time to move on.

@Grenlei

I think the term manchild is so misandrist and patronising when applied to gaming. Why is watching mindless shit on TV a grown up activity and acceptable activity yet gaming is childish?

Yeah it's just silly really. We're told watching tv every day is fine but playing a videogame every day is not. When they're more or less the same thing.

But to side with some other posters here those calling men for playing games man children.

What’s the difference between playing a game and spending hours flicking through social media or watching the newest shitty reality show?

I think the issue is that he'd already played a few hours of Xbox today, some of it with my DS, some of it on his own. He'd also played with his own DS online. He sees his DS every few days, and plays online with him for about 2 hours every day he doesn't see him. Today I'd made lunch, cooked a roast dinner, and then he immediately went home when I mentioned that I'd really like to just watch a little bit of TV as I was tired. If we lived together then it would be different but we don't!

Why is watching TV or being on mumsnet ok but playing a game isn't?

Another silly MN rule.
XBox = Manchild
Watching TV = absolutely 💯 allowed and grown up.

I agree with Yvanka

How long have you known him? Is this him showing you who he is?

Pay attention
This is a duller, a huffer, a silent treatment practioner

Practitioner

Totally agree @coldtapisbroken

I bloody hate tv and rarely watch it. But play PlayStation a few evenings a week !

How is watching television a fine activity but gaming is childish 😂

I never understand this

@yvanka Yes possibly a compromise, but if that was the case then why did he go home in a huff instead of giving me a kiss and saying I'll see you soon?