DP gone home to play Xbox

[coldtapisbroken]

My partner doesn't live with me but spends a fair amount of time here. He's been playing Xbox with my DS8 today (2 TV's in the house). His DS10 joined online at one point and they all played together. After dinner my DS8 asked to go back on and I said no not tonight, he needed a bath etc. DP then said could he go back on (he was using the console in the living room), I said I'd rather he didn't as I'd like to relax and watch TV after cooking a roast dinner, and wind down before bed (he was staying over). DP then said that he wanted to play with his DS online again as he hadn't played with him for long. I said I'd like to watch TV. He said ok, I'll go home and play online with DS there. He picked up his stuff and left straight away. We've had a lovely day together, I made a huge roast dinner, and because I wanted to watch TV instead of watch him play Xbox he's gone home. This may sound like a ridiculous situation but I just want to see if other people think this is normal behaviour? Thanks x

It is awful. And you don’t deserve it. No one does

Sorry but if I'd spent the day preparing food, cooking it and cleaning up afterwards, then I'd be watching TV in my own house if I wanted to. He's been on it all day, enough is enough.

If he doesn't like it, then tough. I'd think twice about inviting him round again, and definitely wouldn't be cooking for him again until he apologised for being a sulky bastard.

He's using you for food / hot meals.

[quote coldtapisbroken]@HmmSureJan Communication isn't his strong point - I'm now being ignored. [/quote]
Can't abide a sulker

I’d view it from the eyes of his ten year old son. He knows is dad is in the house of another child playing Xbox with him. That would make me sad as a 10 year but old.

Your dp wanted to play xbox, his ds did and your ds did. I think I would have just let them get on with it while i napped.

I think this is a definite two sides to the story situation- from your DPs POV-he spent the day playing Xbox with his partners kids and his own son was online playing too - he wanted to spend some time in the evening playing with his son, there isn’t anything wrong with that, and his child absolutely should be his priority.

And some of you are real martyrs! OP didn’t cook a meal for just for her DP, if he hadn’t been there the meal would still have been cooked for OP and her kids so i really can’t understand all the drama around the OP making a meal.

But sulking is never good.

Anyway that’s my bit of fence sitting done !

Tell him that next weekend he can cook you lunch and dinner while you sit watching TV all afternoon.

Why do you want to be with a sulker? I would not find that at all attractive.

Does he do his share of cooking? Do you spend time at his house too?!

@Grenlei

I think the term manchild is so misandrist and patronising when applied to gaming. Why is watching mindless shit on TV a grown up activity and acceptable activity yet gaming is childish?

This,absolutely.

@PaigeMatthews He spends more time at mine than I do at his as I have my children a lot of the time. No he doesn't cook for me, ever.

Watching someone play mindless shit is even more mindless.

...than watching mindless TV.

I don't think anyone was ever suggesting OP would have to sit and watch him play!

You've just said he spent all day with you and your ds, he then wanted to spend time with his own child. You wouldn't allow that so he went home to play. Why didn't you just watch TV in another room of you have 2 tvs?
On another note, why did you make a HUGE roast for 3 people, and why does the size of the dinner matter?

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion

You've just said he spent all day with you and your ds, he then wanted to spend time with his own child. You wouldn't allow that so he went home to play. Why didn't you just watch TV in another room of you have 2 tvs? On another note, why did you make a HUGE roast for 3 people, and why does the size of the dinner matter?

Because chicken nuggets and chips takes minutes to cook

I’d find that really rude.

OP, I’d start looking for new partner if I were you.

I think it's best to start distancing yourself and finding someone new. He sounds like he just wants everything done for him so he can play online all day. He sees his son lots and had already played with him online for a while.

The sulking and ignoring are red flags to me, if he doesn't get his way he tries to control it by making you feel bad m.

You've just said he spent all day with you and your ds, he then wanted to spend time with his own child. You wouldn't allow that so he went home to play. Why didn't you just watch TV in another room of you have 2 tvs?

I agree with this, I don't think he did anything horribly wrong.

He sounds like a teenager which is very unappealing in a grown man. Plus you seem to have been cast in the role of mummy. It might give you the ick eventually.

There is some information missing.. what else did he do at yours. Apart from eating was he on x box all day?

I would object to someone coming to my house just to play x box and eat my food which us how I read it .

So let me get this clear.
He sat at yours all day playing xbox games without you, while you cooked. He never cooks for you. You then did all the tidying up. He then stropped off home because you wanted to spend some chill out time together but he wanted to sit more on the Xbox at YOUR house with his kid who lives somewhere else.

FFS NO!

You basically just hosted a play date for your son. The way he’s behaved is exactly how things go when my kid has one of his friends over for a gaming session and I cook them tea.

It’s not ok. You’re being used and taken for granted. You aren’t wrong for wanting to spend some quality time together. He’s at your house for a date with YOU not his kid who lives somewhere else. Come on. This is shitty behaviour from him. He’s training you. That’s what the sulking and silence is. It’s not fun or good enough. You’re 30! Date somebody who wants to be with you. Is this why his previous relationship ended?

Plus have you ever heard the saying “it’s better to be alone than to be badly accompanied”

Maybe he spent the day playing Xbox (with both her and his sons) was because he was bored as she spent the whole day in the kitchen cooking? I wonder if he cared that much if the food was a 'huge roast dinner' or would he maybe preferred that the day was spent doing something interesting with his girlfriend and food was something like a pizza. He came round to spend time with her and found she decided to spend the day cooking a boring roast dinner. What was he meant to do - stand at the kitchen door and watch her cook?

It just gets worse.

You can do better than this manchild, OP.