He wont have sex with me

[ZoeRe]

I am a 28 years old virgin, my boyfriend is not and he is also 28. We have been dating for 2 years, at the begining of our relationship he was much more interested in sex but I was not ready, we do have somo touching and oral experiences but not very often. I told him I want to do it and we talked about it, got tested, I started taking the pill, and even got lingerie, but he wont do it and I have asked several times if he wants it, he says yes but never acts on it and now he says he does not know when it will happen. Whats wrong with me? I am acting undesirible? Is he cheating?

Have you not had sex for religious reasons? Could he be wanting to wait for marriage?

If he doesn’t want to you can’t force him. Doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you, he may just not want too but doesn’t know how to tell you.

If it means that much to you dump him and try again with someone else.

Nothing is wrong with you - just for some reason of his own he doesn't want to have sex, perhaps he has performance or anxiety issues of his own.

I think you need to decide if you can put up with his long term or not (some people could, most couldn't) - then you can sit him down and say you need to work together to find a solution.

Is that the only conversation you’ve had about it?
‘Do you want to?’
‘Yes.... I don’t know when’
You need to really talk about your relationship. How regularly are you intimate, cuddling, kissing, touching? Do you do everything except for sex?
From what you’ve vaguely said it’s sounds like you’re close friends

Is he gay and using you as a beard?

If you're not having sex after 2 years, you need to force a conversation on why not... Is he religious, or doesn't want sex before marriage? Does he hate sex? No one can answer this but him.

None of this on you or because of you. However, if someone doesn't want to have sex with you, and cannot explain why, and you do want to have sex - then you are just not compatible.

If he's not had sex with you in 2 years, I doubt it's you that is the issue, he would of have left by now if he was interested in sex, so I'd guess that he's just not that way inclined, and maybe he chose you because you weren't going to push him as much as someone else would of. Whether that is because he is gay or asexual or getting it elsewhere, only he knows, but that's not to do with you. Not ready at 26, but ready at 28, smacks of someone who is desperate to try it to keep her man now she feels there's a void growing. Its never a good reason to do it, your best bet is to end this situationship and sleep with someone you do want to be with from the off, rather than taking so long to get there. Unless you feel you want to wait until marriage and want to find a person of the same belief.

I thought about the religious reasons, but he has done it before so it makes me think it is just with me he does not want to.

I dont want to dump him, I love him and our relationship is great, I just wonder why he is not interested in me sexually.

Madonna/whore syndrome? Porn addiction? Gay? Asexual? You really need to talk to him. Don't throw away the best years of your life if he isn't prepared to even discuss it maturely

My guess is he is a virgin too and lied about having had sex before.

I think that too cindy

Sex is important to me and I would leave that relationship.

Hold on, if I am correct at the start of the relationship you werent ready for sex and he respected that and continued being with you , now you are ready he is supposed to just do it?
The fact that he may not ready means that he is cheating??
Can I assume that the real reason you didnt have sex with him is because you were cheating?? I dont understand your thought process in this at all.
You need to openly communicate your needs and listen to his.
You asked him to respect your position on sex and he did, the least you can do is do the same for him too.

Is it religious reasons or not? Will you get married?

You are right, he respected me before and yes I want to respect him as well. My concern is that I do not know or understand why is he holding back. When I was not ready I explained my reasons and we went from there. Why would he be ready then but not now? Why can he just tell me whats going on? I have asked and he just says he wants to but nothing more... I think of the possibility of cheating because he was once very interested in doing it and now is all the opposite so what if he went to get it elsewhere when I said I was not ready?

And believe me, I have tried many times to have a conversation about it and I never get answers...

What's the Maddona/whore syndrome?

Do you think it might be because of the pressure of it being your first time? Lots of people have a very romanticised vision on what their first time will be like. With you being a virgin and him not having had sex for at least 2 years he may be feeling performance anxiety. You need to both sit down and have an honest and open talk.

I agree, thank you. We do need to talk about it but even though I try to I never seem to get answers.. do you think I am not approaching it well, how should I do it? Or should I just let it go and wait fof him to ask me or do something?

I imagine after two years he's stopped viewing you sexually. When you have to suppress sexual feelings for someone they can go away permanently.

I constantly bring up the subject and ask him what he would like and expect a reaction but is not working... do you think I should just stop pushing it and let it go?

So what does this means?? He wont EVER want me?? Is not like we don't anything... we do have intimacy but we haven't quite done vaginal penetration... but is not like he has had to suppress sexual feelings completly... ?

Do you get naked together? Sexual touching? Does he get an erection? Is it just PiV that you don't do yet?

leave him

Yes we do get naked together, he gets erections and even eyaculted before... we do touching and oral sex... is just PiV we haven't done yet.