He wont have sex with me

[ZoeRe]

I am a 28 years old virgin, my boyfriend is not and he is also 28. We have been dating for 2 years, at the begining of our relationship he was much more interested in sex but I was not ready, we do have somo touching and oral experiences but not very often. I told him I want to do it and we talked about it, got tested, I started taking the pill, and even got lingerie, but he wont do it and I have asked several times if he wants it, he says yes but never acts on it and now he says he does not know when it will happen. Whats wrong with me? I am acting undesirible? Is he cheating?

Have you thought of trying to... sorry dont want yo get banned or be crude but have you considered trying to put his erection inside of you and see how he reacts?

If he pulls away or says no theres your answer.

Oh...ok so don't worry too much. You are having sex already just not the PiV part
How about asking him in the heat of the moment as it were?

Have you tried doing what you normally do when he has an erection and then just instigate it without having a big conversation about it? As in let it happen organically? If he then backs away and won't talk to you I would leave him as he is possibly gay or has intimacy issues.

He's hardly likely to be gay if they are being sexually intimate regularly

I also wondered about whether he's a virgin from the PiV sense. I only wondered due to my own experience - I fancied the pants off a colleague in my late teens, he made it clear that he fancied me too but was always talking about his sexual experiences with other girls which made me feel intimidated as I hadn't had any experience so I never responded to his advances. I then lost my virginity in my mid-twenties, moved back to my hometown and just happened to reconnect with my colleague. We started dating and after a few months it became very obvious that he was scared of anything beyond what you've described that you've done with your DP and it transpired that he hadn't lost his virginity. He said that he'd said that he had as he thought that made him seem more desirable to women. Could this be a similar situation at your end OP? In any event, a calm and honest conversation with your partner can only help in my humble opinion x

Next time you get intimate, jump him? If he won’t then it will either start a proper conversation or you will know it’s not going to change

I don't think he is gay... so you guys think I should wait for the next time we are having some intimacy to "jump him"? So, what will it mean if he says no? He does not like me sexually and that's it?

Yeah, don't talk about it any more, just start having sex with him. Obvs if he stops you then you stop, but he might not, then its done.

I really wouldn't let yourself get worked up. Just be honest with him. Tell him that you are worried that he doesn't fancy you anymore and how you are feeling but reassure him that if he isn't ready that is absolutely OK and you will respect that as he respected you when you weren't ready. Ask him if it is the pressure of it being first time, if he would like it to be a planned event or something more natural and spontaneous when you are being intimate as previously. Make sure you broach the subject when you are both relaxed and not doing something else. If he says he isn't ready reassure him that is OK and you'll take it off the table for now but maybe talk about boundaries i.e if you would be open to an intimate moment to go further or if it is something you need to be prepared for. Also try and keep it upbeat and positive.

Well I guess there is a chance that he told me he was active to seem more desirable or interesting... however I did find unused and expired condoms once... I don't know... he said he had different experiences 3 years ago when he was living in Spain and that is why he got tested... it would be to much of an elborated story to even get tested if had not done it before

Give him a birthday blow job , he’ll get the idea from there. Works every time.

He might just feel under a lot of pressure if this is your first time and with such a huge lead up and expectation in the air.

He's probably terrified he's going to give you a shit experience.

Maybe he had a bad experience previously?

Don't 'jump' him. That would be awful. You need to check that he's willing before initiating penetrative sex - after 2 years of not doing it you can't just assume he will consent to that.

I’d be very suspicious of a man with a naked willing woman in his bed saying no to piv sex.

It’s not normal is it?.

You found unused condoms so old they had expired and when he "had sex" before it was in another country so with someone you can/have/will never meet and be able to verify it...

He's a virgin hun.

You asked if he wants to have sex, he said yes. Next time he has a hard on with you, get on it. So to speak. You'll both be so relieved once the first time is done. At 28 its probably really built up so much for both of you, keeping on talking about it is probably making it worse. Just do.

@Fluffycloudland77

I’d be very suspicious of a man with a naked willing woman in his bed saying no to piv sex.

It’s not normal is it?.

... not every man is the same. My partner often isn't in the mood and he's very normal. Not every bloke is sex mad.

May be because you didn't want to have sex for 2 years it has built into something enormous. Too much pressure or you've killed it for him.

It's absolutely fine to not want sex for two years but it is quite unusual. It's a long time for someone to wait for it when in a loving relationship.

You are also doing some very intimate sexual things which is then unusual for you not to want intercourse and then him to not want to.

I feel there is more to this. You are not communicating well with each other.

To be in an equal loving relationship you need to be able to talk about everything and understand the other's point of view. Always respect choices but understand those choices each other want.

I think he’s a virgin too, I remember one of dhs younger colleagues not taking the chance because he didn’t know what to do.

You can’t go on like this though, it’s not unreasonable to want sex with your partner.

We can theorise and pontificate but there’s only one person who can answer your question and he’s not talking.

Given his willingness to do everything but ... suggests that the issue is his and not yours. He might not be a virgin but that doesn’t make him experienced.

His sexual hang ups aren’t going anywhere anytime soon.

It boils down to is PIV a dealbreaker or not? Only you can decide but repeatedly initiating and being rejected, is going to get old (if it already hasn’t) PDQ.

He could be gay ...want a GF to distract from that ...and using your virginity as a good excuse not to have sex with a women ...?

I don't think he is gay... no way.. I guess I will give it one more try to ask him and if it does not work I'll just move on from it, I will tell him I feel he is not into me sexually and if that is the case or if there is something else he is not telling me.

He is a virgin and/or gay. When you do other stuff does he orgasm?

Some gay men can cope with hand and mouth stuff with women but not go to full piv