Argument on NYE

[usersixx]

So last night DH cooked a Chinese whilst I put the DC to bed. Earlier in the day I'd bought a big bag of prawn crackers from the shop to go with the meal.

Anyway I came downstairs really looking forward to the food, only to find that DH had demolished the entire packet of prawn crackers whilst cooking.

I asked him what the hell he was playing at? and told him he was greedy and thoughtless, to which he then started ranting on about how he'd only had a few, that he was hungry whilst cooking, that he hadn't realised the bag was empty etc etc - this is his usual behaviour btw, whenever he does something wrong he just denies and justifies. Never apologises.

Anyway I just came up to bed at about 9.30pm as I couldn't bare to be around him. He eventually apologised at 11.55pm and said Happy New Yr!

He has form for this type of greedy behaviour as well as never being able to own up to his fuck ups (well he does, but hours later). I'm just so fucking fed up with him today (generally)

People get wound up about the most trivial of things. It's really not a big deal and not worth fighting over. Why would you get so angry about something so minor? Even if it happens in a regular basis - so what? It's just food. It's not a big deal

@XelaM

People get wound up about the most trivial of things. It's really not a big deal and not worth fighting over. Why would you get so angry about something so minor? Even if it happens in a regular basis - so what? It's just food. It's not a big deal

It's not though. It never is. It's the principle of the thing. His selfishness leaving none for her, and entitlement eating her gifts. It's his way of saying "you don't matter to me".

It would be mad to get worked up about one bag of prawn crisps - but that's not the case. Usually by the time these things make mumsnet it's being going on for a while and there's lots of little things. The little things do add up and letting someone just walk all over you brings pretty unpleasant results.

Hopefully the argument will have got through and he will think next time. Or perhaps the op will have to start using up/eating his stuff. Because that's the only way some people can empathise, when it happens to them. It's not tit for tat it's teaching someone manners. Because this is pretty basic stuff really. I got taught it that's for sure. As did my friends and family.

@XelaM

People get wound up about the most trivial of things. It's really not a big deal and not worth fighting over. Why would you get so angry about something so minor? Even if it happens in a regular basis - so what? It's just food. It's not a big deal

Agree. The thing is to some folks it is a big deal. You can see from the responses on here. Anyone eating their share of the food and it’s a major crime. Everyone is different. For some folks food, and having their share, is a very serious thing. And if anyone dares to eat what they wanted or was theirs it’s enough to end a relationship.

Yeh to me manners is a big deal, like a basic cornerstone of being a decent person. If you're sharing a meal, you well, share. You don't gobble stuff up whilst your eating partner is out of the room like some greedy troll. That behaviour is just about understandable for a badly training naughty dog but you'd hope adult humans could handle the responsibility of not being selfish arseholes.

That's what we teach our children still isn't it? Sharing? Or is that old hat now.

I'm gutted Bluntness I've always thought we were kindred spirits on here!! But we've parted company on this one

I never really understand these posts. What if he ate the whole meal too. What if he stabbed the next door neighbour, what if he called you a bitch whilst eating them, what if he stripped naked and salsad down the street. What if. Who cares, he didn’t do that. He ate the prawn crackers. That’s it,

Quite easy to understand, he gobbled part of the meal, the prawn crackers were to be eaten with the Chinese meal. Your other analogies make no sense at all.

@Gilda152

Yeh to me manners is a big deal, like a basic cornerstone of being a decent person. If you're sharing a meal, you well, share. You don't gobble stuff up whilst your eating partner is out of the room like some greedy troll. That behaviour is just about understandable for a badly training naughty dog but you'd hope adult humans could handle the responsibility of not being selfish arseholes.

That's what we teach our children still isn't it? Sharing? Or is that old hat now.

I'm gutted Bluntness I've always thought we were kindred spirits on here!! But we've parted company on this one

I really feel this thread is a sad indictment of some people’s mindset these days.

If you want something just take it and fuck everyone else. Someone else has something you want? Just take it, it’s their problem if they’re upset.

And further compounded by the western “just buy more” mentality.

I’d rather live in a world where people were considerate of each other and shared.

I went out for brunch by myself the other week. Went to a cafe my husband and I love. They had a new menu so I ordered one of the items, ate half of it and had the other half boxed to go so my husband who was working from home could enjoy it too. I could have eaten the whole thing but I knew he’d love it so took it for him. And he would do the same for me.

People who are basically saying this is a non issue are either not reading the OP's posts correctly or are being deliberately obtuse or disingenuous when they say "well it's just a bag of prawn crackers".

OP's partner regularly exhibits this behaviour and is unapologetic about any upset that is caused by his continuing lack of consideration. It's an issue that happens for this couple more than "occasionally".

Take "prawn crackers" out and substitute whatever you like and complete the sentence "My OH regularly takes... leaving me with none. Even if it is a gift specifically for me he has no compunction about taking it without a seconds thought that it was for me"

Money, all the hot water, food whatever it is the partner here is showing really terrible consideration for the person he is supposed to love and care for. Why can't he share?

"Silly little things" like this are relationship killers when one partner is always left upset and the other does nothing to moderate their behaviour. It doesn't matter that it's prawn crackers this time, it's the pattern of behaviour.

Why are people having issues understanding that?

@Doowninthedumps

People who are basically saying this is a non issue are either not reading the OP's posts correctly or are being deliberately obtuse or disingenuous when they say "well it's just a bag of prawn crackers".

OP's partner regularly exhibits this behaviour and is unapologetic about any upset that is caused by his continuing lack of consideration. It's an issue that happens for this couple more than "occasionally".

Take "prawn crackers" out and substitute whatever you like and complete the sentence "My OH regularly takes... leaving me with none. Even if it is a gift specifically for me he has no compunction about taking it without a seconds thought that it was for me"

Money, all the hot water, food whatever it is the partner here is showing really terrible consideration for the person he is supposed to love and care for. Why can't he share?

"Silly little things" like this are relationship killers when one partner is always left upset and the other does nothing to moderate their behaviour. It doesn't matter that it's prawn crackers this time, it's the pattern of behaviour.

Why are people having issues understanding that?

100% this. Manners costs nowt. I don't understand the selfish mindset of not being considerate to the people who you share a home and a life with. Tis the death knell of many a relationship when selfishness takes precedence.

Yes I don't understand the not getting it on here either. Is it ok to just take what you want from other people? Sounds like many think so. And to be totally unapologetic every single time?

I watched my mum give dad the best of everything food wise while she had the scraps and I watched him sulk and get nasty unless everyone did what he wanted and gave him what he wanted. Anyone who thinks that this improves if you pander to it or just decide not to mind doesn't realise that it's the thin end of the wedge. And many people don't want to feel like they should always come last just because they are female.

Of course he could be an exceptionally lovely man and incredibly self sacrificing and considerate in other ways. But somehow I doubt it...

Once I was out at a restaurant with my ex's family. I took my youngest to the toilet and left my meal unfinished, ex's dad had finished off my meal by the time I came back. So bloody rude of him!!!

I've already posted about one of my DCs but their mindset is if I have two of a particular item it means they can gobble the other without asking.

I have bought chocolates for DC for Christmas but they still choose to eat the Quality Streets out the tin first. I'm convinced DC enjoys them more if they take what is not theirs!!

Once I was out at a restaurant with my ex's family. I took my youngest to the toilet and left my meal unfinished, ex's dad had finished off my meal by the time I came back. So bloody rude of him!!!

Wow! Did you say anything to him?!

Wow! Did you say anything to him?!

I think I asked what had happened to my plate and he said he thought I had finished. He's a very passive aggressive person and turns easily so I didn't want to make a big deal of it.

@Notrightbutok

Once I was out at a restaurant with my ex's family. I took my youngest to the toilet and left my meal unfinished, ex's dad had finished off my meal by the time I came back. So bloody rude of him!!!

I've already posted about one of my DCs but their mindset is if I have two of a particular item it means they can gobble the other without asking.

I have bought chocolates for DC for Christmas but they still choose to eat the Quality Streets out the tin first. I'm convinced DC enjoys them more if they take what is not theirs!!

I sense a lightheartedness to your post but actually you are raising a very very selfish and greedy child. Who will be baffled and upset when people keep dumping them for it.

So in the same way you teach them to share you also teach them not to steal take food that isn't theirs. It isn't a funny joke or cute because they are a child. Would you be ok with them shoplifting? Because taking things from others because they are Mum/a faceless shop/a person you don't like are all pretty similar.

So I do think you'll need to clamp down on this hard with consequences because in the future it will be more than a quirk that is forgiven.

I also think re the original question that some people don't care about food (as we have seen here). Lucky them. Other people DO and I think it's a natural instinct to guard 'your' food. Of course we are all taught to share (except these greedy men) so we go against our instincts and do just that. There's always a standoff around shared food as no one wants to eat the last bit of some highly desirable shared food so no one does and it goes cold 😁

And when we see another breaking those unwritten rules it pisses us off - far more than it warrants on the surface. Because it's not fair and though life's not fair it's still a shit thing to do.

I am funny about food. If I am really looking forward to a particular food then for some reason I can't have it (it's sold out on the menu for example) I am FAR more upset than I should be. I still remember my first post lockdown pub lunch snd the sold out roast chicken. I was gutted. Gutted.

To have the person who is supposed to care about you steal take/eat it without replacing it that instant (NYE so would have been difficult) when you always share and abide by 'the rules' would drive me insane.

We are all different snd we can't unilaterally decide that just because something isn't important to us it's not important at all.

So OP I suggest you find what matters to him and take it. Then feign innocence. Then he will understand how it feels. Many studies have proven that for some men it's not until they feel that same feeling themselves that they understand it. But don't do it with anger or malice and don't tell him. Those two bits are VERY important. He will explode but keep calm. Do it as many times as you have to - but do not tell him it's deliberate and always be calm and act without spite.

It drives me nuts too. I’m generally able to put something by and not gulp it down in one go. But in our household, if you do that and it’s not hidden then good luck, because my DP or her kids will have it in minutes!