Argument on NYE

[usersixx]

So last night DH cooked a Chinese whilst I put the DC to bed. Earlier in the day I'd bought a big bag of prawn crackers from the shop to go with the meal.

Anyway I came downstairs really looking forward to the food, only to find that DH had demolished the entire packet of prawn crackers whilst cooking.

I asked him what the hell he was playing at? and told him he was greedy and thoughtless, to which he then started ranting on about how he'd only had a few, that he was hungry whilst cooking, that he hadn't realised the bag was empty etc etc - this is his usual behaviour btw, whenever he does something wrong he just denies and justifies. Never apologises.

Anyway I just came up to bed at about 9.30pm as I couldn't bare to be around him. He eventually apologised at 11.55pm and said Happy New Yr!

He has form for this type of greedy behaviour as well as never being able to own up to his fuck ups (well he does, but hours later). I'm just so fucking fed up with him today (generally)

usersixx yes you're right. Prawn crackers seem harmless but I agree that if it's happening regularly and was a more expensive item it would be regarded differently. So it's not really about the prawn crackers specifically more the selfishness.

Is he over eating generally? Is he overweight?

@usersixx

and for those who wouldn't be bothered at all, where do you draw the line with this kind of thing? Or is there no line and everyone just stuff their face and to hell with everyone else?!

I guess if he ate your dinner that he was making for you too?

Don’t get me wrong,it’s annoying, I just think it’s beyond extreme to have this level of argument over it. Which indicates to me there is much bigger issues in your relationship. It doesn’t work anymore. I mean you couldn’t even bear to be round him and had to go to bed at 9.30. ThAts a level of hate right there.

They weren't crappy prawn crackers actually! I was looking forward to eating some but oh well!

Greed, selfishness and thoughtlessness are all valid reasons to end a relationship. So many male apologists on this thread.

I don't hate him. I hate his bloody thoughtlessness at times. I hate the way he strings out an apology. NYE needn't have been ruined if he could only have swallowed his pride and said sorry 3 hours before he did!

Oh and no he's not overweight at all. He's actually a pretty fit guy, he just binge eats at times

@Sparkletastic

Greed, selfishness and thoughtlessness are all valid reasons to end a relationship. So many male apologists on this thread.

No one is apologising for him becayse he is male for goodness sake. The responses would be the same if it was a woman who ate the prawn crackers when cooking dinner.

Well actually it would be more “she was entitled as she was making dinner”

But this is a bigger issue here. It would need to be something very big for me to get to the stage I couldn’t be near my husband and had to go and sit in my bed to get away from him. I can’t imagine doing it over a few prawn crackers. I can’t imagine even being so desperate for the prawn crackers I’d react like this.

The relationship is over. It’s a dead man walking. When you treat each other with such utter disdain ther is no way back

it doesn't matter what the item in question is, it shows a complete lack of thought or consideration for the other person. At no point did OP's Dh stop and think that OP might like some of the crackers, that's the epitome of selfish, greedy inconsiderate behaviour. The one being treated with disdain here is the OP.

I can understand why this annoyed you.

However, just to put things in perspective you spent New Year's Eve with a partner who cooked you a meal. Many people are on their own and are feeling isolated and lonely.

The one being treated with disdain here is the OP

You don’t think her reaction was treating him with disdain?

It’s the lack of value he’s putting on you that would make me hate it.

He can eat what he wants including your stuff and doesn’t care if you get to enjoy it. Your pleasure isn’t important

Your pleasure isn’t important

And yet, there he was cooking her a meal.

@Bluntness100

The one being treated with disdain here is the OP

You don’t think her reaction was treating him with disdain?

No, I don't. Him helping himself with no thought for her, his attempt to justify himself and his lack of apology to the OP is treating her with disdain and as the Op says this isn't the first time.

I get it OP. I would have been upset about the prawn crackers, whether he had form for this sort of thing or not. But the fact that he regularly eats your stuff makes it much bigger. Then not owning up and apologising shows his weakness.
Why can't he face up to his shortcomings (greedy) do you think? Is he on the defensive? Is he ashamed? Was he deprived of food as a child? Is he just really arrogant?
He does eventually apologise, right? So he knows he's wrong, he just can't face up to it when called out on it.
I'm not making excuses, but it might help you if you can work out why he does it.
I would be making him face up to it by calmly asking for a replacement every single time he does it, even if it's just a packet of biscuits. I would tell him that every time he steals your food, you lose respect for him just a bit more, and it's eroding any goodwill you have left.
This is not just about a packet of prawn crackers, that much is obvious.

No, I don't. Him helping himself with no thought for her, his attempt to justify himself and his lack of apology to the OP is treating her with disdain and as the Op says this isn't the first time

Ok then we need to disagree, I can’t imagine treating my husband like this over something like this and yes occasionally he has also eaten all of something, like the ops husband. I guess every relationship is different.

@Bluntness100

Your pleasure isn’t important

And yet, there he was cooking her a meal.

He was cooking for both of them.

God some people's reading comprehension sucks.

OP says it's not about the prawn crackers.
She says in isolation it's nothing.
It's not about the food. How dim can people be?

It's about the lack of apology (each and every time)
It's about the fact it's not in isolation.

This is the straw that broke the camels back.

And to the Pp who likened cooking the evening meal as caring about the OPs pleasure... tenuous. That's called being an equal partner.

This is clearly not about some prawn crackers. It's about the lack of thought he shows to her, and his inability to apologise immediately (or in a good timely manner) when he's called on it.

She doesn't hate him. Their relationship may or may not be over. But given the lack of people's ability to see beyond their own bloody nose....I dont know how you can make that judgement.

@ILoveAllRainbowsx

Next time, just hide them until it is time to eat them. He is greedy and can't control himself. So you can't leave them out as he can't deal with the temptation like a lot of people (including me).

If you are given chocolates, again hide them.

I hate this kind of advice, hide stuff away instead of expecting your other half to behave like a considerate, decent person.

Calling your partner names is abusive, regardless of what they’ve done. You’d have been out on your arse if you’d dared to speak to me that way, can’t stand anyone that dictates what others should and shouldn’t eat.

I don't know why Bluntness is getting a hard time here. We go off the information given and TBF on the face of it it was an over reaction. There's clearly a huge back story going on, but we don't know what it is.

On balance OP its clear that you are very unhappy in this marriage so the choice is are you going to be captain or passenger of your ship?

@newyearyeah

I can understand why this annoyed you.

However, just to put things in perspective you spent New Year's Eve with a partner who cooked you a meal. Many people are on their own and are feeling isolated and lonely.

So OP should just accept greedy selfish behaviour because some people are single?

@justlikestitch Isn't the OP husband dictating what she can and can't eat by consuming it before even gets a chance to take any for herself?

@JustLikeStitch

Calling your partner names is abusive, regardless of what they’ve done. You’d have been out on your arse if you’d dared to speak to me that way, can’t stand anyone that dictates what others should and shouldn’t eat.

Where does it say the OP called her husband names? Unless you think greedy and thoughtless (which he was) are names?

Okay for OP's dh to dictate what OP eats by ensuring she doesn't get any to eat, excellent.

@JustLikeStitch nor can I normally but she did buy them for both of them; I would never allow anyone to dictate what I ate but I would also never eat someone else's food therefore dictating that they can have none, I think that's a bit different.