Argument on NYE

[usersixx]

So last night DH cooked a Chinese whilst I put the DC to bed. Earlier in the day I'd bought a big bag of prawn crackers from the shop to go with the meal.

Anyway I came downstairs really looking forward to the food, only to find that DH had demolished the entire packet of prawn crackers whilst cooking.

I asked him what the hell he was playing at? and told him he was greedy and thoughtless, to which he then started ranting on about how he'd only had a few, that he was hungry whilst cooking, that he hadn't realised the bag was empty etc etc - this is his usual behaviour btw, whenever he does something wrong he just denies and justifies. Never apologises.

Anyway I just came up to bed at about 9.30pm as I couldn't bare to be around him. He eventually apologised at 11.55pm and said Happy New Yr!

He has form for this type of greedy behaviour as well as never being able to own up to his fuck ups (well he does, but hours later). I'm just so fucking fed up with him today (generally)

I guess people view this in two ways.

I can’t change my opinion, yes my husband has occasionally done this. I’m fairly sure I’ve done it to him. At no stage have we had this sort of extreme argument over it.

If either had immediately reacted to the other angrily with “what the hell are you playing at” then called that person greedy and selfish, then went and sat in a seperate room ignoring them, basically both spending New Year’s Eve alone and then was still going on about it the next day . then that’s what the other would have reacted to, because it’s horrible.

However some people clearly think it’s justified behaviour if someone occasionally eats some of your food. All I can say is I feel sorry for them and their relationships. That’s not how I would wish to live. My marriage would be over if my husband treated me this way because I ate his prawn crackers or his chocolate.

Very easy to solve. Chocs with laxative fillings left in the cupboard. Extra extra chilli sprinkled in packets of prawn crackers. Then protestations of innocence... "I spilled chilli in them by mistake I didnt know you were going to eat them!" And "I've been having tummy trouble I didn't know you would eat them all!" Rinse snd repeat a few times and perhaps he will get the picture. In the meantime he gets to buy you replacements for anything he eats especially if it's a gift! Send him out today for replacements. With a hangover, in the freezing cold. Don't get mad, get even. He eats it.. just shrug snd say you'll need to replace it. Today. Not my problem*

Bloody hell. What a way to treat someone.

NaH OP fuck buying two lots because he's greedy. Hide it and slow release it like you would a child with no self control. If they act like greedy selfish children treat them as such. Thats why ploy anyway.

I’m like your husband. I don’t over eat generally, but if there is something that we’ve got in (crackers, crisps) I have no self control and eat the whole lot with little regard for anyone else. I’m the same with alcohol. My answer is to not buy it.

@usersixx

I think those speaking in defence of him are purely focussing on prawn crackers - rather than him being a selfish twat who does this kind of thing on a regular basis!

These posts pop up regularly. Men eating ALL the family treats, snacks and generally a lot more than their share of everything.

Entitled, greedy behaviour. Women have had to resort to hiding treats FROM GROWN MEN.

@DownstairsMixUp. You might hate my response, but I actually read the post and stand by my response. Even with the Op's updates it's still a massive over reaction.

@Gilda152

mixmatch she already said no weight problem just a greedy/self entitled problem.

Fair enough, haven't seen all the OP's posts.

To be honest, OP seems quite stingy about food. Everyone in my family is a normal weight (actually we're more on the thin side) and we wouldn't be buying just one bag for multiple people to share anyway. We would have enough for people to eat as generously as they wish. It's the same when we have guests, we buy enough for anyone to eat or drink as generously as they like. I've never understood people who are stingy and very exact with food unless they're poor, or on a strict diet to lose weight.

It's quite telling she's making such a fuss over a single bag of fricking prawn crackers. I think the replies she's received, tally with how different people see food. Perhaps the OP's husband has the same lighthearted and generous approach to food - that it's there to be enjoyed within reason. That approach would seem greedy to someone who is naturally more stingy and portions everything in their mind accordingly.

I think that the problem is that it's a bit of a drip feed thread. No-one on here knows this guy so starting it off purely about a bag of prawn crackers makes it sound petty. If you said: "it's the tip of the iceberg - in general he is thoughtless and he's done this, that and the other" then people have more to go on.

Some of these responses have really made me

I'm not a nightmare, nor was it a rage induced furious argument nor did I abuse him

He was greedy, fact! I called him out on it, he was incredulous and refused to admit that he'd done anything wrong. So I opted to go and lie down upstairs, it was quite nice actually!

FWI we've talked about it today and he still maintains it was a complete accident, he didn't realise the bag was full when he started chowing down, nor did he realise the bag was empty when he'd finished. But yeah, I'm the nightmare apparently!

Er in the OP I said he had form for this behaviour and not apologising when he fucks up.

So no it's not a drip feed!

Perhaps the OP's husband has the same lighthearted and generous approach to food - that it's there to be enjoyed within reason.

Within reason meaning don't eat it all and not leave any for the other person? It's hardly generous to please yourself without any consideration that the other person might like some, is it? Why would the OP need to buy multiple bags of prawn crackers for just the two of them, why not expect your husband not to be selfish and share the damn things?

These posts pop up regularly. Men eating ALL the family treats, snacks and generally a lot more than their share of everything.

Entitled, greedy behaviour. Women have had to resort to hiding treats FROM GROWN MEN.

Yes, it's ridiculous. What a way to live having to hide stuff because a grown up can't behave like a decent, reasonable, considerate adult.

@usersixx

I don't hate him. I hate his bloody thoughtlessness at times. I hate the way he strings out an apology. NYE needn't have been ruined if he could only have swallowed his pride and said sorry 3 hours before he did!

Oh and no he's not overweight at all. He's actually a pretty fit guy, he just binge eats at times

@usersixx If he's not overweight at all, why the heck is it a problem to "binge" eat at times?? Most normal people do unless they're stingy with food or poor. Live a little! Reading subsequent posts, he doesn't sound selfish at all. The crux of it is that you both just have different approaches to food. He thinks food is there to be enjoyed whereas you feel food is there to be measured out and other people should eat portions you deem acceptable. I wouldn't have bought just one bag for two people to share anyway, especially since it's Christmas time! I'm thin, yet eat freely, and I'm the same with others and always make sure there's more than enough to go round. Just accept he eats more than you and stop creating unnecessary problems.

I don't feel like food has to be measured out!

I do however, think that sharing is the decent thing to do, especially when the food is part of the meal! Clearly there are a lot of people who disagree with this notion!

Also 1 bag should have been plenty between two people, it was a large bag! It's not as if I'm putting everyone on rations!

Also there wasn't enough to go around - that's the whole point of the argument!

@usersixx

I don't feel like food has to be measured out!

I do however, think that sharing is the decent thing to do, especially when the food is part of the meal! Clearly there are a lot of people who disagree with this notion!

I think people are describing and justifying their own behaviour OP.

Sharing is, of course, the decent thing to do, thinking of your partner and just being considerate is hardly an excessive expectation.

YANBU - it was selfish and thoughtless of him
I can imagine how irritating that can be when it clearly happens on a regular basis.
I know it's childish, but is there anyway you can do the same to him sometime to see if he might then see why it upsets you when he does it?

I'd hate to be in a relationship with someone so greedy. Cannot limit themselves to treats so their other half gets some of those treats too. Pig.

"chowing down"? Why do you describe your husband eating like a horse does? You come across as being quite unkind.

Sometimes it's just understanding that my partner is prone to getting carried away with eating and not making a song and dance out of it. Honestly OP if my partner ate my chocolates I wouldn't really care. In our household food belongs to all of us so if I was gifted chocolates or champagne then they would be for all of us. If anyone ate them then they ate them, it doesn't show disrespect at all.

By now you should know your OH and could have easily bought two and then laughed about it that I bought two cos I know how you behave.

@Bluntness100

God there is some real hysteria on here. Anyone else picturing joey from friends shouting “joey doesn’t share food” .

And to the posters who point out he was cooking a meal for them both. Exactly. He wasn’t cooking just for him.

As said though, there is clearly a bigger issue here in the relationship. Yes he ate her prawn crackers. Yes he’s occasionally done it before. But the sheer fury and revulsion she then had for him, where she couldn’t even be near him ans had to go sit in her room at 9.30 on New Year’s Eve, indicates a real issue in the relationship.

Anyone who thinks this is normal when someone occasionally eats your share of some food stuff isn’t in a healthy relationship. On either side.

Completely agree, there is a deeper issue.

If you knew this was his sort of behavior, why didn't you just get two bags of prawn crackers? One for you and one for him? He was literally cooking the meal on NYE and to be honest they are so easy to eat, eating a packet of biscuits in a few days isn't exactly terrible and maybe hide your chocolate from him if you're that bothered?

Maybe get him his own cupboard and he can only eat the food from there? Couldn't be bothered getting upset about any of this to be honest.

@BronwenFrideswide

Perhaps the OP's husband has the same lighthearted and generous approach to food - that it's there to be enjoyed within reason.

Within reason meaning don't eat it all and not leave any for the other person? It's hardly generous to please yourself without any consideration that the other person might like some, is it? Why would the OP need to buy multiple bags of prawn crackers for just the two of them, why not expect your husband not to be selfish and share the damn things?

These posts pop up regularly. Men eating ALL the family treats, snacks and generally a lot more than their share of everything.

Entitled, greedy behaviour. Women have had to resort to hiding treats FROM GROWN MEN.

Yes, it's ridiculous. What a way to live having to hide stuff because a grown up can't behave like a decent, reasonable, considerate adult.

@BronwenFrideswide that's exactly my point about people having different approaches to food. Personally I would find buying just one bag of crackers for multiple people to be selfish and stingy behaviour. Food is one of the joys of life and to me it's just so unnecessary to be mentally counting out restrictive portion sizes you think others should stick to when crisps/crackers are so damn cheap! Life is too short for all that nonsense. I personally couldn't hack being with someone like that, so her husband has done well to put up with her approach for as long as he has.

People who sre stingy with food are often stingy with other things too, and by nature I'm just not a stingy person. I believe in enjoying the common joys of life within reason. I do understand though that people are different and some wouldn't like my philosophy. If OP wants to be stingy then she's completely at liberty to feel so, but she should have married someone else who's similarly stingy if she feels it's proportionate to ruin NYE for the sake of a bag of prawn crackers and other previous food "transgressions".

It’s odd to say one bag of prawn crackers between two is stingy though, by dint of it being “one bag” - I mean, why isn’t two bags stingy then, or three...they’re big bags! They’re not one portion and it’s not stingy to expect them to be shared. If everyone in the house is having crisps do you buy a massive sharing bag each then? That’s madness.

I ate a full tube of pringles to myself the other day. Looks like I'm going to hell. Or my dp will be rationing my pringle consumption from now on. Maybe he will slip me one or two if I'm a good girl.

Yeah he might have been a tad greedy and yeah it's annoying especially if you were looking forward to prawn crackers as part of your meal but come oooonnnnnnn cut him some slack. If you had written you were cooking yourself and your dh a meal and had eaten the prawn crackers it would be all 'lols' and 'whoopsies'. He likes snacking. If it annoys you to the point you have to distance yourself for hours from him then i agree with pp and there are deeper issues and its not worth being with someone who gets you that riled up.

Also, if my dp pretty much ignored me for most of nye after I had made food for us both because I had had a few too many snacks whilst enjoying myself cooking, I would categorically not be apologising to him so the fact he even came to apologise says a lot.