No Contact Support thread - anyone interested?

[52andblue]

Anyone want to join me?
(I'm currently on Day 6)

I won't go into huge details but I am trying to maintain NC with a narcissist (diagnosed, amongst other dx...) who has been in my life on and off for 30 years and mirrors a Narc relationship with my Mother. I've all the 'intellectual understanding' of it, but find NC hard.

May I join? Although not 100% nc, he gets nothing but one word answers to he demandy, whiney, me-me-me emails. My favourite was his new concern about covid resulting in his decision to not see the kids for the foreseeable (about a whole side of A4.. My response? "Noted".

It is so liberating. I've been at it three years now.

@wonderingaboutlife1
Ah - 'hoovering' I think that is called? Very difficult.
Of course you want to ask questions and understand things - natural.
But, as you know, it sucks you back in to that 'unreal' world of his.
My NC has a tenuous grasp on reality at the best of times.
Do not despair. Get back on that NC horse. We are all there, giving you a leg up, and urging you on.xxx

Feeling so down today
I am busy with work and home schooling etc but really miss those snatched moments during the day

Day 4 :: it can only get easier right?

@wonderingaboutlife1 while I am desperate for mine to make contact, I am glad he hasn’t as like you I know it would put me right back. Be kind to yourself today, we’re all behind you!

@wetasstenalady same. Miss the good morning texts and the constant back and forth all day. It will get easier though, it’s got to and I will not break this time because I don’t want to feel how I did at the weekend and have to start all over again.

@lockdownandout

Day 4 :: it can only get easier right?

Fingers crossed! Having this thread helps a bit to fight the urge to send a message.

I'm interested though.. why are people going NC? I realise some have said, but there are a few that haven't

I'm on day 3 and I'm trying not to cave. We didn't have a falling out, but we've recently started talking again and my situation is messy. He's an old love whose heart I broke. I'm trying to regain his trust again, slowly and patiently. He's going through work stuff right now - and has to relocate for a few months for work. I want to message him to let him know I'm thinking of him, but I sent the last message a few days ago and I know he's just consumed with moving his stuff and settling in right now.

I'm just holding back because I miss him, but I know it's better to wait for him to reach out to me.

Also, for my full story read my other post, "Rekindling old flame" where I am getting completely picked apart hahah.

This.Is.Hard.

He text me almost an hour ago. I haven’t replied...posted here instead!

We’ve almost done another day

So so struggling today. Feel low anyway but the thought of not being able to chat with him is making me super sad. I've even gone as far as looking at programmes to retrieve deleted numbers. It's crazy. Please help

@wetasstenalady do you want to tell us a bit more about why you’re going NC?

If you do text him, what do you think the outcome will be? Will you feel better or worse and like you’ve set yourself back?

He was an affair. We are both married. I started due to having marriage problems . He started because he could. Initially he told me it was all just physical for him no strings etc then when I tried to break it off the one time he suddenly had feelings . Then it was love. Then he wanted to be with me yadda yadda. Tale as old as time and you can guess the rest. I just can't and won't ever go back. He's a liar and emotionally manipulative. I'm not sure he's capable of love. He even told me he's not in love with his wife and has never been in love with anyone but all he seems to say is bullshit. He even denied he had mentioned leaving to be with me until I produced a screenshot and then he said oh I do apologise I don't remember that. It's laughable when I look back now

@wetasstenalady it’s hard to see when you’re in the thick of it though isn’t it?

Do you want your marriage to work? If so, imagine his wife finding a text and it all blowing up around you - that could be the incentive not to text?

He does sound like a dick and no good will come out of contacting him. This is the mantra I keep repeating, fuck knows if it works but it’s worth a try!

@BrianOfHull I really don't know what I want. He utterly headfucked me so much I literally can't think what the future will be like.
But I just keep telling myself if we were meant to be - where is he? Says it all

Ugh sorry @wetasstenalady it's so hard :(

I caved. Sent a message just to say I was thinking about him. I know he's going through some stuff today and relocating for work.

Back to day 1

Well it's day 7 today
I feel a real sense of loss that I can longer talk to him and just feel his lack of contact shows me everything I need to know regards to how little I meant in reality.
I've decided after this weekend I'm literally no longer allowed to even think about him. If he creeps in my mind I will use distraction techniques for as long as it takes until he's gone for good

Another day nearly over, stay strong everyone. The freedom is so worth it.

So. I made very brief contact by text to arrange to receive something from NC guy (by post). I am not counting that as breaking NC as it was an extremely brief text & the item is re: something my son needs.

But.. do you all want a cheering up giggle?
My NC chap is 20 years older than me. The house he lives in is very cold. He feels the cold. In his text reply he randomly mentioned that he'd 'treated himself at Christmas' (not to contact with me, I noted but didn't say). Guess what he bought himself??? Are you ready???

A Bauer plug in heated duo foot warmer muff / slipperette thingy.

I tell you, it has killed all amorous assocs / memories stone dead.
Good thing it wasn't a phone call as I howled laughing.
Day 15 #blessedwithnormalslippersnotgrannyones

Sorry long post all about MEEEEE...

How is everyone doing ???

Puts kettle on / pours wine / cracks open nibbles ...

Lol what an old git!
Still no contact here. Part of me is dying inside that he hasn't contacted me

Back to day 1. I caved this morning and hate myself for it. She claims I’m important to her but I find that so hard to believe when it seems not to matter at all whether I’m in her life or not in it.

I got a txt yesterday (day 8).
As I am my own worst enemy I replied, keeping it friendly but slightly cold for now.
Head is all over the place now.

Hi everyone, hope you are all well.

I caved and messaged, we messaged back and forth, he said he wanted to meet, so I replied, nothing back again, I know it is difficult for him, like @wetasstenalady he is married, as am I. Very similar circumstances weirdly.

So today is day 1 again for me, I will not cave and message again. I must be strong. This is not doing me any good.

Be strong everyone and take care!

Can I join? We are not technically NC but he is only allowed to contact me via my solicitor. That needs to change (for my finances as much as anything else!) so I need the practice!!

Hello @Bearsinmotion - of course - and Welcome!
it sounds like a stressful situation for you there?

How is everybody today?

Remember, even if you have / are thinking about 'caving', why you are trying to go NO or Low Contact in the first place - it's about retaining control of your own emotions / time / energy and using it for YOU not spending it on the NC person xxx