Thank you for the welcome.
So here we are on day one of no contact.
I have managed to ascertain that he is active on WhatsApp. This means that despite me calling out on his shitty behaviour over the last few weeks he hasn’t blocked me. This is surprising as normally he likes to take control. I readded him as a contact called Liar Liar. That name will change over the next few weeks I’m sure. I am leaving him unblocked due to two reasons. 1) gauge his mood if he messages 2) blocking him will fuel the fire as he will see me as more desirable. He can see my progress profile and last seen and know I’m alive and well.
I have found out how to view messages without last seen changing too so don’t have to feel like I should reply as seen them. Nor will he then follow them up with Cat got your tongue or come on......
I haven’t been on WhatsApp since lunchtime and have messaged those who I normally contact to tell them to use messenger or text. I did this a few days ago in anticipation of this happening. I have also closed all my social media accounts ( as well as blocking him on Facebook - we weren’t friends). So when he looks on his stalker profile he just won’t see me. I did tell him I was taking a social media break. This is true but again removes mechanisms for him to stalk and won’t cause bells to ring.
For now I think he’ll stay away. This is a pattern but he will reappear in time of that I am sure. That is what I need to work on. My reaction and actions so I’m not pulled back in.
Last time it was 10wks following me finding out he was seeing someone else. Then he made a play for me. We argued. I was in a bad place. He blocked me. We got back in contact. Kept it as friends but tbh the first time we met he tested me and we both knew it was a matter of time. Last a few weeks. Then I found out he was still seeing her. I’d been too scared to ask.
He split up with her just before Xmas apparently. I have no doubts he’s keeping her in the wings too.
I already sensed there was someone else then. Stuff wasn’t making sense over the Christmas and New year period. Inactive for long periods, early nights yet not home, then he had a massive go at me about how he was single, can do what he liked. I hadn’t even shared any of my suspicions with it or challenged him on his whereabouts. That sealed it for me- his was being defensive and pushing me to an argument so he could pave the way. I saw him out with someone driving.
Can’t be certain it wasn’t innocent but I knew then my instincts were right. A new liker has appeared on his profile picture. She also is a follower of his on another new social media account. Hers is open with one post from years ago. Strange someone who doesn’t post is suddenly on his followers and also now liking his fb pics. I know the score. I’m not dumb. She’s on POF too as newly single. We have a mutual friend who knows all about the toxicity he can bring. I’ll soon know if I’m right! She seems lovely.
For context he’s single after ending a seven year relationship last year. I’m married. My involvement with him is from before I was married. We have been in regular contact throughout and the last 2 years ago it’s been full on. For me it challenged my entire moral compass. I know i deserve a flaming for that. Unfortunately I have been totally in love with him for many years. That’s ending now though. He’s always been my weakness though.
The lovely parts of him are fantastic and when he’s being honest it’s great. However he does his destructive path and then it’s awful. We both have suffered with low self esteem and confidence and we feed off each other.
Sorry that’s long but I needed to get it all out.