No Contact Support thread - anyone interested?

[52andblue]

Anyone want to join me?
(I'm currently on Day 6)

I won't go into huge details but I am trying to maintain NC with a narcissist (diagnosed, amongst other dx...) who has been in my life on and off for 30 years and mirrors a Narc relationship with my Mother. I've all the 'intellectual understanding' of it, but find NC hard.

I would join, but I've been trying to go NC since August and still can't get past day one. I've just posted a thread about it before I seen this one. Hopefully I can start tomorrow as I've already messed it up today. We were together so long, I'm like an addict.

I think I will find it easier as he's shown me what a despicable person he is once more- if my last memories of him are him being a pig I will have no desire to want anything to do with him. It's when they are still charming it's difficult

The total git sent me a HNY message wishing me all the best and thanking me for being such a good part of 2020. This is a week after dumping me and telling me the relationship was the worst he's ever had, what a selfish prick.

Wow @MarylinMonrue they are so weird aren't they?

Been NC from my affair partner for one year and just wanted to say it does get better and keep going. The early days are hard but there is light at the end of the tunnel!

Can I join too please?

Like Ineedaslap, we work at the same place but actually don’t run into each other that much and I can avoid her.

I hadn’t sent a message since 18/12 but last night I caved and got some awful passive aggressive messages in response. I am so tired of it, she has eaten away at my self-esteem, my dignity and my self-respect and I need to be in a place where I recognize myself again.

Day 1 done.

Good Morning - the Cafe is open :)

Welcome @Ineedaslap
well done for making the decision to try again at NC. I am firmly of the belief that if you tried before / slip again it is STILL worth having another go. Good luck in your journey x

Welcome @Loner1
the person I am trying to stay NC with I have known for 33 years. It's jolly hard when you have a strong 'connection' regardless of duration.
Please pop in here if you are 'starting' today.
I'm at the stage where I still feel each day is a 'first day' as that is how it feels to me. I trust if I can keep going eventually it will start to ease but I can only do one day at a time at the moment.

@annabellacomestotea
thank you for your encouraging words - they are just what i need now x
Welcome @Margie32
that's the risk of caving isn't it? I often regret it as it leaves me feeling worse. Well done for achieving Day 1 xxx

@MarylinMonrue
what a fool he is - it reflects badly on him, not you - stay strong

@wetasstenalady

YES!!! obvious git like behavior is relatively easy to deal with it is when they are charming we are in danger. Of course they can be very very charming - if they were not capable of that (even only in the beginning) we would not be struggling to break free - we are not fools. But remember, the charm is the surface, and the horrible selfish cruel behaviour is never far from the surface.
We deserve better. they cannot offer it (for whatever reason) so we need to stay away. Day 9 begins for me.

Morning all, hope you are all ok and staying strong.

I have had a message first thing this morning, have read it but not replied - yet.

I am two minds as to whether just to message in a chatty way but not get into dangerous territory or ignore. Don't want to make things awkward at work.

I've never been like this before so no idea why I am feeling like this

Evening all.
@Ineedaslap - what did you decide to do?

Can I join please

Determined tomorrow will be Day 1. On/off toxic relationship where everything is either brilliant or fucking awful. The sex is good, which I realise is why I keep going back. That and boredom probably.

After yet another argument last night which spilled over in to this morning, I really want to be done for good. He said the most vile things, again. I don’t trust him and I know he lies to me so why am I so drawn to him?!

God, I thought I was intelligent.

Anyway, I haven’t spoken to him since this morning so day one tomorrow.

Of course @BrianOfHull - welcome.

I feel it is nothing to do with 'intelligence' in an IQ sense anyway
It's more about the dynamic between two people.
If you recognise it is damaging you then its time to go NC.
Tomorrow is a New Day and all that!

Thanks for your support 52andblue. I agree that it isn’t to do with intelligence, it’s about one person being able to get under your skin in a way that nobody else can.

Day 2 done. I keep thinking she might send me a message, and then remember she doesn’t give enough of a shit to bother.

Hey all, I’m on day 6 of NC after me and my bf had a big fight and both said harsh things to each other. I called him out on his constantly lying and need to talk about his ex (who he has a kid with) constantly. He told me to get the F out of his house and so I did. Didn’t speak over New Years and nothing about whether it’s over or not but it’s been so on/off for so long that I can’t see a way back now.

I feel so sad about it and at some point NC will have to stop so I can collect my stuff and vice versa but I guess for now I’m just in limbo but refuse to reach out to him.

Hi, I'd like to join too. I've ben v low contact with my brother for nearly 19 months after some pretty awful behaviour and communication from him.
I feel no urge to contact him beyond Christmas and birthday cards and (unsurprisingly) I don't miss his contact with me. But I am sad about the loss of a relationship with a sibling I thought cared about me and who I cared for as well.
Confusingly, he still sends birthday and Christmas presents to my son saying 'lots of love'. He hasn't seen DS for 3 Years.
I suppose I'm looking for somewhere where I can be sad and angry about the situation.

@Margie32 Yes - the 'get under your skin' phrase is apt. I've also used the phrase 'in my blood' re my NC person. It is acknowledging that our interaction with them (or their lack of a 'real' / consistent one with us!) is problematic for US (whether it is for them is a different matter - we often spend too much energy pondering that rather than thinking how we can make things more bearable / move on for us). That's my situation / thoughts around it - I cannot say if helpful for others x

welcome @LockdownLady1 - that sounds very stressful - I'm sorry you went through that. Please take some time / make sure you have some support to sort your things - sounds like you might need it? xx

welcome @necklaceofraindrops
I'm sorry to hear of your situation with your brother.
It's important to remember that NC isn't just about romantic attachments but can be about family members too. There is a good thread called 'Stately Homes' on here that you might like to look at too? You are definately getting mixed messages from your brother. (my half brother also sends nice cards & £ to my kids for b'days and Xmas yet has not spoken to me since my wedding in 2001... they open them and say 'who is this from?' - it is easier to explain as brother lives 350miles away so 'we don't see him much' but it's odd!)

How are we all doing this morning?
I'm feeling down (end of Xmas / New term etc)
I've managed to NC with mine still but I'm having the odd wobble - to be expected - the thing is to 'ride it out' I guess. I did check with the Post office online site last night - he signed for the (very small) gift I sent on 23rd (which arrived on 31st!). I didn't expect a reply / thanks - that's not 'him' but I did feel upset with myself that I'd sent it as I've not heard from him / not contacted him since 24th. BUT... I'm not beating myself up for being nice / thoughtful - I will just make sure I don't ever send another little piece of my heart to him. Whether that affects him or not I don't know but it WILL HELP ME! :) :) :)

He text at 9am this morning asking me for a favour, I couldn’t not reply because it made me so angry and we just ended up fighting again.

Didn’t reply to his last text from 10.30am so I hopefully won’t hear anything else and I’m not going to reply if he texts again.

I wish I could just block him but I know his number off by heart and he’d just use someone else’s phone anyway.

Still feeling like I don’t want it, I just want the stress to stop.

Hi all.
hope you are all ok today. Every day is a new day.

I replied, he replied, I replied, he replied, I replied, then I went on Facebook, saw something. I am such a bloody fool. I don't know what he is playing at but I need to be strong and stop it now.

So NC day 1 (AGAIN!!) for me... Hope I get to Day 2 and more this time!

52andblue, you’re so right, I spend far too much time thinking about what going NC means for her and not thinking enough about what it means for me! Totally crazy really as the only person it deeply affects is me. This really rang true for me: “ I will just make sure I don't ever send another little piece of my heart to him”. Don’t do it! I find myself browsing the online sales and thinking about what she might like, which is crazy as she’s never bought me a present I actually like in the nearly 4 years that I’ve known her! Yesterday I read something that made a lot of sense to me: “value those who value you and don’t treat anyone as a priority if they only treat you as an option.”

Ineedaslap, don’t beat yourself up. The messaging is so addictive, it makes me wish all of this was happening in a time before phones. I have now started writing down the messages I would like to send but not sending them - it feels good to see them written down but then I can just delete them.

Hi necklace, my brother is a narcissistic sociopath who hasn’t seen his kids for 3 and a half years and has just lost his fiancée (not the mother of his kids) because he cheated on her. Our relationship is complex, to say the least, and I hear exactly where you’re coming from. Hard to recognize that you share a gene pool with them, but it’s exactly that gene pool that makes it difficult to completely cut contact.

Brian, “I just want the stress to stop”. I hear you.

Day 3 almost done here.

Would love to go NC, but not sure how to, when we share a DC who spends one night a week with him. Contact has to be made, regarding childcare arrangements, but I guess just keep it business-like?

LIke many, I feel a bit down this morning.
But I KNOW that contact with him wouldn't help me (or rather like a big drink, I'd feel 'better / number' at the time but really rubbish later)
So, here begins Day 11 for me.

Coffee, biscuits & good vibes to you where ever you are in your journey,

Dreading staying nc now... my kids are all back of school and looks to be another lockdown coming. He helped massively during the early part of last year. Not sure I'll manage a lockdown on my own.

Morning all, hope you are all ok today.

@52andblue - totally agree re the big drink thing My coping mechanism has been to get drunk every day the last few weeks. That's stopping.

Day 2 for me, although he is unaware that it is as he has not replied (or even looked at my last reply) which is annoying as how will he know I am ignoring him if I can't actually ignore him! Usually by now I would have messaged and called him out on his behaviour but not doing so this time as it only resets things for a little while.

Need to stay strong - this thread is helping as think my friends are all getting annoyed now with me (understandably!) so thanks!

Sending strong thoughts to you all

I need to join this too.. day 1 for me.. probably the 25th start in the last 2 months - I'm a fool, I know!

@wonderingaboutlife1

I need to join this too.. day 1 for me.. probably the 25th start in the last 2 months - I'm a fool, I know!

Welcome! I have tried repeatedly to go NC. It is difficult.

@Ineedaslap

Bloody hard! I don't know how to make it any easier?!

Feel so attached to him after such a short amount of time that it's driving me crazy. I've not felt like this about someone before and to have to walk away from it is so difficult 😞