No Contact Support thread - anyone interested?

[52andblue]

Anyone want to join me?
(I'm currently on Day 6)

I won't go into huge details but I am trying to maintain NC with a narcissist (diagnosed, amongst other dx...) who has been in my life on and off for 30 years and mirrors a Narc relationship with my Mother. I've all the 'intellectual understanding' of it, but find NC hard.

Hi everyone, hope you are all ok and keeping up the NC!

I've been crazy busy at work so not had much time to myself so not been on MN for a while.

I'm now three months down the enforced NC route, feeling better about things day by day. Still haven't seen him yet though so that could change...

@outofluckoutoftime well done on the NC and blocking, onwards and upwards!!

@52andblue and @Breakingupbadly72 and @ibelieveinmirrorballs hope you are all ok? and others of course!

So glad that I have found another NC thread as I am having a serious wobble over three years after he ended it.

He plays the ‘little boy lost’ and is totally inadequate in so many ways, to the extent that he lost his academic position last year and has had a total breakdown resulting in being in a psychiatric hospital for months.

It is the thought of him being so ill and in pain that is drawing me back in. Can’t stop thinking about him and how I could ‘rescue’ him.

The fact is that he is an emotionally abusive monster who could be sweet, gentle and very physically affectionate as long as I expressed no thoughts, feelings or needs.

Codependency is a beast.

@IrisAtwood Welcome to the thread.

You are doing well to remind yourself what he is - an emotionally abusive monster. Men like him play the victim or "little boy lost" because they know it will tug at your heartstrings and pull you back in.

He is an adult and even though he is in pain right now, you can't fix him and it is absolutely not your responsibility to do so.

Stay strong.

Hello all
I'm officially NC day 1 from my narc ex. It was longer until I decided the wishy washy way it had been done was probably going to end up with me trying yet again so I gathered the evidence that sealed his fate and compiled a level headed message. I unblocked to call him and he refused to speak so I sent the message and photos and said "it was just to say goodbye" and blocked. Emails are diverted to a separate folder so I don't have to see them.

Dozens of calls and voicemails, handful of emails, ending as always in a threat, so the police are coming today to listen to the voicemails and more the details as it's not the first time.

I've been building up to this for a few months. He was an AP and the lies and manipulation of me became too much. The fog lifted I was just scared of the repercussions and also still love him.

I fell apart immediately after sending the message when I saw two emails asking to say goodbye and to allow him to explain but then I felt complete relief. It's like a huge weight has been lifted, I can't quite believe it.

Right now I'm feeling strong but I am sure this won't last so coming for a hand hold!

Thank you

I’m sorry I’ve been absent.

I did 4 months. Then my world exploded with some devastating news. He had unblocked me. I reached out. He responded. Then I was sucked back in.

For 6 weeks we have been having an affair. I’m so disappointed in myself. I blocked him yesterday after realising what I had done. My mental health is so bad. He knew that and took advantage every time. The new girlfriend is asking questions of a mutual friend too. She clearly suspects we are back in contact. Tbh if she asks I’m very likely to break my loyal to him and be honest.

@2021sunshine Sorry to hear about your news. Is there someone else who could offer you emotional support for that? Your NC person is absolutely not the one you should turn to and I think you know that.

Are you NC with him now? Don't just block h, remove his number and soceert his emails to a spam folder. Up your SM privacy settings so that he can't send follow/ friend requests.

I hope your situation improves.

Thank you. Yes I know deep down he’s not the right support. He’s the only one I felt able to truely breakdown with though.

I'm in a shit state.
15 years of it and then boom he's seemingly forgotten all about me and undergone a personality transplant. Except he hasn't.

A former friend, who I have been pouring my heart out too, has been posting cryptic messages about hurt men and how they need love and when I asked what was up she blocked me.
I had a snoop on another profile and she/theyve changed their privacy settings, previously I couldn't see any of his comments to her, he's been all over her page and they're making no secret of whats happening. Except to me.
While I've been shedding my soul to her about how hard it is missing him, he's been round hers most nights, likely sat there reading what I was sending.

We split a year ago.
I'd managed 16 days NC prior to this discovery and I now feel so fucking wretched. I obviously sent a ranty txt that I regretted immediately and got a load of patronising cunt in my inbox. I need to get over him, he says. Also he says I'm imagining it, he isn't with her, until I read out some comments of his from 10 months ago. Then he says they're not properly together shes just helping him through a bad time.

The dickhead has posted pics of them in bed sharing breakfast on facebook, he would have got such a thrill out knowing my friends could see it.

I'm so sick of doing this. I want to not be affected by his drama anymore but I am addicted to those texts. The calls I'm diverting to voicemail, I'm checking it for calls too often.

Sorry this is a bit rambly, it's not fair and I fucking hate it

I'm in that mood where I want to ring him or send him a novella over text. It's been a year and he still has such control over my mood, he's 300 miles away in real life.
He may as well still be in the house

@PleaseGoDontGoAgain That's so awful for you to be treated like that from two people you cared a lot about.

Neither of them are worthy of your time and attention, they have both behaved shamefully and I wouldn't be surprised if he was playing her to get you jealous. Their behaviour is immature and both are getting off on the drama and pain they are causing.

Hold your head up high. You are doing the right thing by redirecting his calls to voicemail.

By all means grieve over the relationship, but take care of yourself. Do things that you know make you happy and do not let them take up headspace. You have the upper hand.

All the best.