My boyfriend hit me

[Sadmom1013]

My boyfriend hit me
,I gave birth to our little boy 6 weeks ago
About two weeks ago we had a bad argument he he grab my cheeks so hard and chocked me we apologised to each other as some hurtful things were said and he felt bad for putting hands on me .
Early Monday morning we had an argument he was clearly drunk he ended up punching me giving me a black eye,strangled me and jammed me in between the back of our sofa and bed .
While he was strangling me I bit his hand and scratched him to get off me and I was kicking my legs about he’s got a black eye but not as bad as mine.

Straight after this he started crying saying what are we doing .
He’s apologised to me and recognises he’s made a mistake and he’s a different person when he’s drunk and he’ll change for the better and won’t ever drink again.
He begged me not to leave and he’ll change for the sake of our family

I’m only 22 I don’t know what to do I’m just seeking advice from a really dark place please don’t judge me

Nobody is judging.
Do you have family or friends who can help you?

You don’t deserve to be judged my love - but you need to leave him. Promises are cheap and empty; his actions show who he really is. You need to protect yourself and your baby by getting away from him and reporting him to the police for attacking you.

Do you have a friend or family member you can get support from?

I’m so sorry this is happening to you.
Please contact women’s aid straight away, you need to leave him and they will help you. You and the baby are not safe with this man.

I was in care but recently reconnected with family.
I live I a completely different city to them all.

I don’t think I can speak to them ,I’m embarrassed we went over for Christmas a few days ago and everything was fine

You need to leave. He won't stop. It won't get better. It WILL escalate to the point you end up in hospital, or someone sees your injuries and social services are called. I'm not saying this to scare you, I'm saying it from experience. You need to leave ASAP.

You need to get yourself and your infant away from him ASAP for your safety. He needs intense psychiatric and substance abuse help that you cannot provide. He should be sorting himself out but you can't be his punching bag. If I were you I'd be filing a report with the police as social services would not consider your infant safe

For the sake of your little one you have to get out now.
Do you still have the black eye?
I’d go straight to the police and report him, next time it could be so so much worse

Leave. Get out. It will happen again and again.

You are not to blame and nobody will judge you. What you did to him was to stop him probably killing you.

Is he out?

If you have anywhere or anyone you can go to safely and immediately - which COVID law permits where there is DV - then father what you can and go
If he is not then truthfully I would call the police now . 999 then press 55 they will be altered to you being in danger but unable to talk

He won’t stop
The tears don’t change that
You need to get out as fast as you safely can

He's hurt you twice in a short space of time and you have a newborn too. Neither of you are safe. You need to get away from him.

What everyone else has said is right. You can't live like this, you need to get away.

Do you have somewhere to go? It is common for domestic violence to start after a woman becomes pregnant and has a baby. As others have said, contact Women's Aid or a local charity. This is escalating fast and I am worried for you.

I’m scared to go the police I don’t want to lose my child or put him in a difficult situation

I don’t think I can speak to them ,I’m embarrassed we went over for Christmas a few days ago and everything was fine
Don't be embarassed, you've done nothing wrong. Its all him.
All violence is serious, but the choking is a predictive sign that he could kill you. Please get help.

You are more at risk of loosing your child if you stay in this relationship. If you go to the police now they will do everything they can to keep you and your baby safe and together. I promise

He needs to be put in a difficult situation! He needs to face up to his actions. You really won't be helping him by protecting him.

@Sadmom1013

I’m scared to go the police I don’t want to lose my child or put him in a difficult situation

Sorry but the friars reality is if you do nothing you will most likely lose your child You when a duty of care to keep him safe of what will be removed so he can be

Your boyfriend - well you are not responsible for him or his welfare. He jettisoned that when he beat you

What are "we" doing?
This is typical victim blaming OP. He is turning his abusive behaviour back on you making it your fault. Soon it will all be your fault, he will be banging your head on the floor and he will say you made him do it.
I've been a victim of severe domestic violence when I was your age and this is how it started.
He assaulted you lets get that clear, you tried to fight back which you had every right to do.
If you don't leave him now the violence will get worse and worse and you could even be killed.
Call womens aid now and get you and your baby out of there. This will not get any better.
I'm so sorry this has happened to you.

Nobody will judge you.

He is violent and abusive.

He will do it again.

They never ever change. No matter how sorry they are.

It’s very common for abuse to start or get worse during pregnancy or after a baby is born.

Do you have a supportive family or friends you can speak to? If not could you tell your midwife of health visitor.

I know it seems overwhelming right now when you’ve just had a baby and you’re desperate to believe he will change. He might even change for a while and be lovely - but at some point it will happen again and it will get worse.

Your precious little baby needs you and needs you to be safe. Next time he could kill you. The fact that he put his hands around your neck means statistically he is likely to go on and kill you. It may seem like the hardest thing to do right now but you need to think about getting away from this man. He is not a good dad. Good dads don’t attack the mother of their children. They just don’t. Nothing you did or said could possibly justify what he did.

Please get away. You are allowed to leave an abusive relationship to stay with family or friends despite the coronavirus restrictions and no matter what tier you are in.

If you have any visible injuries take pictures.

Oh OP. You need to get out for the sake of your baby. You poor poor thing. Don't let his tears fool you. He may well regret his actions and not want to do it again, but he will.

You won't lose your child by going to the police - it's the other way around.

If you do nothing and stay, the chances are you will end up injured and/or dead, and the chances are quite high that your baby will also end up injured or worse.

You need to leave to protect your baby, and the best way to leave safely and to protect your baby is to go to the police.

What this will tell everyone in authority is that you are prepared to protect your baby above him, that you are prepared to get help, that you will not let your baby stay in an unsafe situation.

But more urgently - he will do this again. If he squeezes too hard next time, or pushes you down the stairs instead of down the bed, then none of this will matter because you will be dead, he will be in prison and your baby will be in care.

LEAVE.

You need to get out sweetheart. This will only get worse & worse. You aren’t responsible for just yourself anymore lovey, you have your DS now & you have to protect him

The police will do everything they can to help you xx

@Sadmom1013

I’m scared to go the police I don’t want to lose my child or put him in a difficult situation

Firstly, you are protecting your child by calling the police. Knowingly keeping the child in the car of a violent and abusive person isn't ok. The child needs you to act. Secondly HE created the situation by hitting you. Tough shit if it's difficult for him, it's the very least he deserves.

Oh op l am so so sorry, this is never acceptable whatever you said to him, never.
Being drunk is not an excuse,
Being angry is not an excuse, he could choose to walk away
He has shown you what type of man he is
He will not change.

Please make plans to quietly leave, this cannot be your future or your sons.

Please call womans aid, tell your friends and family today.

Leave first with all documentation, birth cert, bank statement, mortgage or rent tenancy agreement, and special things he may destroy, baby items .
Tell him after.

He could have killed you, what would happen to your baby if he does next time, please don't take that chance, you have your whole life ahead of you...

When he says he is sorry, he loves you, and will change remember this,

Love is kind, love doesn't hurt, good men never hit, not when drunk, angry, stressed, or depressed, decent men don't hit ever.

Abusive men don't change.

If you’re able to get out, go to a Superdrug or Boots if one is nearby and ask to use their safe space. You will be given access to a private room to contact organisations which will help you

uksaysnomore.org/safespaces/

I know it sounds so easy for strangers on the internet to tell you to leave him, but you need to. I don’t want to frighten you, but this incident will not be a one off. For the sake of you and your little one, you must leave.